#i need to remember that theres a life outside of tumblr so I'm stepping back from it

[mattynmarns]

hey so

#ive taken some time to reflect on everything and I'm still going to be dream posting #less than usual but i think im going to be posting everything less than usual #ive talked with trusted irl people and ive reflected on people/celebrities that i continue to support who have done the same or worse thing #and ive come to the conclusion that based on what we've seen of dream's character and what his irl friends say of his character #that a) theres no way he'd do something like this again and b) we've actually seen no real proof of anything #but yeah im trying to step back from sm in general #because ive realized the conclusions i made prev about this situation wouldn't be what I would've made without the influence of The Dash #i need to remember that theres a life outside of tumblr so I'm stepping back from it #not stepping away but ill stay logged out and i already don't have the app #so now ill only check it occasionally like once a day maybe rather than have it be my social crutch #personally i cant condemn someone without any evidence and there wasn't anything i found unforgivable or criminal about the SHOWN messages #however if other evidence comes out ill stand back and reevaluate #but yeah if you want to unfollow block or whatever i understand #ill still be posting dream but he's going to be tagged #but i think this situation has been drawn out of proportion for all we know right now (ex. the words that have been used) #and i think ultimately dream has done more proven good than proven harm and that's a factor for me personally #and i also want to add that the anti-men posting that I've seen lately fucking sucks. like that's terf rhetoric #and as a trans man i dont think that's very epic 🥴 #and i want to add that if you are choosing not to support him that that's cool with me like i honestly dgaf #butttttt i come here to relax from my real adult life that already stresses me out #so im only going to follow people that don't stress me out #so yeah #just wanted to update yall on where i stand #im finally becoming a normie 😔😭 #tumblr has been an addiction so im finally cutting myself off o7

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

i think im aroace. i fit some of the criteria and generally i just have a very complicated and lengthy relationship with romance. im usually romance favorable except when im not. sometimes i feel like i cant be arospec because im not the same as my friends who are also aro. its somewhat disheartening because ive spent so much of my life wanting romance and wanting relationships and wanting to experience dating culture and i thought id get to have it one day because im capable of liking people sometimes but i cant handle it when someone likes me back and i know it cant be commitment issues because i have absolutely no qualms committing to platonic friendships and moderately sized life decisions but theres just something in the way of me having a normal allo love experience and i know this identity is something i should be proud of and sometimes it is! i absolutely love looking through the tags on tumblr and i love that i have a unique way of experiencing feelings and this label really does make me so happy! but i cant help but yearn for a simpler existence. why cant it just be a case of liking a guy called daniel and then him liking me back and then we date and break up and then i go for a one-night stand with a girl called melissa and then we date and break up and date again and i meet her parents and i tell her i love her and then we grow old together. ive just always wanted something straight out of a tv show or book or whatever but the world just looks so much narrower now and it feels so much harder to find someone that it can work out with. i dont know. i hate amatonormativity. and sorry for the negative energy. i just kinda needed to get this off my chest. thank you for the safe space.

For being different than your aro friends, it's important to remember the aro spectrum is really diverse. There's a lot of different ways to be aro. So when trying to figure out if the label is right for you or not, I wouldn't factor that in too much, instead I'd focus more on things like is the label useful for you? Do you feel a connection to it? Does alloromantic feel wrong to you? Because being alloromantic encompasses so many things, there's so many ways to fall outside that mold. So remember this is your journey, keep asking yourself what makes sense for you.

It's OK to have negative feelings about possibly being aro, or about not being able to have that allo-normative romance you thought you would. This can be a big adjustment for some people, not everyone can just say 'oh I'm aromantic and I'm going to live a different life than I thought I did/not have a lot of experiences I thought I would' and not be affected by that (some people do have different experiences, but it's really not unreasonable to have to work at dealing with that.)

Sometimes you need to mourn the life and experiences you thought you'd have. Sometimes it takes a little while to reframe your goals and expectations in life. Sometimes I like to say being aro often means forging your own path rather than following the one laid out for you, that can be really exciting learning about yourself and figuring out what you do excited by and want to do, but it's scary too. And it's OK to have all these feelings.

I think what you're doing right now though going through tumblr tags and finding a side of aro that you enjoy is really great and really good first step. Finding some blogs you like or some aro-centric media may help too (look into books and podcast lists, because that seems to be where the most aro characters are these days). This is always helpful, no matter where you land, because it just normalizes being aro, and makes it feel a lot less scary.

The other thing is just take your time. You're figuring out a lot of things right now, you don't have to rush anything. Things will get easier as you figure more out and you start to understand yourself better.

Feel free to send in another ask if you have more questions or want to talk more.

All the best!