#i was bored one day at work n the brain was like congrats. we r making this a serious au now

[quagmireisadora]

[Jonghyun / Taemin] Spring Runs in My Blood (Part 1)

Rating: R-ish Warning: none (yet) Genre: soulmate au Length: ~7694 (this part)

A/N: I rarely write JongTae and I never write soulmate aus so, my gratitude to @minhoandthebabes for allowing me to indulge in both with her. Title is a reference to the poem 봄 by Yoon Dongju

------

It wasn't the timer itself but the anticipation of it going off that led Jonghyun to the cafe. Not fate, not kismet. No. It was purely nerves. That's what he told himself later on.

In all honesty, his nerves had been performing calisthenics ever since he'd hit the "three months to go" mark and they'd sat him down for an orientation at work. What to expect and what not to expect, they’d told him--expect to be surprised, pleasantly or otherwise; don't expect sex right off the bat. Everyone went through an orientation like that, he was assured. Everyone was given a full rundown on the physical and emotional changes that were to come in the following… rest of his life, really. That's the standard duration spent with a soulmate, anyway. A lifetime. 

So there he was, in the cafe, definitely not predestined to be there and simply craving caffeine before an important meeting with an important client. His head was in the bulky presentation he still needed to review, not on some stupid sequence of numbers on his wrist. Definitely not on the damn numbers, because they caught him by surprise. After all, time doesn't wait. Not for clients and not for meetings. 

As he was placing his order, his wrist began vibrating. 

"Oh hell…" he mumbled to himself, clutching at the string of green zeros as if to hide a shameful scar. “I can’t do this right now!” he thought as his eyes roved the cafe, looking for other victims of similar misfortune, other people panicking just like him. Anyone else with a soulmate problem? he silently--desperately--called out in his mind. Anyone at all?

Taemin went there often. The wifi was great, the coffee he didn't really care about. Snacks were nice too, and the barista was hot. At least, he'd tried to get her number and she hadn't slapped him, so that was a plus. Many years later as he recounted the memory for guests, he insisted he visited the place to escape his mother's nagging and his brother's domestics.

But really, he only went there for the wifi. 

When he was just about to execute a perfect KO against another player, his timer buzzed. He jumped in surprise, yelled out a shocked “shit!”, did everything he wasn't supposed to do. And sent his drink flying onto an old man in a suit. 

"Yah!" the man barked indignantly. "What do you think you're doing?!" 

"A-ahh…! Why'd you sit so close to me, then?" Taemin complained in response. He looked back at his computer to find he'd been defeated and that his opponent--some guy from Taipei--was sending him all kinds of trash talk in celebration. "Ahhh!" he let out another disappointed sound.

The old man stared incredulously at him. "You punk...! Do you have any idea how expensive this suit is?!" he demanded, waving his lapel wildly, drops of juice flying from the action. 

"Do you have any idea how good that drink was?!" Taemin snapped back, a few other patrons within earshot snorted. "What?" Taemin replied to them too. "It was really good, OK?! Had like little bits of pineapple and everything! And now your… stupid expensive suit is drinking all of it. You should be the one sorry to me, ahjussi!"

"Oh, I'll show you sorry--" the man glowered and rolled up his sleeves.

Jonghyun rubbed a hand on his forehead. "These idiots are being too noisy…" he muttered, still looking around. "How will I find that person now?!" 

"--you need to watch your tone, young man!" the ahjussi yelled. 

"I'm not a young man!" Taemin fought back, then realised that was incorrect. "I mean. I'm young and I'm a man. But. No, wait--" he held his hands out in front of himself to compute the situation, but the buzzing on his arm continued to be a distraction for his already addled brain. "Ahhh this stupid stupid timer going off right now!" he slapped the place like that would help stop it.

Had Jonghyun not been eavesdropping, he wouldn't have caught that. "Wh--what?" he narrowed his eyes, walking over to the scene and addressing the young and disoriented guy. "E-excuse me?" he started. 

"Wat?"

"May I see your uhm…" he gestured to the other's arm, holding his own out. "May I see it?" 

Taemin looked from the offered limb to the man. "Why?" 

Jonghyun rolled his eyes in exasperation and grabbed the guy's hand to compare their timers. The buzzing stopped, a sign that they really were a match. He looked around the cafe and no one else seemed to be coming forward. "You’ve got to be--! Are you really the one?" he demanded, like that made absolutely no sense.

Taemin scratched his head. "The one what?" 

It was the ahjussi with the ruined suit who came to their rescue. "Oh… I see," he backed away from them, his threats dissipating. "Uhh. Congrats," he waved his hand dismissively at them and left their side.

As more people around them caught on, they started to clap, the applause growing in a wave until every single pair of eyes in the cafe was on them. Taemin’s confused face slowly split into a grin, and then he waved at the other patrons like he was some kind of celebrity. 

Jonghyun, on the other hand, wanted to shrink away in shame. 

