#i wish pronouns just didn't exist lol. it's too hard to decide

[non-un-topo]

See I would try to socially transition for a few years first, except no one refers to me as he/they

#ignore me i'm journaling in another tab lol #when you look like me and say you go by all pronouns it's always “she” lol. sometimes the rare “they” #and the one that always makes me laugh: 'her pronouns are they/them'. like thanks mate very helpful #and i do go by all pronouns so it's all good! i just wonder if i should try these two out exclusively for a while #i say this as if i didn't do this a few years ago. ......shut up. #i'll say that the last time i went out with pals and my partner i asked them to refer to me as he/him for the night and it didn't feel weir #but idk. i think it only sometimes feels weird because 1) it's so binary and 2) i clearly do not look like a cis guy so it's hard to pictur #i.................... think i HAVE been socially transitioning for three years. damn it. #i wish pronouns just didn't exist lol. it's too hard to decide #and every time i get excited about transition and ALMOST decide to do it i suddenly remember aaaaaall my partner's family members exist. #mostly their SIL's family. very very big and traditional. that wedding this summer was dysphoria HELL. absolute hell. #i understand why people start hrt without telling anyone. my god it's so much easier and no one can try to convince you not to do it.

[ackermans-freedom-inc]

(Hi dear! I'm so happy to be able to get another letter from Levi, I'll either read it on my birthday or on Valentine's day and then I'll give you my compliments because I know it will be perfect. My pronouns are she/her, in case you need them and you already know my name! So in this scenario, I've written this letter for Levi, but I decided not to give it to him, but he found it anyway on the ground, near a trash can I missed it, lol. This is after the war has ended, I live with Levi, Falco and Gabi while Onyankopon is helping us to live in Marley!)

Dear Levi,

I wanted to express my gratitude. Thank you so much for allowing me to stick around. That means a lot to me. I really appreciate the time we spend together. Know that I enjoy being with you, and I'm not forcing myself because I feel bad for you, like you seem to think.

It's weird, isn't it? I remember like it was yesterday, the time when we were still fighting against Titans, not knowing how more complicated it all was.. Ever since I met you, I quickly realized how kind you truly are. I respected you, and admired you. I still do. You have to understand that your worth is not based on your physical strength. You don't have to fight anymore, you can just live. You're not weak, you're not useless, you're not hideous because of your scars and your injured leg and eye, like I've told you countless times. So please, don't be sad. Don't be so hard on yourself. You matter, and you are worthy of this life.

You asked me yesterday, at the picnic, what do I wish the most in this world. I know I answered “to see my friends living long and happy lives”, and I meant it! But.. It's gonna sound stupid.. I once dreamed of becoming important to someone, some day. And soon after I met you, I realized.. I wanted to live with you. I had found my purpose. I want to live in a beautiful cottage with you, with nature surrounding us as we'd live normally as a couple. I want to be important to you as much as you are important to me. All of those years, watching you from afar, never telling how I felt, dreaming of the day that you would notice me and love me like I love you, a day that would never come.

I know it's selfish, and I'm not good enough for youLevi, I love you. More than anything. I wake up every morning, happy to help you in your everyday life, happy to go outside for a walk with you, happy to share the same apartment as you, happy to talk about everything and nothing with you, happy to be alive with you.

I don't know why I'm writing this. Please, if you do not reciprocate my feelings, which I know you don't, act as if this letter never existed. I just want you to love me and be happy with me to know that you are loved.

Please answer truthfully. Do you mind me staying with you forever in the apartment? Am I too clingy? Too invasive? Do you mind me helping you to walk? Do you mind me accompanying you outside everyday? Do you mind me cooking for you? Do you mind me making sure you heal well? Do you mind me speaking to you every day? Maybe I think I'm helping and I'm wanted here, when I'm not. If I'm not, then I'll go away, I'll find some other place to live and I won't bother you, I swear it.

You must be so tired of me. I used to be so in control of my emotions before. Everytime I'm near you, which happens pretty frequently, I become this clumsy, flustered, shy woman. I must be so annoying. How can you not get sick of me? Maybe you are.

Oh, right! I almost forgot! Happy Valentine's day! Although I'm sure it isn't a special day for you at all, I wanted to say it to you, even if it's not in person. To show you I care about you. I made you a cake for the occasion, even though I couldn't muster the courage to tell you why I made it this morning. I'm grateful that the kids didn't tell you why I made the cake, I wouldn't of survived the humiliation. They helped me bake it, you know? Such sweet kids. I wish I could make your tea shop happen sooner, but I need to save more money. I'll see about my dream cottage after that.

From the bottom of my heart,

Lhéa

A/N: LHÉA THANK U FOR COMING BACK FOR ANOTHER YEAR 🥺 thank you for another wonderful letter and I hope you enjoy!

Lhéa,

Imagine my surprise when I spotted your letter by the bin. Imagine my surprise reading your words rather than hear them from you.

You root me to this life. This different life that I now live. You know of my past, snippets of it at least. From the earliest time I can remember, fighting was the way to survive. Now that the world is...more at peace than it was before, part of me misses the action.

I fear that the part of me that took lives will never disappear. That worries me. You are, dear Lhéa, too gentle, too kind to be tied up with the likes of me. I am but a shell of my former self, one that you were sure to love more.

You are important to me, as you are, every single day. Know that.

I admit, my hesitation towards your actions were for the reason that I...do not want to hold you back. There are plenty of eligible bachelors in the city, plenty much more accomplished, more suitable for you than I. From your words, I can see that you are unwilling to budge despite my best intentions. Perhaps thats why I fell in love with you myself. A stubbornness that mirrors my own.

Lhéa, your staying by my side is a selfish act on my part. Keeping you by my side, enjoying your company, eating you deliciously cooked meals, trying those recipes that end up with the kitchen in ruins. Having you hold my arm when we go for walks, I can let myself stop pretending for a second to be strong and lean on you. Lhéa I love it all, and cannot thank you enough for all you do. Truly.

Sometimes, I wonder if the others notice how I am around you. I mirror your flustered nature. I was always, in my previous life, in control of emotions. I rarely lost control, but control is so fleeting. So let us just live. Enjoy the blue skies we have, the peace.

The kids enjoy your company the way I enjoy theirs, and would love your plans for a cottage. We can work towards those goals. Together.

Thank you for the wonderful cake this morning. I have a gift for you myself, I will give it to you later on our evening walk perhaps. I have much to say to you in person.

Happy Valentine's Day, may we have many more.

Levi

Valentines Day Event

#aot spoilers #snk spoilers #aot spoiler #snk spoiler #Levi x reader #suz.writes. #suz's inbox #Valentines Day Event 2022 #sender - levi-addiction #HOPE U LIKE THIS