#i've seen multiple relationships break up bc someone realizes they now identify as a different gender

[rotgospels]

hello! i hope it’s okay for me to ask this— no need to reply if it’s too personal or just a waste of breath.

i was wondering if you wouldn’t mind sharing when and how you realized you wanted to pursue religion? i’m 21 and i grew up catholic, though most of my knowledge/memories on it has been blocked out bc it was during a rough patch of life. even though, i still find catholicism to be very interesting— not exactly healing (yet?) but something i want to learn more about— and there are multiple times when i want to call it quits on everything else and become a nun. i know this isn’t enough reason to want to devote myself to a religion i once stubbornly opposed. but as i grow older, i recognize i just needed something to blame, so i chose god. now, the want to call it quits and join a monastery is not unending, but definitely repetitive.

also, i saw a previous anon mentioning they were a lesbian leftist and how becoming a nun would make sense. i know it’s ignorant of me to ask, but would you please explain the relationship between nunnery and leftist beliefs alongside queer identity? no worries if that’s too much to do.

i apologize for all the questions— i’m just really curious and would love to learn from someone with experience. your intelligence is evident and i hope to be as determined as you once i return to college! thanks so much!

Hello - asks like this are always okay!

It took a couple years for me to realise. I come from a family with negative experiences and preconceptions about Christianity so I resisted the pull I felt from age 18-20. I didn't have any clear moment of realisation, just a slow and steady movement towards Christ. I think God knew I needed to take it all at a snail's pace so He guided me towards different places, people, opportunities and experiences which continually revealed His presence in my life over time. A big part of this was finding the right church which accepted me as I was, who allowed me to serve and be part of their community despite - at that point - not identifying as a Christian at all.

If you feel a draw towards Catholicism and monastic life definitely listen to that; even if you think it comes from a place of 'escape'. I've met a few nuns over the years and they've always been women who have, in some sense, retreated, but are more connected to the heart of the world than anyone else I've ever come across. I'd say this is where any 'leftist' ideas comes from - as each nun lives in a local and global community together with other sisters (their networks are found all over the world). The last nun I met was a Franciscan who was extremely political due to work she'd done in the Middle East. She shared about what she'd seen and how this had radicalised and challenged her. So despite living in a convent/monastery, most nuns are active in society and abroad depending on their vocational calling.

There's actually a great book of personal accounts called "lesbian nuns: breaking silence" which outlines in its introduction the common conception that all nuns are lesbians. The authors tell us that this is because both groups fall outside of norms in similar ways (women who live and move through the world together essentially uninterested in males).

I really recommend reaching out to different orders which interest you, even if you're not ready to dive into Catholicism again just yet. I have a friend who is currently discerning the call towards this same thing, and she's been meeting up with a nun who is acting as a mentor/spiritual director for her so she can learn more as she works it out.

I hope some of this helps - there's never a rush when it comes to this kind of thing. Take your time in exploring x

[mybrainproblems]

So yesterday my friend and I went on a day trip and we meant to go to this nature preserve but wildly overshot the exit so we ended up in New Hampshire and went to this random beach and it was amazing to get out of the house and just drive for two hours before wandering around a beach in below freezing weather and getting lobster rolls before driving home again.

It was great because we got to just chat while not being stuck at home and there’s a kind of freedom and joy to watching scenery whip past while you go 80mph on a lightly trafficked highway.

And to me it’s fascinating to talk to someone who actually wants to date and have a relationship when I have minimal interest in dating. I don’t feel a need for sexual intimacy and the theoretical idea of a relationship is nice. But when it comes to the cost/benefit analysis, my mild interest in being romantically/sexually involved with someone is totally outweighed by my apathy about putting in the effort to meet someone.

However! There is a part of me that wants an honest to god meet-cute. As in fucking fanfic levels of meet-cute. There is a basically zero chance of it happening and therefore I will likely remain single forever. (Also open to friend of a friend introductions but holy hell do I hate dating apps and I refuse to use them. I’d rather use a matchmaker than a dating app.)

#dream meet cute is that i go to a cafe for coffee most days and my order keeps getting mixed up with someone who has the same name #and we start talking bc we keep grabbing the wrong order #but have very different orders like i'm a black coffee person and they're a mocha person but we get the same size hence the mix up #i am actually a very not-romantic person except that i want a meet-cute #like i hate special occasion stuff and i will forget every important date but i will make sure we always have your favorite mustard #it doesn't help that i feel like i should get gender identity stuff sorted out before i even consider dating again #i've seen multiple relationships break up bc someone realizes they now identify as a different gender #and it's nobody's fault but one or both realize that this 'new' gender is no longer compatible with the gender(s) they are attracted to #'hey so are you cool with dating someone who's gender is basically a blind box?' #just some overshare word vomit as i try to process shit out