A barista came over with a tray, a gift set of two matching cups and several coupons for free drinks on it. "Congratulations, sirs," she bowed to them and smiled pleasantly. "Please accept these on our behalf, and make sure to post about this wonderful coincidence on your SNS!” She gestured politely to the large glass front of the cafe. “The nearest Soulmate Depot is across the street. Please be careful on your way, and visit us again soon!" 

"Waaahhh~" Taemin accepted the gifts happily. "This is all so--!" 

"Unbelievable..." Jonghyun completed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "W-wait," he had a sudden thought. "Are you even eighteen?" 

"Why does that matter…?" Taemin scowled before his expression lightened. "Wait, you're gay?!" he pointed a ridiculing finger at the man as he laughed, then stopped with shock in his eyes. "Wait, I'm gay?!" he touched his chest. "But… girls think I'm hot."

Jonghyun nearly swooned and fainted at the stupidity. "Please come with me," he said in a very strict and very formal tone. 

"What?! Where?!" Taemin defended himself. But his arm was tugged and he was left with no choice. He packed his things, hurriedly stuffing them into a backpack, and followed the other out. 

It had snowed recently. The ground was slippery and the sky overcast. Someone at Jonghyun’s office had circulated news that there was a storm coming later in the week. But considering how insane his day had been so far, he wouldn't have been shocked if the sky started spitting a blizzard down at them any minute. As they walked towards the depot, he hugged his coat closer around himself.

"How old are you?" his inquiry had an impersonal tone. 

"Uhh… twenty-six?" Taemin replied, counting on his fingers. "I think?" 

You think? Jonghyun wondered if this guy was on drugs. He was sure he couldn’t handle an addict for a soulmate. "Uhm. By any chance, have you completed high-school?" he continued his questions.

"Duh," the other snorted. "I'm not some. Uhh. Imbecile?" he confirmed the word with Jonghyun. "Yeah, yeah. Imbecile. I have a job and all, OK?"

"Oh. May I ask where you work?" Jonghyun stopped walking and took out his phone, held it at the ready to cross-check the information.

"Ahhh why're you asking all this stuff?!" Taemin jiggled a finger in his ear. "So annoying…"

The other grit his teeth, struggling to maintain his composure. "Sir, if we're about to spend the rest of our lives together, I'd feel more comfortable knowing all this.”

"Oh," Taemin blinked. "Fair," he shrugged. "Uhh, I mean. I said I have a job but uhm--"

Here comes the clincher, Jonghyun thought.

"Heh. See, I did have a job. But then I went to the army for two years, and then I had only two months to go on my timer and nobody would give me a job. So now," Taemin chuckled stupidly. "I'm… unemployed?" 

It didn't sound as bad as Jonghyun had expected it to be. Maybe not a druggie, just a weirdo. Still bad, but maybe he could learn to live with it. "And… may I ask how you survive, sir?"

Taemin picked his nose as he answered, completely bored now. "Well, hyung found his soulmate last year. They married and get a stipend from the state. And eomma and appa… they do what they can," he said with a noncommittal shrug, getting his hand slapped away from his face by a disgusted Jonghyun. 

Moving on from the place and the subject, Taemin blinked at the large blue and white sign above their heads when they’d arrived across the street from the cafe. "I've never been inside one of these…" he spoke with awe, then turned to explain to the other. "You know. Cause I didn't have a soulmate before. But. Now I do. So. Yeah."

"I gathered," Jonghyun spoke from behind gritted teeth. He was losing his patience with all this. "Let's just get this over with."

They were asked to present their wrists to a scanner each. After a series of beeps and blinking lights, the door hushed open for them. They looked around the empty hallway, its walls and ceiling and even carpeting a pristine white. 

"Whoa…" Taemin let out. 

Soon, a woman with a confident gait walked over and stopped before them with a bow. "Welcome to Nonhyeon Soulmate Depot! Congratulations on beginning your journey together. We hope to give you all the information you need before you can go on and make happy and wonderful memories!" she bowed again and gestured for them to go through a tall set of doors at the far end of the hallway. 

They shuffled over together, and a second wrist scan later were allowed into a much larger room filled with desks and cubicles and mechanical apparatus of all kinds. 

"Whoa!" Taemin gushed again.

While the place looked full, it wasn't really. Only a handful of other couples were scattered around, seated at different tables. Each was being instructed by pleasant-faced officials, pointing at pamphlets or screens, talking with exaggerated motions, directing them to their next stop.

"Whoa--" Taemin started to express his amazement a third time when he was cut off by an irate Jonghyun. 

"I think we should call someone over to help.”

On cue, a woman walked over to them, her air professional but her smile tight like she wasn't impressed with what they had to offer. "Welcome," she bowed as well. "This won't take very long. We've got biometrics over there--" she began to walk, pointing to various cubicles as they passed them. "Blood test over here, general physical test over here, eyesight and hearing here, urine test in the far end over by the toilet signs. And over here--" she stopped at one point. "We'll require your national ID numbers to link you up on our database," she explained. "Standard procedure. We also have an in-house specialist providing advice on pregnancy, but you won't be needing that."

