#idk i'm definitely overthinking this. anywayyyyy my bf got a job idk if i've said before

[girltomboy]

Lol my tarot reading told me something about suspicion in social life today and I'm supposed to meet up with my work friend and this one other colleague of ours and I'm totally not feeling it. But I haven't left the house all week, so I kind of need to go out and get some fresh air and human contact. Tbh I'd be fine hanging out with my work friend but the fact that there's someone else coming is kinda souring it for me. I have nothing against her presence but she's lowkey bigoted and also a big drinker and I'm not really in the mood to fake interest in what she has to say tonight. Idk why my work friend even invited her along. I might just fade into myself and be a witness to their conversations, or even better just stay in my head the whole time.

Omg I left all of this unposted and haven't opened the app until now, and I feel a lot different from how I did when I wrote it. I did go and meet up with the girls, ended up having a pretty sweet time, got a free round of shots from a waiter because my second friend was a bit jokey/flirty mean to him for being "slower than his cute colleague" (a short redhead with the shiniest hair I've ever seen on someone, who brought our beers in one hand). The girl I was talking about not being excited to see is a nice and kind person, I think what irritated me about her and still does sometimes is this main character syndrome she has. But I don't think she's bigoted in the real sense of the word, she just grew up in a restrictive environment (much like me but I'm normal about it) and tends to take it out on other people a little. And we also went to our other coworker's weekly music bingo just to say hi and hang out. We sat outside with her husband and some other friends of hers and chatted. It was chill, but when I got home I found these itchy bites? Scratches? I don't know what they are. All over my feet, and they've been driving me crazy with how itchy they are. And because of the scratching I think, my feet are swollen now and I can't walk normally. I've had these before, on my legs and lower back, arm too, but this time I found them when I got home and took my boots and socks off. I used to think they were like jumbo mosquito bites, but they're clearly not. And I don't have the slightest clue where they could have come from. But I have this soothing gel, and I've been taking these salt water baths, the swelling has started going down but the itch persists.

Today I woke up at 7am and could not fall back asleep, so I lingered in bed until like 9 and got up to wet brush my doormat and this one rug I have in my balcony. I discovered that my doormat is green and blue, and not *unidentified muddy shade of grey*, and managed to bring back the color in the balcony rug. It's pretty outside but my feet are giving me too much trouble to leave the apartment. I might go to the forest later for some fresh air and maybe doodles. I'm about to finish the second season of Six Feet Under, and I'm blown away by this show and all of its intricacies. After this one episode I'm gonna cook some liver with onions and dill, it's been a while since I made it.

#yesterday was one of my coworkers' birthday and also my college crush's...turned best friend #and she replied to my birthday message asking me how i've been and no joke that one question almost kept me up last night #like it's been so long since we last talked that we might just be two completely different people now. but isn't that the beauty and charm #of knowing someone? getting to see their transformations and getting to show your own? #idk i'm definitely overthinking this. anywayyyyy my bf got a job idk if i've said before #his shift hours are atrocious but he gets time off every 2 days and the pay is decent. the work itself is pretty chill too and he seems to #not hate it which is good and important. but god my god i've been missing him like all hell lately. all week constantly thinking about #kissing him and making love and walking in the spring sun together. i genuinely think i looked better last year because he was here and #we saw each other every day. not that i don't like how i look now but just in terms of like...the light in my eyes and glow in my skin. #it's kind of dim now :(