#i'm super psyched 2 be here tho ?? throw everything at me leggo

[sinclaiir-blog1]

adjokdasdms hello !! i’m your friendly neighbourhood lucy, and this beautiful small bean is tessa. in case you can’t tell, i suck at introducing myself, but i am going to try my diddly-darn best. click under the cut to hear me ramble some more, so i don’t jumble your dash with my 3am definitely-not-diet soda fuelled zeal !

potential TW; child abuse, physical & emotional abuse, death.

so, you’ve made it this far! as i’ve probably said like three times already, i’m lucy, gmt, and i go by she/her pronouns. i’m also small & need friends ok. but enough about me, and more about the potential love of my life, tessa sinclair. be warned, it is the early a.m and my brain feels like an unfortunately mushy bowl of scrambled eggs, so bear with me ! 

before:

okay, let’s go from the very start. thea’s the youngest of a set of twins by two minutes, born at 00:01, february 29th 1996 in harlem, nyc. unfortunate. her mom was a french exchange student who fell in love with her dad during college, and somehow managed to stay in love.

as a kid, it’s safe to say tessa took after her mother. a soft, small bundle of a child, she was infatuated with books and football and the ocean, which she’d never seen. a weird combination, but her favourite. her twin brother also claimed he took after their mom, and they all agreed anyway — mostly because neither of them wanted to resemble their father.

he took his frustrations out on his wife and kids. after drinking, after losing a bet, after her mother forgot to make dinner. nora sinclair tried to shield the two children, but it was never enough. 

even when tessa ran her fingers over the bruises & winced at the pressure, her mother still defended her father, no matter what. it was from her mother that she learned to be quiet & meek & forgiving, but learned to be thunderous & angry & wild from her father. she always ignored the latter part of herself, but some sneaking part of her always knew that she still shared the same amount of genes with both of them.

this is the part where i fell asleep last night at like 3:30am sry

so it’s same to say life was .. not the best. despite her father’s angry words & quick fists, they stayed with him. he never changed. they weren’t the most well off, but they got by. tessa & her brother started school, and it was a godsend, because maybe if they away from the house for seven hours a day, he’d hate them less.

school was her favourite part of growing up. she was always a smart little girl & flourished there. she spoke english & french fluently, thanks to her mom, and that was her biggest party trick. she laughed a lot & had plenty of friends, but she passed the bruises off as clumsiness & never invited friends back home. still, no one cared enough to question past that.

when she was thirteen, her mom passed away. freak car accident. two days later, her father drank himself to death. suddenly, their family was a lot smaller.

TLDR: younger of twins. bubbly child. an abusive father and a meek mother. orphan by thirteen.

during:

so, tessa and her brother were put into the foster system. no one wanted a set of awkward thirteen year olds. if anything, tessa was just glad they were together. a lot of siblings didn’t even have that.

the bubbly little girl became a lot more reclusive. she turned to books, whilst her brother turned to crime. she’d help him, occasionally; not because she enjoyed breaking the law, but because with her brain & his brawn, they could probably do just about anything.

they spent five years moving from foster home to foster home. he was a juvenile delinquent, and she wouldn’t stay anywhere he wasn’t. however, by the time they were eighteen, they could finally get out of that place.

cue chicago. theo started working odd jobs, a mechanic, a cashier, a pizza delivery guy. their mom had left them some money; not much, but enough to get by. tessa started community college, majoring in english and teaching, and it was there that she met finn.

they fell wildly in love. he was a year or two older, an english student, and the most perfect man she could ever have dreamed up. he was tall, blonde, blue-eyed, and all-american — with a smooth demeanour and a knack for saying all the right things. he helped her to laugh more again, to say hi to strangers on the street, to walk by the lakeside & read romantic poetry. they danced together & he never minded when she stood on his feet. one night, laying in bed together in the dark, she told him about her mother, her father, her life until now. he was quiet for a moment, but whenever he pulled her into his arms, she felt safe. he rescued her.

after six months, they moved in together. life was beautiful. she continued her studies while he started his first proper full-time job. they adopted a kitten together, went for long walks and exotic vacations with his daddy’s credit card, wrote poetry about each other. everything was fine, at first. they were still the same people they’d always been. tessa and finn, tessa and finn, tessa and finn. she used to repeat their names like a mantra. it took a year for things to change.

he began to act more moody and domineering, in a fearsome mood when he came home. sometimes he was drunk. most of the time he was sober. he’d accuse her of cheating on him while he was at work, he’d curse and yell and smash bottles, eyes fierce with something terrifying. but immediately, he’d begin to plead. i’m sorry, i love you. i’m stressed. i’m tired. i don’t know what i’m doing. i need you.

it started with emotional abuse. belittling, swearing, bringing up every little mistake she’d told him in complete trust. but soon, he began using physical violence to try and break her spirit. his fists connected with her jaw, her lips, her neck. bruises laced her shoulders and arms, stomach too. soon, she was an expert at covering the purple blemishes with makeup.