"Oh. Why not?" Taemin asked with some disappointment.

The woman turned to him with exasperation. "Because you're both men. Now, come this way please…" 

As they were herded from place to place, Jonghyun was constantly shocked by the man and his ridiculously dumb questions. The officers at the HQ seemed to have a very high threshold for nonsense, but Jonghyun--not a chance. He went eagerly when they separated them for individual interrogation.

In return for his curiosity, Taemin was asked all kinds of questions too. Did he have cancer. Did anyone in his family have cancer. Was he allergic to anything, did he have any phobias, was he currently on any special medication. Was there any history of mental illness in his family, or in his own life. He tried answering as faithfully as he could, even when some of the questions were complicated. Soon, he was starting to feel uncomfortable with all the measuring and weighing and poking and prodding he was being subjected to.

But when they were finally brought to the last counter, he was told he'd get a monthly stipend of five million won with a potential for increase depending on how their relationship progressed. Taemin nearly jumped for joy, doing a little jig when they were reunited again. 

"Five-mill-yun, Five-mill-yun," he sang as Jonghyun watched him, embarrassed and wanting desperately to leave. The relief he felt when a woman came up to them and said they were free to go, was unparalleled. He stormed off into the night, wishing this was all a very elaborate nightmare his hysterical brain had conjured up, and that he'd wake up laughing about it. 

But, nope. 

"Hey…!" Taemin chased him down, almost slipping on ice. "Hey, wait!" he called after the other, reaching him only to keel over and breathe with difficulty. "What's--what's your name, though?!" 

"I am Kim Jonghyun," came the stiff reply. "And you are…?" 

"Taemin. Lee Taemin," he said with a bright smile. "Sixty-fifth nephew of the great Lee… Lee uhh," he scratched his head. "What was that philosopher dude's name again…?" he asked himself before flapping his wrist to dismiss his own thoughts. "Never mind. Nice to meet you anyway," he nodded and walked beside the guy for several feet.

It was only fifteen minutes later that Taemin stopped in confusion. "Wait, wait. Am I supposed to come with you?" 

Jonghyun gave him a deprecating look. "Sir. I understand we are soulmates. But right now, I have more important things to attend to. Please," he gestured back the way they’d come. "Let me be on my way."

Taemin frowned. "But… numbers," he said like that explained everything. 

Jonghyun huffed tiredly. "May I have your phone?" he held his own out. When he had both devices, he passed them against each other. "There. You have my details now. May I go?"

Taemin started to nod, but then held up a finger. "W-wait. They gave me--" he fished through the pockets of his large and puffy jacket before pulling out a box of condoms and holding it as if triumphantly. "These."

Jonghyun felt his face burn. "Goodbye!" he barked and scuttled away in urgency.

"So rude…!" Taemin scowled and spun on his heel to walk in the opposite direction. Once again, he made it several steps before he stopped and rang the newly added contact on his phone. 

"Yes?!" Jonghyun hissed. 

"Uhh, I'm lost. Where's the nearest station?" 

Jonghyun nearly burst out in tears. Why did he have to walk into that café?

------

At home, Taemin was asked eager questions by his family. Who was it? What kind of person were they? Where did they live? Were they coming to pick him up that night? Was he moving out soon? He brushed all their inquiries away like he did with anything they'd ever asked of him. 

Then he returned to playing video games again. 

On the other, posher side of town, Jonghyun's coworkers easily forgave him for being late. The important meeting turned into a discussion about his soulmate, major project stakeholders and clients turning into gossip mongers within the blink of an eye. Jonghyun shifted uncomfortably from the attention to his personal life, happy to finally leave the room when the meeting was adjourned. 

"You're happy, though?" Jinki asked him at the end of the day. 

"Hardly," Jonghyun tried to keep the whine out of his voice but couldn't help it. "He's an idiot."

Jinki chuckled. "I'm sure he's not that bad."

Little did he know that over the duration of one week, Taemin would be the direct result of ensuing disaster. 

To be fair, he did nothing out of the ordinary--he spent his time sitting in front of a screen and stuffing his face with junk food. His phone rang several times, but he ignored it. His mother knocked on his door at mealtimes but he ignored that, too. His hyung finally walked in and tried to fight the game controller out of his hands, but he resisted it until he couldn't. 

By the end of the third day, there were weird headaches that lasted hours--pangs that nearly blinded him with tears. Then, his stomach started to get upset, rejecting everything he ate regardless of how healthy and nourishing his mother insisted it was. His father bought a bag of red ginseng to boil for him, his sister-in-law found a good acupuncturist in the neighborhood. They did their best to ignore his stubbornness, to stop his health from failing the way it was. But every remedy every solution was accompanied by the same, very strict advice. 

