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frankbedbroken · 1 year

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this is frankcore 2023: january

recently decided to make a playlist for the stuff i've been listening to in 2023 over the course of the month, so before i update it in a couple of days i want to go through what i had for january's rendition of the playlist! it's somewhat sorted by bpm but its mostly a free-for-all in terms of genre, though you can definitely see some biases for more electronic music and such.

dean blunt - london tonight freestyle (feat. skepta, novelist & a$ap rocky) uk hip hop, neo-psychedelia hypnagogic pop, trip hop, cloud rap

this will probably the year i get into dean blunt for real, what i've heard from him (as a solo artist and his many projects) i've very much enjoyed, and i need to give a relisten to bbf and one nation by hype williams because i'm sure i'm gonna like them even more now. as for this track specifically, it's about what you'd expect from the combination of artists at hand. very nocturnal and driving sample on an instrumental very reminiscent of unkle's psyence fiction, skepta and novelist delivering verses through a lo-fi haze, and rocky's crooning closing out the track (the "who loves me" refrain paired against the instrumental feels so melancholic, really good stuff).

nevermen - treat em right (boards of canada remix) downtempo synth funk

it's a bit funny that i found this song through chaeyoung from twice of all people, lmao. what's interesting about this beyond the fact that this is one of boards of canada's few releases in recent memory, is that rather than presenting the hazy, atmospheric blend of idm and downtempo that you would expect from boc, this evokes a funkier, smoother vibe, almost sensual, and i feel it's pretty weird to say that about a boc track. certainly fits the vibe of the original track, definitely get sleazy motel vibes out of this. very interesting stuff.

towa tei - technova (la em copacabana) (with bebel gilberto) shibuya-kei, nu jazz bossa nova, trip hop

you might know this one because dilla sampled it on a tribe called quest track, but to give a brief summary of where this comes from: towa tei, producer and dj originally from deee-lite, creators of the one-hit-wonder classic groove is in the heart, links up with bebel gilberto, daughter of joão gilberto who would later go on to crave a niche for herself as a lounge and downtempo artist in the early 2000s, to make one of the most blissfully chill songs i've ever heard. sure, you're bound to expect the most sunshine happy energy from a shibuya-kei song by default, but the bossa influences here definitely gives this one a distinct vibe that i haven't come across in other shibuya-kei i've heard so far. amazing chill.

baths - iniuria palace glitch pop, ambient pop

sorta rediscovered this one while i was going through my mp3 library to genre tag all of the files (very ardous process but it's probably gonna help if i want to look up a specific genre and that kinda thing), and found out that the version of baths' cerulean i downloaded had two tracks that were not on the official release of the album! one was mecha joy, better known as the instrumental for glow by charli xcx on super ultra, and then this one, under the name palatial disappointment, lasting like twenty seconds. interesting melancholic vibe paired with the production that you would usually expect from baths, feels kinda like the glitch pop equivalent of a midwest emo track lol.

blanck mass - the rat electro-industrial power noise

world eater is another album i should revisit in the future, remember liking it quite a bit when i first heard it but this was the one track i really latched onto. the driving, pummeling drums, slowly making way for wailing, distorted riffs and the blissful but frantic synth melodies, every part just seems to come together beautifully and it ends up creating this raw, intense feeling of catharsis. the way it keeps building on the motifs it keeps presenting and progressing upon itself, it feels like it could go on forever but also the payoff and the way it closes out feels earned and satisfying.

clams casino - drowning instrumental hip hop, cloud rap wonky, witch house

surprisingly listened to a fair amount of clams casino in january! i should probably check out a full project from him, i really like the couple of loose tracks i've heard so far. it's a style of production that i can really get into, chopped up vocals turning into almost indecipherable somber wails soaked into hazy, very reverb-heavy production. if i recall, i was going through the remixes of deftones' white pony, and while listening to the remix of feiticeira that clams casino did, i noticed someone in the comments mentioning this track, and pointing out that it sampled a track from thursday, the screamo/post-hardcore band. it's crazy that he took a bit from what was otherwise a fairly stripped back singer-songwriter type song, and turned it into a glitched up, anxious instrumental, maintaining the melancholy of the original track but from another perspective.

slayyyter - candy electropop, contemporary r&b, hyperpop

somehow got reintroduced to this by a charli xcx and blackpink edit, lmao. and it's funny too because i completely forgot about this track after listening to the slayyyter mixtape back in like 2019 or so, most of the tracks in that just didn't interest me whatsoever aside from alone. beyond the controversy surrounding slayyyter and ayesha erotica who has production duties on this, i can't help but think that this actually really works for me. unlike a lot of the other tracks on slayyyter's debut project, this production feels extremely hardhitting and engaging, driven off a clipse sample of all things, it has a lot of charm and intensity that most of the stuff in the mixtape didn't have (i blame that on robokid personally, his overly glossy sound felt extremely hollow and unengaging, especially on that project). slayyyter's vocal performance also feels very memorable and full of personality. the track in general just pops in a way that's very satisfying.

