#i'm so fucking keyed up rn but i can't go like burn it off physically bc i went 2 hard yesterday screammmmmmmmmmm

[tomatoluvr69]

goddddddddd why does the job application process force you to sound as egoistical as donald fucking trump likeeee there has never been a more qualified candidate in the history of the planet. I am the best there's ever been unlike those other burnouts and losers. no one is smarter. no one is a harder worker. i am in fact THE VERY BEST. hire me

#when irl i'm FLUTTERSHY... #genuinely harmful to my nervous system i'm dyingggggggggggggggg #every single time i go through this i'm like...why don't i just get a PERMANENT JOB so i don't have to do this again!!!!!!!! #and then my desire to stay footloose and fancy-free is like actually ummmmmmmm #i'm so fucking keyed up rn but i can't go like burn it off physically bc i went 2 hard yesterday screammmmmmmmmmm

[confusions-shed-of-ideas]

Octopath Traveler Job Skills in a Nutshell (Main 8 Jobs)

Busy with school work rn so I can't post Primrose's Chapter 1 Badly Summarised today

But I still wanted to post some shitpost so here you go

I'll probably do the 4 advanced jobs at some point

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CLERIC

Heal Wounds: Here have HP now don't be too reckless

Holy Light: The power of god and anime

Shattering Veil: It's okay the bad elemental magic will hurt less now

Luminescence: The power of god and anime but MORE

Heal More: Here have MORE HP now don't be too reckless

Reflective Veil: No u

Revive: Wake up! All of you! Yes, even you

Aelfric's Auspices: Here have the key to the destruction of all enemies and/or bosses in Orsterra now have fun

SCHOLAR

Fireball: Haha fire go boom

Icewind: Haha ice go boom

Lightning Bolt: Haha lightning go boom

Analyze: Imagine thinking you can hide your weaknesses from me lmao

Fire Storm: Haha fire go boom BOOM

Blizzard: Haha ice go boom BOOM

Lightning Blast: Haha lightning go boom BOOM

Alephan's Enlightenment: [Enemy name], I choose you... to die by my intense magic abilities

MERCHANT

Collect: Give me your money... please? 👉👈

Tradewinds: Haha wind go brrr

Rest: Brb gonna recharge my HP and SP first also lol what's a status ailment

Trade Tempest: Haha wind go BRRR

Donate BP: You get BP! You get BP (on the next turn)! Everyone gets BP (in future turns)!

Sidestep: Imagine hitting me with your physical attack lol

Hired Help: ... Pst! Hey! If I pay you can you help me in battle

Bifelgan's Bounty: BOOM! Heck yeah money!

WARRIOR

Level Slash: Tfw there are multiple enemies with sword weaknesses and you want to hit them all

Abide: I am now stronk

Spearhead: Get poked lol also I act earlier in the next turn now thanks

Incite: Hey you! You wanna go? You wanna go huh?

Cross Strike: I will gut you like a fish

Stout Wall: How dare you hurt me with your physical attacks, see I have res now

Thousand Spears: Poke poke poke poke poke poke poke-

Brand's Thunder: I will slam this sword into the ground at you and you will perish

DANCER

Lions Dance: You're stronk now but for physical damage only

Moonlight Waltz: Haha dark magic go brrr

Peacock Strut: You're stronk now but for elemental damage only

Mole Dance: Hey you! *Gives physical res*

Night Ode: Haha dark magic go BRRR

Panther Dance: I bestow upon you the power to be speed

Bewildering Grace: Either "here you go you deserve only the best" or "Fuck You" there is no in between

Sealticge's Seduction: Sharing is caring but maybe not if you're the enemy and this attack now affects all of you

APOTHECARY

First Aid: You get HP now but only you

Icicle: Why don't you... cool off for a sec

Rehabilitate: Status ailments, begone!

Amputation: I'm a healer, but...

Empoison: Whoops my hand slipped, have fun suffering

Vivify: Hey you! Wake up! Just you tho

Last Stand: I'm a healer, but I WILL KILL YOU AND THE GROUND YOU STAND ON

Dohter's Charity: Sharing is caring :) Now we can all have the goods

THIEF

Steal: Give me your stuff. Now.

Wildfire: Ah man, that's gotta... burn

HP Thief: Hippity hoppity your HP is now my property

Shackle Foe: Your physical attacks are doing less damage now? Whoops, my bad

Armour Corrosive: You have less physical defense now? Whoops, my bad

Steal SP: Hippity hoppity your SP is now my property

Share SP: Fine, I guess you can have some of my SP

Aeber's Reckonning: You wanna see some real speed, bitch? *Obliberates enemies*

HUNTER

Rain of Arrows: You get shot with an arrow, you get show with an arrow!

True Strike: I will shoot specifically you with an arrow

Thunderbird: Well wasn't that... shocking

Leghold Trap: Oh no, you're acting last for two turns now! I wonder how that happened

Mercy Strike: Fine, I guess I'll spare you

Arrowstorm: Everyone gets shot with arrows!

Take Aim: No seriously guys, take aim

Draefendi's Rage: I Will Obliberate You All

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Yeah look I don't know what I'm doing

Who even does on this site

Anyways I'll continue working on school work and Primrose's Chapter 1 Badly Summarised so goodbye y'all

What am I doing this isn't even funny

#tag your favourite skill #mine is i'm a healer... but #also maybe hippity hoppity your SP is now my property #because it's useful #man what am i gonna do for the repeated skills #especially the sorcerer ones lmao #should i go boom boom boom or bad puns for all of them #octopath traveler #confusion tries and fails to be funny