"You need to go be with your soulmate."

Jonghyun knew this would happen, just as he knew he would probably end up suffering the same illness. As time wore on, he felt shittier and shittier and his health got worse and worse. And although Roo’s company would usually comfort him in such times, there was no curing this with puppy tricks and silly games. 

When his stomach took a break from heaving its contents, he crawled out of the bathroom and rested against whatever he could find before reaching for his phone. He texted instead of calling. “I assume your condition is just as bad as mine,” he managed to write in formal words, despite the shudder in his hands. “Please come to this location, I believe meeting may help us.”

Taemin, in a daze of sickness and pain, wrote back a “who dis” to the location pin, before rolling away and falling asleep. His phone rang frantically for a long time in response to that, but there was simply no rousing him. 

Somewhere across the river, a man let out an agonized and indignant yell of annoyance.

It was several hours later that Taemin could finally gather the strength and fortitude to sit up in bed, then waddle his way out of his room. It took him a long while to stop swooning and shrug on a jacket, leaving his home to the happy encouragement of his entire family. Outside, the air was biting cold, but the sun was out for a change. It reinforced his courage to keep going--he’d feel better soon, he thought to himself. A few minutes out in the fresh air would do him well. Right?

Wrong.

In a cold sweat, hanging off the side of a pedestrian bridge, he threw up again. Walking had been a bad idea. Being outside had been a bad idea. Thinking was a bad idea, too, he realized from under the haze of his splitting headache. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and cursed loudly, answering the call.

“Where the hell are you?” Jonghyun’s impatient voice immediately berated.

“I… I don’t know where I am!” Taemin whined, looking around for signs. “Come--come get me, I’m dying!

“You’re not dying, just… just send me your location, OK? I’ll come to you.”

It took them a while to navigate around each other, sharing directions and several calls filled with colorful language. Jonghyun’s head reeled with more than his sickness, and he had to try very hard not to just give up and fall onto the side of the street himself. But they did finally manage to find each other, and to their credit, Taemin wasn’t yet comatose enough to not recognize his soulmate and latch onto him as soon as he was within arm’s reach.

Relief filled them the minute they came into contact with each other, a long and heavy sigh escaping their mouths in unison. Jonghyun brushed the dirt off of Taemin’s clothes, muttering something about lying on the sidewalk like a homeless man, and then he piled them onto a bus. 

By the time they’d arrived at his apartment building, they were both walking upright again.

“Is… this a kidnapping?” Taemin shattered all hope of a civil conversation the minute he opened his mouth.

“Yes,” Jonghyun replied sarcastically. “Man kidnaps his own soulmate, of course, what a terrible and common crime. In what world would that even make sense?!” he yelled.

“Y-you could be into…” Taemin gestured wildly, even though his argument held no conviction. “Organ trafficking!” If he had any other protests to make in that line of thought, they were all invalidated when he was yanked into an elevator.

“Wait… is this your house? Are you taking us to your apartment?” he asked as they waited in the lift car. “Do you have video games?”

“No…” Jonghyun shook his head, frowning. “Why?”

The other made a disgusted face. “What kind of person doesn’t have video games…” he mumbled, pulling out his phone and switching it to game mode. A hologram appeared above his screen, accompanied by the sounds of clashing swords and grunted exclamations.

Jonghyun scoffed, then snatched the device away. “Hey--” he said sternly, putting the device out of reach of the other as a struggle ensued. “Hey, listen to me! I’m bringing you into my house because we need to spend time with each other. Do you understand? That means no video games, no sulking in different rooms, no doing our own things, OK?” he explained. “Do you understand me?”

“Yeah, yeah, stop shouting,” Taemin complained when he gave up, covering his ear and mumbling something about feisty old men. He plodded after the other when they arrived at their floor, hands deep in his pockets and eyes on the carpet. “What are we going to do then?” he pouted as Jonghyun unlocked his front door. “You don’t have video games, you don’t look like a fun guy, and--” he suddenly brightened with an idea.

“Do we fuck?”

Jonghyun let out a choked noise. “N-no!” he denied, hesitating for a minute before allowing the other into his home. “We don’t even know each other yet!”

“But I mean…” Taemin followed his host indoors. “We’re two guys, aren’t we? Are we supposed to fuck? I don’t even know how we would fuck. Do you know how we would fuck? I don’t think we can fuck. What happens if we do fuck? Do I fuck you or do you fuck me? Is fucking even legal between two guys? Are we supposed to fuck in this neighborhood--?”

“Can you!” Jonghyun whirled and covered the man’s mouth. “Stop saying fuck so much?” he hissed. “It’s… it’s making me nervous!”

Taemin frowned, but nodded. But as was in his nature, when he was let go of, he muttered a single and unnecessary “fuck” and then ran away into another room.  