gaelle - give it back contemporary r&b neo-soul, synth funk

incredibly interesting project, this one. from what i can gather, gaelle used to be mostly an r&b vocalist for house tracks around the turn of the millenium, including the absolute bonafide hit that is king of my castle by wamdue project. at some point, her alongside co-producer eric hobsbawm drop a debut project under the name transient in a label known as naked music, a would-be-home for many crossovers between contemporary r&b and the deeper sounds of house and downtempo, such as this project. it feels extremely forward thinking in its production and aesthetics, a lot of people have mentioned kelela while referring to this album, and while i don't necessarilly think she took inspiration from this specifically (the album appears to not have been very successful when it came out, only garnering a lot more attention years after the fact), but i definitely do see where the comparison comes from in that regard. granted, this is one of the more "conventional" tracks in its runtime, but it's just expertly constructed and soulful r&b that you can't help but admire.

meat beat manifesto - genocide electro-industrial, industrial hip hop, breakbeat

haven't checked out much out of mbm's output aside from their 1990 compilation armed audio warfare to know if their other music sounds like it, but from what i know, that scrappy, off the wall and noisy approach to breakbeat and early industrial hip hop with a somewhat ebm-ish delivery to the vocals, is somewhat present in their subsequent work but not quite in the primitive, rugged-edged state as the stuff in that release. although it would be interesting to see how their sound progressed from then on, i'd be lying if i said that i wouldn't be sad if that were the case because i've always really enjoyed this sound: it's loud, it's abrasive, it's in-your-face and bombastic, and has this certain cheesiness that's typical of some of the early 90s industrial scenes (i.e. ebm) that is very endearing.

hikaru utada - traveling j-pop, dance-pop funky house

this following three-track-run would work great in a set, i feel. first off, we got absolute j-pop legend hikaru utada. the only project i've heard in full from them so far was last year's bad mode which was one of my favourite records of that year, delivering wonderfully smooth pop and r&b with electronic undertones. there is a similar approach to songwriting here but in a much different mood and style: whereas tracks like one last kiss and somewhere near marseilles have a more subdued, gently progressing sound, this one is a lot more immediate and hooky, heading towards brighter styles of house and a more soaring vocal delivery. this got viral on twitter around january iirc (that's how i came to know about this song in particular at least), and with good reason, it's a fantastic song.

miranda! - bailarina dance-pop, funky house synthpop

🇦🇷 ARGENTINA MENTIONED 🇦🇷 coming from arguably one of the most important pop acts of latin america, this track has a similar approximation in sound to the previous track: enrapturingly energetic and driving pop music with an inclination to the funkier, dance-floor ready sounds of house, though in this case it has more of a sensual feel in terms of songwriting (as far as i can tell at least, i haven't checked the lyrics for traveling and i don't know japanese lol). it makes sense after all, both albums where the respective songs are from came out the same year! speaking of, i'm glad es mentira is reaching a lot more ears beyond latin america and getting its dues, it's an album that feels of its time in terms of the aesthetics and sounds it goes for, but considering the resurgence of ~~~y2k vibes~~~ in recent times, it definitely feels very current still and absolutely worth a look for anyone that enjoys pop music.

dreamcastmoe - bend backwards deep house, neo-soul, synth funk

to wrap up this run, here's something a bit more recent, and possibly a bit more lowkey! i'm not super familiar with dreamcastmoe as an artist unfortunately, i think i found this through a clip from a dj set by dazegxd or gum.mp3, can't recall which right now, shoutout to the nyc garage crew though. anyhow, this vibe is absolutely immaculate. the strong sense of groove coming from a more organic approximation to the classic 4/4 house rhythm, the laidback delivery of the vocals that almost feels off-the-cuff while still managing to be catchy and memorable, and just a generally inviting atmosphere to the song as a whole. very apt for summer, i'd say.

shades - exultia dubstep, hybrid trap

and now for something completely different! i am a big fan of both alix perez and eprom as producers on their own, one delivering absolute classics of mellower, more atmospheric sounds of drum and bass, and the other being a boundary-pushing master of sound design doing anything and everything under the increasingly vague umbrella of "bass music". their output together is, naturally, also very much to my liking, with their first album being firmly based on the darker sound of halftime dnb, and their most recent outing having more of a balance of that and classic uk dubstep, all with some sound design inclinations from edm trap. pretty much every track in the album is fantastic but i was really into this one during the month because of that synth progression in the buildup and an absolutely menacing vocal refrain on the drop. shit's evil, it's good.