she thought maybe if she loved him enough, he’d change. her mother had always taught her that love was unconditional. love never gave up. no matter what. so she stayed. she’d console him after an argument; arms wrapped around him, ignoring the split lip or the black eye, as he cried into her shoulders. he’d show up at home the next day with flowers and a stack of books, lips sweet with the taste of apologies and lies. it never changed.

one day, she left him. they’d had a big fight; it was about something stupid, but as his anger escalated, he began to shove her around. he pinned her by her neck against their wall, smashing an empty beer bottle against the table and holding the shattered glass up to her face. she cried and begged, but he had entirely snapped. he left her deaf in one ear, and with a nasty scar along her jawline. something similarly snapped inside of her. she couldn’t stay here any longer.

TLDR: started community college, and met the man of her dreams. her prince charming quickly turned into the beast. finally left him after a vicious argument. she’s finally realised what a monster he is. still petrified, but no longer in love.

after:

while he was at work the next day, she grabbed anything she could shove into her old camping backpack. she took any cash they had. he had control over her bank account, and so she left with not much else. 

in the days that passed, he called her phone hundreds of times. terrified he might find her, she turned it off. unable to go back home, she began to couch surf. she currently lives from place to place, laying low and trying to avoid all her old haunts.

her brother is currently in prison after a burglary gone wrong, otherwise, she’d have stayed with him. she hasn’t told him about it yet because she knows that if she does, when he gets out, he’ll kill her ex.

she tried to transform herself. she’s become a lot more guarded & cautious, wary of everyone and everything. she can’t go back to her old job, so she took up a new one; underground fighting. despite her kind nature & wiry frame, she’s a force to be reckoned with. she’s from a family of ex-cons, after all, and she uses her elbows and knees like they’re knives. it’s become something of an outlet for all the emotions she never let herself show when she was with finn. the bruises she gets now are of her own choice.

she’s still soft & small. she still enjoys unfinished novels and chocolate milkshakes. she still sleeps with one foot out of the covers and still counts the tiles on the ceilings. but she’s gone through hell and come out stronger. she’s tougher & braver, and stands up for herself a lot more now. tessa hides the quiet little girl beneath a brash and bold woman .. she’s a giant freakin’ facade. she projects an aura of false confidence, of fake happiness and self-assurance, but the one thing she’s still terrified of is him. 

she suffers pretty bad insomnia & ptsd as a result of everything. panic attacks are another big problem. she’s lucky that they’re relatively infrequent, but when they do hit, they’re insufferable. 

she’s become the queen of appearance. she knows how to smile regardless of what just happened, and acts like everything is fine. there are still days that she apologises incessantly, cries at loud noises, or feels totally worthless and takes the weight of the world on her shoulders, but she still doesn’t let people see beyond the mask of total happiness.

the ~real her~ only really comes out in brief flashes. in the mellow morning sunshine when she’s tying up her hair, late at night when her glasses are slippin down her face and she’s reading bad poetry, when she’s just won a fight & the sweat is shining off her skin and she wears a triumphant grin. that’s tessa.

TLDR: left her abusive boyfriend three months ago. is currently homeless and couch-surfing. now works as an underground fighter. has transformed her entire personality. still terrified of her ex.

THE END. hope y’all enjoyed me writing a 500 page novel.

it got sUPER FUCKIN’ long, pals, sorry about that. i’ve never played her before so i’m just tryin to ~flesh everythin out~, ya feel? check out the TLDRs if u want a brief lil summary. i’m v. ready for this & please, feel free to like this and i’ll slide into ur IMs for plots & connections. here’s a few random wanted ones for shits & giggles.

best friends: tessa feels like the Worst friend bc she probably doesn’t tell them anything that’s actually going on. at some point, may probably break down & cry & tell them everything. give me some good wholesome friendships yes pls

someone who’s letting her crash at theirs: this could go so many ways ?? either they’re like lowkey annoyed bc tessa has been sleeping on their couch for like a week and given no explanation, or mb they’re starting to get worried about her ... u catch my drift. give me anything.

some kind of romance: idk how to label this one bc i Suck, but ??? whilst she still has trouble entirely trusting men, she misses feeling loved & safe, even if it’s only for a night. she’s v. closed off and distant but just .. give her some real luv. slow burn, friends to lovers, “i fucking hate your guts” to “ahdhj whoops maybe i don’t”. anything.

then u have ur basic connections ... 

exes from before finn, ended on good or bad terms.

childhood friends

good/bad influences

and so forth

#wAAAAh ur girl wrote a 10 page novel folks pls just feel free 2 ignore everything but the bold text #slums:intro #i'm super psyched 2 be here tho ?? throw everything at me leggo #i'm gonna slide into all ur IMs anyway tbh so like ... watch out 👀