“What has my life come to…” Jonghyun sobbed as he watched the other clown around in his apartment, opening door after door and peeking in.

------

When he’d calmed the guy down and handed him a glass of juice, they sat across from each other in the TV lounge, studying one another--or at least, Jonghyun did the studying while Taemin simply hummed tunelessly and sipped from a curly plastic straw. We’re adults, Jonghyun thought to himself. Right? Even if he’s a moron, we’re adults, we can deal with this like adults. This is no big deal.

“So. Uhm. Since you were so enthusiastic about it. Have you uhh…” he made a vague gesture at the man’s torso. “You know. Ever explored? Down there?”

Taemin frowned as he sipped noisily. “What, you mean Australia?” he asked. “No, I’ve never even crossed the equator before. Why’re you asking about travel all of a sudden?”

Jonghyun nearly fainted. No, he realized. We’re not adults. “I’m asking about your… you know! Man things!” he gestured wildly, a jabbing action at the other's crotch.

Taemin let out a low sound of comprehension. "Right, yeah, uhh--" he scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Yeah. Sometimes. When there's. You know. Girl groups on TV and stuff," he shrugged.

"Girl groups," Jonghyun repeated to confirm. "On TV."

"Yeah, why--" Taemin pouted a little, sitting up in the armchair, feeling a little defensive. "You haven't?"

Jonghyun made a motion of the hands as if to say obviously that's a stupid thing to do, and I would never do that. "Wait, so," he started again after an awkward pause. "You… you like girls?"

Taemin scratched his forehead. "I… I've never been with one," he answered honestly. "Never been with anyone."

Jonghyun studied him at that, watched the way he sat, the way he shifted and scratched and worried his lip. Watched his nervous tics and his curious eyes. He leaned back in his chair and watched for a long time--somehow unbothered by how his staring could be perceived by the other. Somehow unconcerned with that etiquette for now. 

Growing self-conscious by the minute, Taemin bounced his leg nervously as he looked around the apartment. "You live alone?" he asked before noticing the water dish in the corner. "You… you have a doggy?" he pronounced the word like a kid would.

"Hmm?" Jonghyun perked up a little at that. "You like doggies--I mean. Dogs?" he asked. "I can… I can let her out, if you're OK with them?"

Taemin’s eyes took on a gleam when he nodded eagerly. "Can I pet?"

Roo struggled in Jonghyun's arms, barking at the stranger when he walked her out. With each step she growled, baring her teeth. 

Taemin's hand reach out tentatively for her to sniff. When she was satisfied he wasn't a threat she continued her barking until he giggled and offered more of his hand, scratching her neck. "Such a good girl…" he hushed. "How old?" he looked up at Jonghyun with awestruck eyes. 

"Two years," the other replied with some pride.

For a while that's all Taemin did, playing with the pup, watching her perform her tricks, feeding her a treat or two, cackling gleefully when she licked his face. Jonghyun watched them with fondness, thinking this wasn't so bad after all. The man was an idiot, yes. And he had no experience with relationships, sure. But at least he wasn't some jerk. At least he wasn't an asshole--at least he wasn't a complete mismatch. That's what Jonghyun had been most afraid of. 

Later that day as Roo ate, Taemin sat nearby ruffling the soft fur between her ears. "You want kids, don't you?" he asked his host. 

Jonghyun was taken aback by the sudden question. "Why… what makes you say that?" 

"My hyung says… he says that only people who can't have kids keep doggies now," Taemin replied. 

There was a long silence between them at that, until Jonghyun broke it with an almost unintelligible, "Do you want kids?" 

Taemin blinked at the other, looking to where he stood cleaning dishes. "I don't think I could afford to raise a child," he admitted.

Jonghyun took off his gloves and motioned around them at the apartment, at its large space, apparently designed for a family. "You don't have to do it alone, now. We can use both our stipends."

The other shook his head. "I want to use that money to… to help my family."

"Uhh…?" Jonghyun raised an eyebrow at that. "Isn't that money meant for us? For this relationship?" He frowned at Taemin. "Are there… does your family have financial difficulties?" 

A nonchalant shrug replied. "Eomma used to work until she hurt her back and appa retired three years ago. Now hyung earns everything in a house of four, so… my stipend will help?" he reasoned. "Why. Do you--should I give that money to you?" 

Jonghyun tutted. "No, of course not. But--" his frown deepened. "Why don't you get a job again?"

Taemin whined. "Like I haven't tried?!" he insisted, walking back to the armchair and falling into it with a pout. "They keep giving the job to people with more time, more freedom. Single people. People with no soulmates…" he complained. "Why is it so unfair?"

"That's… that doesn't seem right to me," Jonghyun shook his head, joining the other across the table. "Workplace equality includes people like us. We're protected by the law. You should complain about that to the--"

Taemin excitedly pointed at the other. "That's exactly what I say to them at every interview!" he nearly yelled. "... before they ask me to leave," he wilted in place.