mark pritchard & steve spacek - turn it on neo-soul, uk bass broken beat, future garage

i recently went through this rym list of (mostly) electronic music releases with not many ratings and the selection was in general pretty good! found a lot of really interesting music from it, including this track right here. i originally wanted to add the track dollar by steve spacek, because of the absolutely crazy production from the legend j dilla, but for some reason it's not available for me on spotify. this one is no slouch in comparison, though. the production in this is extremely engaging, with its driving basslines and synth flourishes alongside the skittering broken beat drums pairing wonderfully with spacek's smooth soft-spoken vocals. will definitely have to look more into his other output, the few tracks i've heard from him have been great and this is definitely no exception.

deep sky objects - lethwei uk bass dubstep, funk carioca, post-industrial

second eprom project on the list! this one, a collaboration with andrew doubek feels not quite as approachable as some of the other material i've heard from eprom, veering into the more formless sounds of uk bass and darker approximations to tech house. this one falls more into the former of such categories, but it does so in a way that feels very interesting. the drum pattern feels very brazilian funky to me, pounding and heavy barrages of percussion sunk through distortion and grit, with not a whole lot in regards to melody to distract you from the driving, dark groove (not a negative in my opinion in this case). that last drop with the "lord 'ave mercy!" vocal sample followed by the classic eprom sounds you'd expect is excellent, as well. definitely a very singular track that's worth checking out.

kelela - contact alternative r&b, breakbeat future garage

did you know the kelela album that just came out is really fucking good?! who could've seen this one coming, right? admittedly, i feel a bit ashamed that i waited so long to really get into kelela, i definitely should've heard take me apart way earlier than i did, but i am glad i got into the bandwagon regardless, kelela is just an absolutely fantastic artist and any and all praise she gets is absolutely deserved. as of right now i personally prefer raven to take me apart (they're both great projects though, i still need to get to cut 4 me and hallucinogen to have a full opinion on her discography), if anything for the presence of breakbeat influences such as in this track. beyond the production just being fantastic, the vocals are just as amazing as you'd expect, "it's 2 am, yeah we made it, everybody faded" is a line i'm absolutely obsessed with, it's super simple but it brings in a lot of emotion in my opinion, it paints the picture of a night out with the people you love where you're actually having a lot of fun. the relaxed yet longing atmosphere of the track as a whole is enthralling, exactly as stunning as you'd expect from her at this point, go listen to raven immediately (or don't, if vibey rnb with electronic influences isn't your thing).

everything but the girl - nothing left to lose future garage, uk bass 2-step, dubstep

we've been waiting for this one. the story of ebtg is interesting, going from a sophisti-pop and folk pop act in the uk underground to an overnight club sensation thanks to a todd terry remix in the mid 90s, then moving onward as they explored the worlds of downtempo, house and drum and bass in their subsequent works during the rest of the 90s and the early 2000s. they called it quits after their last project in 2001, temperamental, and out of nowhere, they came back more than twenty years after that record dropped. while it definitely feels in line with their last offerings, there's also a lot of differences. the main one is tracey's voice having changed so much over the years, reaching a much deeper, mature tone, i'm reminded of neneh cherry's last output personally in that regard; it works excellently with the somber melancholy of the garage beat, very reminiscent of recent takes of the genre from acts like overmono or two shell. it's overall not quite as immediate as some of their other offerings, but it's smooth and inviting in a way that's very compelling.

koreless - shellshock (g jones & eprom edit) trap [edm], idm

third and last appearance from eprom on the list this month! this time a remix alongside fellow boundary-pusher in the edm trap scene, wonder producer g jones, of a track by koreless, experimental electronic producer that dropped his debut album in 2021 from which this track is from. the original track was already fantastic in its own right, rooted in this vein of progressive electronic based on taking the synth progressions of trance, letting them breathe and not incorporating much in the way of percussion, in this case also having these beautifully chopped up and unintelligible vocal lines that run through the entire track. what g jones and eprom do with it is pretty simple, they slightly tweak the track to fit with their (somewhat more) festival oriented sound, giving the track an actual "drop", but also maintaining the spirit of the original track while also going out of their way to put more of a glitchy edge in the final sections. excellent stuff.

mc pipokinha - bota na pipokinha (feat. dj felypinho 013, dj noguera & dj pablo rb) beat bruxaria hard drum, industrial techno

exciting stuff still happening in sao paulo. there's still a lot of stuff out there in regards of the beat bruxaria scene that i haven't yet gone through (it's mostly a singles genre so it might be difficult to find the really stand-out stuff), but if this is not the best song i've heard from the scene so far, it's pretty close. pipokinha's delivery is raunchy, energetic and absolutely exhilarating, but the real star of the show for me is that beat. beyond it just being as distorted and heavy as you would expect for a bruxaria track, what gives this one its edge is the influences of the harder styles of techno: the driving, distorted bassline, the absolutely massive and pummeling drum kicks, the synth sounds in the drop straight out of a monnom black track. it's an absolute tour de force, and i can only imagine the damage this does in a club setting.

