#if you weren't such a selfish coward? ok. yeah i think i have had enough of you lol peace and love <3'

[nowendil]

:/ why can't i sleep when im supposed to

#sometimes I think I really should go and like talk to someone or something #nowe talks #don't reblog #im so sorry for the rant i will delete this in the morning i promise aldjskd i will be fine #but then i realize that the therapist would literally just be like '?? so like…not doing this thing makes you hate yourself on top of making #you anxious. every time you remember that you're not doing this thing you grow more sure you're irredeemably horrible as a person. the only #way you cope with this is avoid thinkinng about it which kinda works for now but only makes everything gradually worse and makes it feel #like getting hit by a truck every time you remember it. you could just do it. you have the resources to do the task. but it's been so long #that now you're too ashamed to do it because you think people will be mad at you because you didn't do it earlier (which is the reason you #didnt do it earlier) but also not doing it earlier kills you. what? and because you've been not doing it for so long the thought of it being #resolved in one day in one way or another makes you physically feel sick because that means you could've really done it months ago #if you weren't such a selfish coward? ok. yeah i think i have had enough of you lol peace and love <3' #like dude you have had this same anxiety fit AT LEAST once a month for AT LEAST five years #and you atill haven't done it despite it being literally one phone call and one driving trip away? ok 😐