Jonghyun thought about that. He had heard of people leaving the company before, citing an increase in responsibilities once they had a soulmate and a family to look after. He’d heard of it happening to others. But if the truth was that they were being let go in exchange for younger yet-unconnected workers with several years ahead of them before their timers ran out... if that was the truth, he suddenly felt threatened. The boss had said he was up for a promotion soon, would him meeting Taemin change that?

“What uhm...” he tried to allay his own fears by continuing to question the man. “What did you do? Before you went away for your service?”

“I... used to work as an engineer,” Taemin scratched his chin.

“E-engineer?” Jonghyun scoffed, wondering if he should cross-check the information after all. An idiot like this? And engineering? “You’re--you’re not joking, are you?” he confirmed suspiciously.

The other scowled. “No, I’m not.” 

Balking, Jonghyun shifted forward in his chair. “Th-that’s...! That’s so prestigious! Why don’t you apply to get your old job back?!”

“Because they don’t want me back!” Taemin insisted. “I called, I sent my CV, I applied for internships--even when I’m not an intern anymore. And they--!” he sunk lower in his seat. “Just give me back my phone. I have a game to finish.”

“Taemin ssi,” Jonghyun said sternly. “There has to be another reason why they’re refusing. Have you ever thought of that? I mean, I still have my job,” he pointed to himself. “There has to be something else, something you’re not doing right--”

“Why did you bring me here if all you’re gonna do is lecture me?” Taemin complained.

The elder sighed. “OK... OK,” he placated. “You don’t want to talk. And I can’t leave you to play games by yourself. What else do you want to do?”

Taemin shrugged, still pouting.

“Have you... ever kissed someone?” Jonghyun inquired, receiving a shake of the head. “Would you like to try it?

Taemin looked around the apartment in confusion. “Who do I kiss?”

“Who do you think?!” Jonghyun demanded in frustration.

“Oh...” the other blinked, then widened his eyes. “Oh! Like two soulmates doing the--” he crossed his fingers together, “The thing. Oh. Yeah. Uhh... OK, then--” he sat forward excitedly, then stopped. “Wait, what am I supposed to do?”

Jonghyun couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him. He move closer, kneeling in front of the other and taking hold of his hands. They were small, he noticed. Soft, small, with a few silver rings on some of the fingers. “I’ll help you,” he assured in a kind voice.

Taemin shifted, unsure. “Do I need to do something?” he asked. “Like... do I hold my breath? Do I close my eyes? Is there a prayer I need to say? Or like a symbol I need to make or--?”

“Just...” Jonghyun held a finger to his own lips and craned in closer. He placed his palm to the side of the man’s face, feeling the hair and skin against his fingertips. The simple contact alone sent his heart into a speeding frenzy, his eyes studying the other for every shift every blink every exhale. There was so much to be read in Taemin’s expression, he realized then. So much sitting unspoken at the corner of those puffy lips, so many dreams in those trusting eyes. As the distance between their mouths narrowed to nearly nothing, he kept his gaze on the other, unfaltering until they were so close he had to let his eyes run out of focus before he blinked them shut.

The contact was so dizzying, Taemin thought he’d fall out of his seat. He’d never thought he’d be kissing a man, much less a man who was his soulmate. He’d also never imagined it would make him feel like there were fireworks going off in every inch of his body, like he lay face-first on a frying pan, the oil spitting as soon as it came in contact with his skin. He reached out for support, finding a pair of shoulders to lean against as his lungs started to burn for lack of air.

Jonghyun moved away a minute, then burst out laughing when he saw the other gasp. “You’re supposed to breathe!” he cracked up.

“How… how am I supposed to know that?!” Taemin demanded.

For once the other’s stupidity didn’t feel as stupid. “How did that feel?” Jonghyun asked, stroking his thumbs over bony knees. 

“... wasn’t long enough for me to decide,” a mutter replied.

“Want to go again?”

Taemin frowned in confusion. “Go where--?” he started to ask before the lips were on him again, firmer and more insistent. He noticed more this time around. Their temperature, their softness, the way they slipped against his own mouth like. Like… he tried to compare it to something he knew but this was like nothing else. This was something that couldn’t be compared. So he held onto the strong shoulders and tried kissing back.

When Jonghyun hummed, the sound reverberated against Taemin’s cheek. He gasped once more, for more than breath this time, fingers tightening on the other’s shirt, brows knitting together, eyes squeezed shut, tongue--

The circle of Jonghyun’s arms grew tighter, bringing them closer together. He was filled with an odd sense of validation, of being complete and on the verge of unbelievable happiness. And the closer he pressed Taemin to himself, the larger the feeling became.

When they parted a second time, Taemin felt shaky. “I… I should--” he stood and fell back into his seat, knees weak and thighs trembling. He looked at the other with some shock, some fright, some confusion at the intensity of his feelings. “I’m going home,” he announced when his legs were working again, finding his phone on a table and dashing for the door. 