skin on skin - burn dem bridges peak time techno uk drill

got into this one way too late, it's already been rinsed to death by this point but fuck, it's just an absolute banger. i'm very particular about techno in the sense that i don't really care for the more minimalist, straight 4/4 style of techno that's probably most in vogue at the moment (think of stuff like amelie lens, adam beyer, nina kraviz, marco carola, that kinda thing). the type of techno i tend to enjoy is either very heavy and distorted industrial techno, or some forms of techno that have more of a sense of tangible melody, this one falling into the latter camp. one of the more memorable vocal samples i've heard in electronic music in a while (IF IT AINT IF IT AINT GANG I'LL BURN DEM IF IT AINT IF IT AINT GANG ILL BURN DEM) put into the context of this pulsating, driving techno groove works fantastically. a sure fire hit, no other way of putting it.

novelist x mumdance - 1 sec weightless

classic of the uk scene in the 2010s, and a defining statement for a new sound in grime, crazy to think that this is already eight years old. for those not in the know, grime was a blend of electronic music (specifically the rhythms of uk garage) and uk hip hop developed during the 2000s, building itself on intense vocal deliveries and skittering rhythms. weightless, on the other hand, is what happens when you take the vocal stylings and production of grime and make it as stripped back as possible, removing pretty much all percussion, leaving just unsettling synth ambiances and the mc's performance. and it works. the flows and lines from novelist are incredibly memorable and the production with its heavy bass stabs and barely discernable hi-hats. very nocturnal and atmospheric, it's no wonder why this is a grime staple.

toasty - the knowledge dubstep, breakstep

while going through the rym list i mentioned on turn it on, i came across a lot of stuff from the uk label hotflush, specialized in dubstep and uk bass during the late 2000s and early 2010s, and a name that kept popping up was toastyboy aka toasty, a producer that had a knack for incorporating elements of breakbeat in the context of og dubstep's deep basslines. i then remembered that i was actually somewhat familiar with some of his output because of this track right here! i don't quite remember how i got to this, iirc it might've been because of an eprom tweet? nevertheless, this track is really good. as i mentioned before, this blend of dubstep and breakbeat works to great effect creating this menacing atmosphere, very apt for a warehouse setting i feel, and the constant refrains of "i seek knowledge", "you need it, you feel it" are extremely catchy and memorable. speaker knocker.

dead man's chest - just 4 jungle

don't quite remember how i first found this one, it might've been either through finding it on a jungle mix by someone along the likes of tim reaper or sherelle, or by getting it on my youtube recommended feed after going through a bunch of modern jungle tracks, possibly after doing the former! nevertheless, this is an absolute tune. from the moment it comes in with these hazy synth pads and the bright, cheery vocal chops to then introduce the breaks alongside the vocal refrain of "we do this just for you!", the atmosphere is just completely set, it feels very affirming imo. and then the drop comes in and you're just thrust deep into the rave, barrages of breaks setting the scene, sirens coming in sporadically, screams of "proper hardcore" bouncing around the track. it's absolutely massive stuff, more than likely best experienced in a live set, you could probably feel the walls rattling.

chrizpy chriz - trauma neurofunk

man. shoutout to 3d gif dubstep. always a treat finding cool music through silly videos on the interwebs. this time from a producer that i was not very familiar with, released through yuku, which is a label that i have encountered a couple of times, going through specific niches of drum and bass, most consistently halftime and neurofunk, the latter of which being the case of this track. i know there's a lot of people that don't really care for producers showing off sound design as the main feature of their music (i get that too sometimes), but this really nails that balance of having insane textures and sound design while also being an absolute banger. just incredibly heavy and brutal production, it feels like you are stuck inside of a machine trying to escape. it's very anxious and frantic, but also extremely energetic and compelling.

kid606 - slammin' ragga bootleg track ragga jungle raggacore

it is very much what it says on the tin! my experience with kid606 is pretty slim, i'd say, i've only heard kill sound before sound kills you, which runs the gamut from breakcore, idm, gabber and everything in between, and this veers into similar territory as some tracks in that project. essentially a rework of tenor fly's rude boy talk with a lot more frantic drum breaks and speedy shuffling rhythms, and it's exactly as fun as that might entail; i love ragga vocal delivery and it's something i always welcome in a track, and it works to great effect here. while the main part of the track is wild and fun, the last section of the track feels a lot more relaxed and welcoming, introducing a sampled melody that appears to come from a manu chao song that feels very satisfying, it's like a comedown but in a good way. very good track, definitely recommended if you like jungle/breakcore that is actually fun.

#im frank #music #frankcore 2023 #i doubt im gonna be consistent with this also but well see!#ill cook up the tracklist for the february roundup tomorrow

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veliseraptor · 5 years

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hey, i've been reading the everything sucks au again and I have a question: does natasha know about all the shit that went down? like, is she aware that loki died? if she is, how did she react? did she hear a rumor, did Bucky tell her via secret code, or did she hear about Ross's death and saw the state of the weather and put two and two together? and how would she react to loki coming back?

