#i've been bouncing off to denial and acceptance every minute so yeah

[only-aroha-would-know]

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#it's been days and I don't know if I've fully absorbed it or not #i've been bouncing off to denial and acceptance every minute so yeah #astro's been my emotional pillar for years #ever since I met them i felt more positive in life #sure there were a lot of awful things that happened over the years. that's how life goes #but whenever I feel lonely angry or tinest bit of upset I would listen to one astro song and it'll feel much better #or watch any astro video and I would find myself smiling/laughing and suddenly life doesn't suck as much anymore #this year generally for me has been a mess even worse than years when i had to be hospitalized or sick generally #i got better physically but it's mentally draining #when rocky left astro it hurt for a moment but that's how their industry works and I understood that #i got to see him bonding with his brother and he could still smile and that all matters #then the news of binnie passing came #I've barely listened to any of their songs for the last days because I could hear his voice and it hurts #few days and break downs later i feel a bit better and I could watch some of their show (i still avoid any live performances tho) #now something came up again and I realized that I can't run back to them the way I used to #at least without being reminded that there wouldn't be a chance to see them complete again #and that hit me hard