He didn’t stop when the other protested, didn’t stop when he slipped on the stairs, didn’t stop for the traffic signals or the angry ahjussis pushing carts. He ran like there was no tomorrow, like there was a monster coming to swallow him whole if he didn’t get far away soon enough. He raced and wound through the streets, arriving at his parents’ home out of breath and maybe even a little out of his mind.

When his father let him in and asked him what he was doing back so soon, he pushed his way through and locked himself in his room. Sitting with his back to the door, hearing his chest pound in his head, feeling his breath rasp at the ends, he ignored his mother’s concerned knocking and stayed hidden.

------

The curriculum changed every few years, but when Taemin was a child schools would spend a few minutes every week instructing their students about soulmates. Some found each other as babies, their teacher had explained. Some didn’t meet until they were well into their seventies. Some had soulmates across the border while others were destined for someone on the other side of the world. It was a convoluted system that governments often debated on and countries frequently clashed over. But it always found someone for someone else--that was the guarantee people usually lived with. In this massive world filled with people and problems and prejudice, no one was ever alone.

Growing up, Taemin was used to constantly seeing people around him head to a Soulmate Depot hand in hand with strangers, or suddenly announce wedding dates. It was common for friends to stop seeing old friends, for families to be halved, for people to move across the country or even for children to be sent off to someone else’s home when their timers ran out. In the army too, he’d often hear snatches of gossip when a fellow private abruptly disappeared overnight or had to be reassigned public service positions closer to civilian sectors. Countrywide, the Ministry of Emotional Health monitored its citizens’ timers, their connections, and--it claimed--all their unique situations. Everything was controlled with an iron fist, ensuring citizens’ basic rights weren’t violated and any separations were managed quietly, without fuss or media attention. And Taemin... he’d been conditioned, over the years, to accept it all as a natural course of life. A mundane theme from his everyday. Everyone must have a soulmate, everyone must register, and everyone must try to make it work.

It was only when his best friend moved to another country and his brother brought home a bride overnight that he understood the weight, the implication of it all. 

Meeting a soulmate in this sterile system, an act celebrated in media and spoken of avidly on morning talk shows--Taemin had come to expect it. What he hadn’t expected was how different the experience would be from his calculations. He’d always thought he would meet a city girl, like his hyung. That they would go on dates for a few months before marrying and settling down, living together, working together, spending the rest of their lives together like all the advertisements on TV. He’d resigned himself to something like that.

Someone like Jonghyun was not in his plans at all.

------

Over the next few days, they lived as they always had until the pain returned with a vengeance. Jonghyun tried to give the other space, tried to leave him alone. Remembering how Taemin had scampered away, he tried not to be too eager or pushy, that would only scare the guy into staying away. But the pain left him feeling as empty as his large apartment. He lay in bed sad and alone one evening, eyes on his phone, hoping for a call or a text. Anything. 

In his place, Taemin distracted himself once more with games and food and drinks. He stayed in his room, watched old anime shows he’d already watched years ago, turned a blind eye to the pulsing in his rib cage. Maybe if I stay in once place the feeling will go away, he convinced himself while his health worsened. Yeah, maybe if I do other shit I won’t think about it anymore. He told himself to forget the way Jonghyun’s hands had held him, the way his breath had been warm and his tongue quick. He told himself to forget all of that--but the more he tried, the more space the memory took up in his mind.

He tried whatever he could to not think about the way his stomach turned every time his phone screen lit up with a message and it wasn’t Jonghyun. Eventually, he buried the thing under the mattress, out of sight. He pressed his hands to his ears when his mother asked him why he wasn’t going back, why he was making himself suffer. He yelled and threw a tantrum when his father reprimanded him with a “if you’re not going back, at least look for a job!” 

Everything was agonizing. Everyone was an enemy. Finding himself a few blankets, he built a cocoon for his weakened body like it would protect him from the rest of the world. But when his breath shortened and his head began to split, his family couldn’t ignore him anymore.

It was finally Taesun and his annoyance that pulled him out of a pile on the floor and dragged him to their car. “You’re worrying everyone,” he scolded. “We can’t have you sitting at home acting like this. It’s making us feel on edge all the time!” He found Taemin’s phone, fought his brother away to look through the contacts and made a call. 

Jonghyun pounced when he saw the number. “Taemin?! Is that you?! Where are you? Do you need me to come get you again--?!”

“Jonghyun ssi,” Taesun stopped him with a chuckle. “This is his brother.”

“Wh-why are you… is he OK? What happened?!”

“He’s with me. I’m bringing him over. He’s uhh--” he looked over at Taemin twitching in the passenger seat. “Look, I apologize for such short notice. Would it be OK if I leave him with you? It only has to be for a few days. You know. Until you two… get used to all this?”

Jonghyun blinked. “Uhh… s-sure? If he’s OK with it?”