HEY THANKS FOR REMINDING ME HOW MUCH I LIKE THIS VERSE, I just wrote almost 2k tonight of this because I got so wound up about it. tony snuck in there so sorry about that but it’s still really about natasha.

anyway for those of you who forgot - the everything sucks au is the au of remember this cold where ross has loki executed before steve arrives at the raft. it’s got a tag of its own, or if you prefer a version posted on ao3.

and the deep river ran on, 1.9k, natasha pov, some natasha & tony

At least Tony gave her advance warning, so Natasha had time to go thoroughly to ground before Ross’s people caught up with her. And she did - she knew how to do it, had always been ready to do it, like she’d known someday it would come to this no matter how desperately she’d wanted to believe it wouldn’t.

Everything ended. She knew that better than anyone.

Still, it stung.

She kept her head down, way down, for the next two months. It was only when she came up for air that she learned that Secretary Ross had been murdered. In his home, single gunshot wound to the head. The official word was no suspects but Natasha dug into the files (risky, keep your nose out of it) and if she couldn’t be sure…

Looked like the Winter Soldier was back. She would’ve said on the warpath but it didn’t seem like he’d hit anyone else - just Ross, and that made a nervous prickle crawl down Natasha’s spine.

Steve, was her first thought. If something had happened to Steve - if Ross’s people had caught up to him somehow - but no, if it had been like that it would’ve been all over the news. Plenty of spin, sure, but they wouldn’t be able to keep Captain America’s death quiet.

There was a possibility that Barnes had just lost control, but then she’d expect a lot more bodies. Steve wouldn’t just let Barnes go off and kill someone, no matter how pissed off he might be, which meant Steve either hadn’t been there to stop him or hadn’t been able to.

Her list of possible conclusions was narrowing fast, pointing in one direction. Because if Steve wasn’t dead, and Bucky had gone after Ross, and no one had stopped him from doing it…

There weren’t a lot of people Barnes would do that for. Steve. Sam, maybe.

And Loki.

Shit, Natasha thought, and went looking for records. Didn’t take much to track down Ross’s secret underwater prison. They’d saved records of the security footage - she found the cameras for the cells first, and watched her friends: Wanda rocking back and forth in a straightjacket, Sam pacing, Clint lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling with one hand behind his head. At least she knew they’d been freed - that was in the news, the ex-Avenger fugitives. Where were they now?

She didn’t know enough.

What she did know, though, before too long, was that her hunch had been right. Timestamped footage of Loki’s execution, tucked away in the databanks. There were other files in the same folder; Natasha opened one and watched maybe thirty seconds before closing it and exiting the system, slipping out of the internet cafe she’d been working from.

She walked three blocks before sitting down in a park, spine straight, and breathed. Piecing events together. Steve and Bucky had gone to Siberia to deal with the other Winter Soldiers there. Loki must not have gone with them - must have stayed back with the others, and been captured. She’d bet that had been Vision. Other than Thor, Bruce, and Wanda, he was probably the only one with the raw power.

From there, it looked like it’d been a short road to Ross having him quietly eliminated. It made sense. Loki was dangerous, next to impossible to contain. And - based on those other files - valuable for other reasons.

Steve came back to free the others, because of course he did. By then, Loki was already gone. And afterwards…

God, Steve.

Natasha’s feelings on Loki were - complicated. And that was putting it mildly. She didn’t trust him as far as she could throw him. But at the same time - he wasn’t what she’d thought he was. Over the past few years, he’d done nothing bad - unless you counted what he and Barnes had done to Hydra, which she didn’t - and a surprising amount of good. That he loved Steve was beyond doubting, and he’d managed to forge friendships with Barnes and Wanda both, and mended fences with Thor. And he’d apparently been willing to sacrifice himself to give Steve and Barnes a fighting chance.

Oh, shit, Thor. Steve was one thing. Steve would turn inward, blame himself, rip himself to shreds. Thor, though...Thor would turn his fury outward. Where that wrath would fall…

Maybe on the whole planet. Almost certainly on Tony.

Natasha pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes and then let them fall away. “Fuck,” she whispered hoarsely. She’d known things would be bad. But this bad?

She half thought she should just go back underground. Weather out the storm. She wished she knew a way to reach out to Steve, or if her presence would even be welcome. Would he blame her, for supporting the Accords? For his loss?

Did she blame herself?

She could probably track down Clint, if she tried. Talk to him. It would be a comfort, probably; he usually was. But maybe he’d be angry with her, too.

Natasha should be used to being alone, but just now, she was very aware of it.

It wasn’t hard to know when Thor came back. When he knew. Monster storms lashed the planet, the sky cracking open with the force of a god’s rage and grief. There were no reports of Tony Stark’s death, though, and she was pretty sure that would’ve made news. Natasha reached out, carefully, to Jane Foster, but she didn’t answer her phone.

