#i'm lowkey embarrassed to put this in the tags LMAO but if i don't i'll never be able to find it again

[riddlerosehearts]

got myself thinking about my own personal experiences with frozen, and why the first movie means enough to me to be my favorite of all time, and thought i might as well just go ahead and post about it in case there's anyone who wants to read it. although i'm not great with words, so this post will probably be too long and feel too silly and over the top, and i should also warn that this is a lot of very personal information, but:

i saw frozen in theaters on its opening weekend in 2013. i hadn't listened to any of the songs in advance at all--i've avoided listening to the soundtracks for new disney movies prior to seeing them in theaters ever since i saw princess and the frog in 2009, because i feel like i enjoy my first experience with the movie and the music more that way. although i may have already overheard snippets of let it go back then just because it was so popular. i honestly don't remember too clearly because my strongest memory by far of hearing let it go for the first time is being absolutely blown away by it in the theater.

so. i've had depression and social anxiety since i was a kid, and, although i didn't know this until several years after frozen was released, i'm autistic as well. so dealing with all of these things at once, combined with the fact that i had no idea i was autistic, made me think i just couldn't ever fit in with anyone because i was weird and there was something wrong with me. for most of my life i never had any friends and i thought i had to hide from people as much as possible. which i do think is at least a little justified by the fact that the whole time i was in school from fifth grade through tenth grade--after tenth grade my parents finally pulled me out of public school and i was homeschooled, something i'd honesty been begging them to do--i was bullied and betrayed by friends in various ways because i was weird and didn't fit in. i won't go into details, but the fact that i knew while still in public school that i was bisexual also played into this.

so seeing elsa's parents hide her from the world because she had something that made her different from others, seeing her be taught to "conceal, don't feel" and called a monster, just hit me very hard when i first saw the movie. i interpreted her as having developed depression and anxiety like i did (and now, ever since 2016 when i discovered that i was autistic, i've also liked to headcanon her as such) and just felt so incredibly happy to see her proudly proclaim that she wasn't going to hold back and hide who she was anymore, letting herself freely use her powers, and decide that even if she had to be alone, at least she was free.

and then, seeing how anna fought so hard to get elsa to come home and make sure she knew that she didn't have to be alone and that she wasn't unloved, and seeing the people of arendelle accept her wholeheartedly as she created an ice skating rink at the end, gave me so much hope for myself. as did reading the "sisterhood is the strongest magic" books and other things like the various frozen comics, and watching frozen fever and olaf's frozen adventure, and seeing that elsa truly was accepted by her people, that she was capable and loved as queen and had a home, that anna and kristoff and all the people of arendelle appreciated her as she was, would be there when she felt anxious or needed a shoulder to cry on, and didn't at all believe that her powers made her weird and out of place with them. all of this just gave me so, so much comfort throughout the years and still does all of this time later.

i know a lot of people are sick of frozen and find it to be overhyped, and everyone certainly has the right to their opinion! but elsa is basically tied with one other fictional character as my favorite of all time, i love anna and kristoff and yes, even olaf, very dearly, and i do believe that the movie deserves all of the love it gets. i find it so beautiful that people can read elsa's powers and her story as an allegory for so many different things and connect with her and find comfort in her in so many different ways. i can hardly believe that it's been over 10 years since the movie came out, over 10 years since i saw elsa transform her stuffy coronation gown into that beautiful flowing ice dress and sing about finally letting herself be who she really was. maybe loving frozen even half as much as i do is "cringy", but this is my own personal tumblr blog and i will be as cringy as i want! and besides, the cold never bothered me anyway. i'm sorry, i couldn't resist saying that.

#frozen #disney #i'm lowkey embarrassed to put this in the tags LMAO but if i don't i'll never be able to find it again

[sumeshi-t]

✨ self-ship tag game ✨

PART 2 | IwaLee (here you go, discord)

sorry if it's corny/cheesy LMAO my brain empty i can't think of anything to make for iwa's birthday i'm such a dumbass. was also supposed to draw an nsfw-ish thing for this but ya girl is feelin’ out of it lately sjhfalhj

How we met:

okay let’s just say i’m smart enough to land myself a scholarship in socal since i’m taking physical therapy anyway

i feel like... we would meet in the library LMAO what asian nerds

maybe i’d end up bothering him with the way i’m murmuring anatomy stuff and talking to myself when studying

so he overhears me struggling to remember that one word and he’s gonna fucking answer for me like okay sorry bud i’m stupid

jk i won’t react like that i’d just be like, “yes!” and turn to look at whoever it was who answered and say thank you because i’m so immersed in my own bubble of “knowledge” and big brain

when i notice that he’s actually cute i’d be fucking red in the ears out of embarrassment when he tells me to tone my voice down lmao so i apologize for being a bother :(

actually says, “don’t mind” damnit his english do be cute. just two asian kids far from home with accents

it’s awkward, but i’d steal glances at what he’s studying. would probably get caught after a looong while, but it’s bc i’ll be blanking off, brain tired

“do you have anything you want to ask?” he’ll be dropping his pen over his notes leaning back and stretching, bending his neck, rolling his shoulders while waiting for my answer

“omg i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to stare.” then i ask what his program is just bc he could be in one of my classes and i didnt know

anyway, turns out our schedules were pretty similar, we live in the same area/dorm, so like there’s always a chance for us to meet somehow

we wouldn’t give numbers to eo on that same day; like give it about two weeks of constantly bumping into eo before that happens

watch me share my highlighters with him, exchanging notes, passing some snacks beneath the table like its weed or sumn

from lib meetings to getting lunch together to being invited to watch his games (in freshman year i’d still go because i’d be less busier)

i would definitely use the honorifics on him, from “iwaizumi-san” gradually to “iwa-kun”; he won't admit that he likes it because it's a little piece of home

would convince to practice palpation with him because his body is a perfect example–

"wh-why don't you ask someone from your class?"