“Well, he’s an idiot so,” Taesun laughed a little as he drove them through the narrow streets. 

“He’s my idiot now,” Jonghyun murmured, getting out of bed with a groan, taking the support of walls and furniture to maneuver through the apartment. 

Taesun smiled at that. “You seem like a good person. I’m not worried anymore. We’ll be there shortly,” he advised. “If you’re going through what he’s going through, please be safe until we get there.”

By the time Jonghyun made it downstairs and negotiated the lobby to arrive at the glass doors leading out, he was a sweaty shivering mess.

Parking nearby, Taesun lugged his as-good-as-comatose brother along until he saw the man sitting outside his building. “He’s all yours,” he handed the kid over when they were within earshot. “Aigoo, this kid… stubborn like you won’t believe!”

Taemin, having spent the whole drive whimpering and scratching at his arms, reached out weakly when he saw Jonghyun, his consciousness slipping away under his pain. But as soon as he was pulled into the other’s arms, he gave a long moan of relief as he clutched desperately and tried to climb onto the man like a child.

“It’s OK,” Jonghyun hushed. “You’re here now, it’s going to be OK.” He noticed the bag. “Are those his things?”

“Ah… yeah, clothes and some other stuff,” Taesun handed it over. “Please. If you need anything at all, just give me a call. Take care of each other,” he waved a hand with concern, hesitant to leave. 

Jonghyun nodded and tried to wave back, walking them in and towards the elevator. He felt his strength returned little by little, felt his senses clear the longer he held Taemin in his arms. “You’re OK now,” he murmured. “You’re safe now, I’ve got you.”

Taemin shivered, burrowing into the other’s neck. “Yeah...” he managed, his mind still not entirely whole. When he heard the sound of an excited dog in the distance it only made him hold on tighter. 

Jonghyun, feeling the strain of carrying the other all the way in, finally sat him down on the sofa and crouched before him like he had only days ago. “Do you need anything?” he asked. “Anything at all? Food, water…?” But his questions fell on deaf ears. The exhaustion of their time apart and the comfort of their meeting had clearly taken a heavy toll on the other. His head lolled forward as he started to fall asleep. 

Taemin felt a pair of lips press against his forehead before his mind took him away.

When he awoke, he was alone, in a strange room on a strange sofa… no. Bed. He sat up in confusion. “What the…?” he began before a very adorable and very familiar doggy jumped onto him. 

“Oh! Roo!” he grinned, gathering her into his arms. “Hello~” he carried her out of the room, following the smell of food. “Hmm, looks like your appa’s cooking us something nice? Isn’t he? Isn’t he, you cute little baby? Isn’t--?”

Jonghyun turned to look at him with eyebrows raised. “You like sausages?” he asked.

Taemin blinked. “Will you cut them like octopuses?” he asked, leaning against something as his giddiness still came and went in waves. “Eomma always cuts them like that for me…”

“Are you twelve?” Jonghyun ridiculed, but did as he was requested. “Your hyung seems nice,” he commented as he worked. “Poor guy looked so stressed. You’re a real troublemaker in your house, aren’t you?”

“No…!” Taemin protested, letting Roo run off and making his way to the fridge. “I just. Have a strong personality, OK?”

“Let me guess,” Jonghyun chuckled, holding the bowl of rice and sausages out to the other. “That’s something your eomma says, isn’t it?”

There was no more exchanged between them. Taemin’s appetite kicked the door in hard. He finished his bowl, took seconds and even thirds. Then he washed it all down with a bottle of juice, found yogurt and cut fruit in the fridge. Jonghyun made the mistake of leaving him alone while he showered, and when he returned all the boiled eggs and baby carrots and cheese slices were gone.

“Can we order pizza?” Taemin asked, still sitting on the floor in front of an ajar and now sad-looking fridge.

“What the fuck?!” Jonghyun balked at his raided pantry. “You even ate all the side dishes my eomma sent last week!” 

“I… I was hungry!” Taemin defended.

“You ate what would’ve lasted me a month!” 

“I told you I was hungry! Why don’t you pay attention? Why don’t you listen when I’m talking Why don’t you--?!” Taemin’s stomach grumbled and he clutched at it. “Ugghh so hungry…” he whined.

Jonghyun held his head in his hands.

Some time later, with a slice of pizza in one hand and his phone in the other, Taemin lounged on the living room floor as he chuckled along to stupid memes online. He entertained himself like this for a while until he noticed his host fuming at him. 

“W-what?” he asked self-consciously. 

“Put your phone away,” Jonghyun ordered, an edge to his voice, his face only softening when Taemin did as he was told. “Now. We’re going to spend some quality time together. And we’re going to learn to live with each other.” He patted the space next to him on the sofa. “Come here. Let’s watch a movie together. Then we’ll go out. Someplace warm. Like a cafe, OK?” he offered.

Taemin nodded slowly. “O-OK.”

#jongtae #long fic #shinee