No word of Steve Rogers. No sign of the Winter Soldier. The storms died down, eventually.

Something drove Natasha back into the files on the Raft. She wiped the entire folder that held all the footage of Loki. It was a stupid gesture - meaningless, really. But whatever Loki had done–

He deserved better than that. Than having his death and desecration reduced to a few megabytes on a government server.

The message from Tony caught her by surprise. He said he wanted to see her. She thought about ignoring it - thought hard about ignoring it - but in the end decided she’d take the bait. He wanted her to come to his place in Malibu, which she declined, requesting somewhere public instead. They went back and forth in coded messages for a while before Tony sent one that said, please Nat I need to talk to someone.

Weak, she thought, settling into Tony’s lab, but she was still here.

Tony looked wrecked when he came downstairs and stopped dead, looking at her. After a second he just made a face and said, “yeah, okay,” before stepping in. “Um. Hey.”

She didn’t respond. His words to her still stung. Old habits die hard. He shifted, and rubbed a hand down his face. “So you’re pissed at me too, huh,” he said. “Go ahead, get it out of your system.”

Natasha just leaned on the table. “I don’t have anything to get out of my system,” she said. “You said you needed to talk to someone. I’m here.”

Tony sank down onto a bench. “Ross killed Loki,” he said, after a moment.

“I know,” Natasha said. She hesitated before asking, “where’s Steve?”

Tony’s expression spasmed, tightened. “Wakanda, right now.” That didn’t come as a particular surprise.

“Have you talked to him?”

“Is he the reason you’re here? To find out how he’s doing?” The bitterness in Tony’s voice was unmistakable. Natasha just leveled him with a look, and Tony’s lips twisted. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I have.”

“And?” Natasha said, when he didn’t expand.

“Not like we’re having many heart-to-hearts these days,” Tony said. “But I’d say he’s probably better now that Loki’s back from the dead.”

Natasha was sure, at first, that she’d misheard him. Then she was sure she was misunderstanding.

“Yeah,” Tony said. “Back from the dead. We did that. Thor and Steve and I. They all left about a week ago.”

“What the hell are you talking about,” Natasha said.

“I know,” Tony said. “I know. I thought they were crazy, when Steve came asking me for help, but - guess not. They did it. We did it, I went with them, it seemed like...seemed like I should, even if, if they both hate my guts right now. Maybe forever. But I thought maybe it would, I don’t know, help.” His laugh was raw. “Yeah, not so much. Fuck. But yeah, we found the bastard, dragged him out, he was crazy as a shithouse rat - wouldn’t stop screaming for I swear to god the first ten fucking hours even if he ran out of voice after about three. Kept going anyway, though. And neither of them - Thor, Steve, neither of them would hear anything about how maybe he wasn’t going to just - bounce back, be fine–”

Natasha was still trying to process back from the dead, but Tony was certainly painting a vivid picture. She could see it, too: Thor and Steve both closing ranks around Loki. It wouldn’t matter how crazy he was, how damaged. They wouldn’t care.

“It got better, I guess. Sort of. He was walking and talking by the time they took him out of here, anyway. But he’s - fucked up. Deep down broken, maybe. And I don’t know, maybe I did the wrong thing, brought back something that shouldn’t be here…”

He trailed off.

“Why’d you do it,” Natasha asked.

“What?”

“If you had all these misgivings,” she asked, keeping her voice neutral, “why’d you do it? Why did you help?”

“Everything’s fucked up,” Tony said after a moment, his voice hoarse. “I didn’t think - I didn’t want him dead. I didn’t think Ross was that stupid.” Natasha said nothing. She didn’t think she needed to say that at least two people had told him that would be exactly what Ross would do; she was sure he already knew. “Loki dying - broke things. And I know that was - at least partly my fault. So I thought if I helped get him back…”

“It didn’t work,” Natasha said, not a question. Tony snorted, harsh and humorless.

“No,” he said. “No, it fucking didn’t.”

She couldn’t say she was surprised. Loki might be back now, but that didn’t erase the fact that he’d died.

“I’m sorry,” she said, and meant it. “I know you didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“No,” Tony said, sounding relieved. “I fucking didn’t. Thank you.”

“But it still did,” Natasha said.

Tony’s expression turned bitter. “You too, huh?”

“We all have to face the consequences of what we do,” Natasha said. “I know I am.”

Tony’s expression wavered. “Jesus fuck. It’s not all my fault. I was just trying to…” He trailed off, and his shoulders slumped. He sighed, looking away. “I thought I could fix this.”

That’s your problem, Natasha thought. You think you should be able to fix everything. “Some things,” she said, “you just can’t.” She stood up. “It’s not safe to contact me. For either of us. Don’t do it again.”

She left. She thought maybe this - Loki’s resurrection - should feel like good news, but she only felt more alone than ever.

