#i think for most of my life i've had inconsistent friendships so it's gotten lonely? closest friends r kinda drifting away as we grow older

[noxtivagus]

I HAVE WRITTEN SO MUCH IN MY NOTES IN THE PAST HOUR OH MY of today n then to-do dump n other stuff too 🫣

#🌙.rambles #i write my answers for asks in my notes like i'm writing my first draft for an essay 😭😭 tbf writing long stuff here on tumblr is like #writing letters to me. i love it so so much. i ended up ranting in my to-do list though cries. that said tho.... one thing i wrote here tha #i want to ramble about in tags. thinking abt college since some relatives asked earlier. since i'm aiming to head into top unis here yh #not gna have my close friends to be in school w which makes me a bit sad 🥹 but god i'd love to one day experience studying w friends #at houses or cafes or libraries. one thing i'm excited abt growing up is having more freedom in going out w people #also thinking abt how i love childhood friends to lovers so. i want my own in a way. but ion have ^ that r potential love interests tho so #friends i have in hs are what i'd next ideally like if it were possible. cries that would be my ideal type bcs i love the idea of #growing up together in these somewhat vulnerable stages i think. we're all learning so much n so young. but nah not gna happen most likely #wna reconnect w my old friends to keep contact n widen my circle. more friends. friend groups. i'm not the most social person esp irl but #i think for most of my life i've had inconsistent friendships so it's gotten lonely? closest friends r kinda drifting away as we grow older #n w everything in the present i think i'm afraid of being left behind. i wish i cld open up. be more honest and less hesitant w reaching ou #i know what i want n i'm just afraid to seek it out directly but. anxiety. i don't want to be a bother but i rlly crave #deep and authentic relationships. i'd really seek them out but maybe the inner child in me can't really let that guard down yet ? #deep down i think i'm afraid of being hurt again n left behind. forgotten. (don't leave me behind. please stay with me. tell me it's real) #there's so much i don't want to forget. so much i want to hold unto. so much i want to do. that keeps me going. i want to learn so much #listening to kingdom hearts right now is making me emotional.... now that i'm growing older i want to do so much more #was nearly crying while writing this in my notes because it hurts so much and i think i'm so so afraid #love... whether it be familial or platonic. one day romantic too. goddamn listening to don't think twice reminds me of my young dreamer sel #& love for life as a whole n myself too. i want to keep my childhood. i'll have what i can. do what i can. ffs life's too short so #i'll reach out more. even if i get anxious embarrassed shy / i need to actively challenge that. even if i'm afraid. face my fears #like goddamn i want to open up i want to be honest. i'm not embarrassed by my emotions bcs it's human. but i just can't #i'll do it all. i really will. life goes by far too fast and i don't want to lose all of this. so i need to be stronger. better #but simultaneously i just want to rest n idk be a kid again and stop thinking and worrying so much #adolescence.... holding unto my childhood while also making steps towards adulthood. n i'm so afraid but i know it'll be alright #so long as i trust myself ? i know a lot of pain. i'm certain that i'm capable. but. ffs. tears in my eyes. (i'm afraid. i'm so afraid aren #sorry for the rant i just realized again n. yk i'm human n that's something i need to be constantly reminded of #spending time with people and indulging in my passions give me life but. the former is so fleeting n i'm afraid of being left alone #the latter is so hard when time's going far too fast and it feels like i can't keep up with it all #'don't think twice' : 'if you want to make it happen/ nothing's impossible / all you gotta do is say the word/ the walls will crumble'

[lacependragon]

The newest episode of the Tokyo Mew Mew reboot is the single worst and most poorly written episode of an anime I've seen in like two years.

It's inconsistent. Paced badly. The dialogue is terrible. And the theme is completely inconsistent. The girls actively go backwards. And Zakuro's goal?? Her desires??? Outside of "gotta go better" are gone. Like when Mint starts doing her monologue, it should have been about how they kept mistreating Zakuro and acting like she was a goddess, not about we gotta grind. Like why did Zakuro change sides because Mint joined the grind?

Why did she care?

Why did Mint's intense stare matter?

We don't know. We know only two things about Zakuro - she wants to surpass herself, and she's kind of an asshole. Yet we had hints that she's lonely and hates being idolized! So why was that ball completely dropped?

Mint's speech should have been about that. About noticing how Zakuro reacts to how they treat her. But nope.

It's about grind culture.

So now this is two members of the Mews who have gotten their entire team beat the FUCK UP and maybe close to dying because they won't stop being arrogant little prises who think the world revolves around them.

And that's fine! That's part of life and being a teenager!

WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY BEING REWARDED FOR IT THOUGH.

THIS IS A SHOUJO. FOR PRETEENS.

SHOULDN'T IT SAY THAT BEING AN ASSHOLE TO YOUR FRIENDS IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE FOR.

INSTEAD OF COMPLETELY SKIPPING OVER IT.

And if not, the tone of the show says that friendship matters. And owning up to your mistakes is part of friendship.

so why don't they?

And why is it that whenever the show wants to be dramatic they have people say names, and "I [verb]" and nothing else.

I'm so fucking annoyed. Zakuro's got a brilliant character and now she's just. Rich famous girl trying to be a perfectionist. They completely skipped over how fucking lonely she is. What.

God.

Also Mint never apologized for being a complete ass to her friends and that's dumb. She's been selfish, lazy, mean, and she finally got called out for her and her response was I'm gonna become just like my idol, who insulted me, and not apologize to my friends.

WHY DIDNT SHE APOLOGIZE. WHY DIDNT SHE ACKNOWLEDGE SHES BEEN A DICK.

I KNOW THE ORIGINAL. I'm not bitching at a kid's show for being underwhelming and weak. Okay. I KNOW IT. I LOVE the original.

I'm bitching that I know for a fact they can do much, much better even in small spaces and on individual episodes. That they have all this source material.

And yet all the characters, this time around, are single, one note traits and "nice" and nothing else. With no. Fucking. Edges.

God.

#lace speaks