"i'm not that close with—are you blushing? omg you are!"

somehow i joke around, "i won't touch your dick," then i'd laugh at his reaction.

anyway, in return for using his body as a model, i have to sit through a godzilla marathon with him

the first time he sees me breakdown from the stress he's kinda flustered at first; but he's seen similar things with oikawa so he has a faint idea what to do. damn his hugs feel so warm, so safe

i'm quicker to open up to him, once i got comfortable; and reassurance that if he needed someone to talk to i'll also be there

basically a slow burn best friends to lovers kinda thing

ngl i'd be crushing on him by the time we're entering second year maybe? but because we're friends i always throw the thought away because i don't wanna ruin what we have

but da heart wants what it wants

it would take: the teasing of his buddies back at japan after seeing him post ig pics of us together (it was me who did it, i grabbed his phone); and, my own set of friends getting annoyed at me for always being in denial—all these just for us to finally come into terms with what we feel for eo

"i have something to tell you," we'll say to eo before we enter the lib ksksksk

"oh, you go first-" "no, you-"

it's awkward but i'll be the first to confess and he's 👁👁

"you... what?" "smh don't make me say it again, iwa. does this mean we're not friends anymore?"

"yeah"

"oh..."

"because i like you too. you... wanna go out with me?"

First date x type of dates:

study dates are automatically a thing for sure; we've upgraded from lib to cafe dates

since we're like, friends before this, potential stuff for first dates are already crossed out since we've kinda done them already???

so this issue was raised and his mind said, "then let's redo everything,"

the first thing we did outside campus was go on a foodtrip. because i was craving filo food, and he was craving jap food. and then i have this kinda habit that when i get to eat something delicious, i silently squeal or hum in my seat he finds that cute

the "first date" doesn't really have to be grand because we're like... close friends with feelings. so we don't have to try hard to please each other. everything just feels natural when we're together

anyway, we try out the food we didn't have before. he still prefers sinigang over adobo. he's still kinda amazed where i put all the food after eating a bowl of ramen that's good for two

he's gonna take a pic of me in that excited face i make when the food is placed before me and make it his wallpaper (homescreen) secretly

after that, we're just walking, me telling him about something i watched or nerd talk, then he slips his hand against mine, holding it and pulling me closer that it makes me shut up–so he laughs

"that's all it takes to get you quiet, babe?"

"w-what? also... did you just call me babe? because i didn't think i'd like it,"

"i know something you'll like," he stops walking, then, with his free hand he cups my face and pulls in for a kith kith 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

i am blushing when i tell him, "that your first kiss?"

"y-yeah, why?"

"same"

we were already walking and he swoops in for a quick peck again, "then that's the second,"

he says that with a little frown on his face, cheeks also flushed and ugh soft!lee—i lean my head against his arm because i'm too short to put it above his shoulder. but anyway i tell him, "didn't think you had it in you to be this soft for me,"

"sh-shut up"

it doesn't seem romantic because ✨it doesn't have to be when we're already happy✨

While we’re dating:

he saves all the selfies i send him; whether it's the meme-ish ones or just me feelin' good about myself he's got them saved

notebooks getting interchanged kskskss it's terrible because one minute i'm reading my notes about pharma, then i flip a page and i see stuff about sports science like–???

tho what makes it cute is that he has tiny scribbles on corners in hiragana or maybe kanji and some random zigzag lines over some words–a sign that he fell asleep with a pen in his hand

i have lots of caps (that are majority of my dad's but i like them all so i brought sum) and he just... gets one from behind my door (it's the same energy as the hoodies thing)

and i 🥺 bc he actually looks good in caps like??? sir that's illegal

ok but walks in the beach at sunset

also surfer!iwa???? mhhhh yes yes living the dream honestly

ofc volleyball is involved, he's kinda pleased i can play decently. it's either the gym or vb

he would force me to go to the gym smh "you're a PT aren't you? shouldn't you be moving around too?" i'm gonna grumble but the sight of his er, toned body before during and after exercising is the best reward

actually its a win-win, he likes how my butt is outlined by my jog pants and how for him, i still look good even if i'm sweaty all over

hehe we'd end up getting horny by the time we reach the dorms–you know the rest and afterwards:

"so, you'll go to the gym more often now?"

"if it ends up like this, i wouldn't mind,"

we teach eo our mother language! but only on our spare time. omg imagine him telling me "mahal na mahal kita"??? i'm??? or when he's chatting with oikawa (especially that one time he sent a selfie of him and ushijima) he uses tagalog swear words if he just wants to mess with his best friend

vidcalls with each other's fam—i mean, for my parents they know we've been always close, and like, it will be my grandma/dad who'd ask him, "when will you court my granddaughter/daughter?"

he got so nervous, he stuttered, "i'm... i'm courting her already,"

anyway they approve of him because he is smart^TM and a good man 🥺 because they know he has ambitions in life the same way that i do have my own goals i wanna achieve

meanwhile me, i'm gonna be so nervous trying to speak to his fam, but they're all so sweet so i tell him afterwards, "so that's where you get the softies,"

anyway since this is college we're talking about, every passing year, we both become busy, especially when internships come around

but when he can, he'll fetch me from the hospital with comfort food because he knows it's been a rough day and he wants to make sure i'm taking care of myself 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 lowkey i try to do the same for him because he deserves it; but he says it's okay and that i should be preserving my energy for my studies 😭