#basure #natasha romanova is better than you #the everything is awful au #a wild fic appeared

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SPREAD CH.4 ARTIST SPOTLIGHT INTERVIEW - TINA MATHIEU

This month's SPREAD Artist Spotlight is a dear friend of mine, Tina Mathieu. Let's get a closer look at her life and her music!

Tina: Hey there.. My name is Tina Mathieu. I’m a singer/songwriter based in Los Angeles. I moved out here by way of NYC, where I spent roughly 15 years writing and playing acoustic soul music. Within the past few months, I released my first indie r&b single and ran my very first official trail run... uphill - So i’m kinda feelin’ myself. ; )

Dan: Haha hi Tina! Those are definitely things to be proud of. I'm so excited you're our SPREAD featured artist this month! Diving right into your life and career a little more, how long have you been a songwriter/artist?

Tina: I started writing my own music after I stepped away from musical theater back in 2003. I was 22 with a broken heart and a cheap classical guitar. Typical story. I’d been writing poetry since I was a child - and somehow the ability to turn my words into melodies just clicked.

Dan: And when it clicks it's the best feeling ever. Since you have been writing for a while I am sure you have some sort of routine. Describe the place that makes you feel the most inspired creatively.

Tina: The mountains and the shower… recently I began trail running through the Santa Monica mountains. Moving through the open air, surrounded by 360’ of a world reminding me how small I am gives me major perspective - I become elevated in every way. I usually record voice memos while I hike and continue playing with those ideas once I’m home... washing all the dirt the off. The shower makes me feel like I can sing anything.

Dan: More power to you on trail running. I don't think that's something I could ever have the endurance to do! But if we're talking singing in the shower, I definitely feel like Beyoncé the moment I step in, even though I definitely don't sound like her...

Quickly moving on to get that image out of everyone's head...I know you are a very motivated and driven person. Do you have a personal mantra that helps you get through each day? If so, what is it?

Tina: These days when I feel like so much is out of my control, I like to stick with “One day at a time” and the serenity prayer... Accept the things I cannot change - the courage to change the things I can - and the wisdom to know the difference. Oh wisdom…

Dan: I've never actually heard that prayer. That's something I may have to adopt. I definitely use the day-at-a-time mantra or I tend to get overwhelmed.

So, now that you have released a new single, I know you are trying to get out and perform in LA a little more. Coming from experience I know that's a blessing and a curse. What do you think is a misconception people have about performing?

Tina: That bigger notes mean better singer. This is especially true in musical theater or televised singing competitions. I’ve had lots of internal struggles with this misconception. After dealing with vocal nodes, I had to start letting the strengths within my tone, emotion and storytelling depict my artistry - rather than belting my life away.

Dan: To be honest I think reality singing tv shows have done some hurt to singers because everyone watches them and then expects everyone to have a huge, belting voice. But we have to make room for the soothing, sultry vocals too. ;)

If you can pick, what song of yours are u most proud of? Why?

Tina: I’m super proud of two songs. ‘Downward Spiral’, my first single that I released, was a long time coming. I wrote it about 2 ½ years ago in NYC after dealing with some family turmoil. I’m proud of it because I actually followed through with it. I’ve written tons of songs and always found excuses to not finish them. When I released ‘Downward Spiral’ I felt ready. I had no excuses left.

I’m also very proud of the next song i’ll be releasing in October, ‘Ring Off’. Reliving the discovery of an affair is probably the most raw i’ve been in songwriting yet. It still hurts when i sing it and i think it makes people uncomfortable… which means I did my job.

Dan: I've heard both and I have to say they are both chilling. I don't even know if I could pick a favorite. And again, congrats on the new single!

I know that this journey is hard to follow through with sometimes, and its easy to get caught up. So throughout your years as a songwriter, who is one person in your life that has influenced and pushed you to be where you are now?

Tina: Influenced and pushed are two different things for me. I’ve had several artist and musician friends that have inspired me immensely. My family has always supported and believed in me. But as for pushing me to where I am now... I did that. Lots of people gave me advice and thought I was wasting my talent by not following through for so long, but I couldn’t do anything until I was ready - from the inside - an inner push that was long overdue.

Dan: I'm so happy to see that push now, because you're amazing! It's crazy how we can hear kind words and support from so many different people but we equally have to hear us say it to ourselves, too. With this unstoppable Tina, describe a typical day in your life. What are you doing? What do u enjoy the most about it?

Tina: I’m a mom - so everyday starts the same... I have to wake up way earlier than I prefer to blindly pour apple juice for a 4 year old dude. I also work in tv production so I’m often juggling a freelance lifestyle which allows me the opportunity to make music. I try to hike or trail run whenever I can squeeze it in. Also, Target. I’m mostly at Target.

Dan: Target always saves the day. Also, you are my hero. Now that we've seen a glimpse into your grind, and that you are not holding back in your music making any longer, what do u think is the biggest misconception people have about working in the music industry?

Tina: That you get discovered and industry people figure everything out for you and you just get to sing and make money. EASY. It couldn’t be more of the opposite. Being an artist is running a small business - the financial investment, the self promotion, understanding the convoluted money splits on the back end of a song... I mean you really have to love the ‘making music’ part of it.

Dan: You have to love it almost more than anything else. There's so much more behind the scenes that people do not think about. Being where you are today, and having just released an awesome single, if you could go back in time to the Tina Mathieu who just started out as a songwriter and artist, what is a piece of advice you would give her?

Tina: Be nice to yourself. It’s ok to tell people that you are a songwriter. You’re not a phony. And you don’t have to hide behind other people’s success… you deserve your own.

Dan: Preach, girl. Also discussing your day-to-day life, how do u manage a busy schedule and stress? How do you recharge when u need to?

Tina: I try to stay as organized as possible - Google docs run my life. Hiking and weed are my stress relievers. Often paired together. :)

Dan: We definitely need those stress relievers to get us through the business. Breaks away from the madness are so important.

A part of this business also includes of failed attempts or let-downs. I feel like they are so common you can easily lose track. Tell us about a time that you feel like you failed musically. How did u overcome this?

Tina: When I found out I was pregnant, I felt like I completely failed musically. I had yet to put out a single, yet to release an EP… and to be honest, I thought that being a mom meant that I had run out of time. I wrote a depressing song that day (that no one has ever heard) and decided to accept my failure as an artist. Luckily, being a songwriter is simply a part of me that won’t go away. It took a few years to start finding my way again - but I’m actually better than I was before and now I have someone very special to impress.

Dan: You are a natural songwriter. I don't think it could go away if you tried to make it! I am really touched by your answer, and I can't help but be grateful for all the badass moms we see in the industry that are killing it. Ya know, Pink, Beyoncé, Adele to name a few... It gives me hope that other moms will be inspired to keep going; that they're not done after having a kid. And I'll be the one to say I am SO glad you didn't give up. We desperately need your music in the world. Also...your kid is ridiculously cute I can't handle it. He'll always be your number one fan!

What is a defining moment of your career and how has it affected your life since?

Tina: Releasing ‘Downward Spiral’ is the most defining moment so far. When I teamed up with the Los Angeles Songwriters Collective for their 2nd EP, I committed to myself that it was time follow through. The past few months have been non-stop songwriting, studio time, gigs, co-write sessions, networking and supporting new artist friends. Making that one commitment changed everything for me.

Dan: I have such a big smile on my face. The gears are turning and there's no stopping now!

Looking to your inspiratioins, tell us about an artist/songwriter who inspires u. What would you like to emulate in your own artistry?

Tina: Erykah Badu is my all time favorite artist. Unique in every way. Her voice, words, melodic decisions, storytelling... honest & confident.

“She’s Clever.”

John Mayer is my favorite lyricist - I try to learn a lot from the honesty and details in his poetry. I may or may not have a lyric tattooed around my wrist. (Shhh.. I’m a fangirl!)

I’m not looking to emulate them but rather let what I love in these artists innately come through me - kinda like osmosis.

Dan: You said something SO important right there. I think up and coming artists struggle a lot when they're first releasing music. They listen to their favorite artists and then try to sound like them, but the key is letting what you love about them show in your own way! Ah, I could scream! Nail on the damn head.

So what artist/album/song have u had on repeat lately?

Tina: 90’s male R&B slow jam Playlist - Ginuwine, Dru Hill, 112, etc..

Julia Michaels - She is an effortless genius.

Kehlani - Obsessed with her.

Fiona Apple, Tidal - because her words never go out of style (and I still need a dictionary to get through some songs...)

Dan: What a good ass mix! If people reading this have not checked those artists out, GO! Some of them have been featured on SPREAD before... ;)

Laaaaaast but not least at all, how can we check out ur music and stay up to date with ur releases/posts? Anything we should especially be on the lookout for? ;)

Tina: I’m mostly active on Instagram - @tinamathieumusic. You can listen to ‘Downward Spiral’ on SPREAD CH. 4 - Feels and also stream or download it anywhere music exists. I have a few LA gigs lined up for Sept / Oct, which I’ll be announcing soon - and my newest single, ‘Ring Off’ will be available this fall.

Dan: Y'all heard it from Tina herself! If u haven't already, go check out her new single, 'Downward Spiral' on SPREAD CH.4 and go follow her! LA people, make sure u go see her live to because her music and her voice slays. Thanks again, Tina, for being SPREAD CH.4's featured artist. I'm super excited to see where this next year takes u! :)

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Thank you everyone for joining us for this month's SPREAD Artist Spotlight! I hope you have let out all the FEELS u can before Friday because a whole new playlist is coming! And it's gonna end with a bang 🎊

#spread #cover #artist #spotlight #up and coming #music #singer songwriter #tina mathieu #downward spiral #apple music #spotify #youtube #playlist

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