#i mostly want to bash my face in a wall but like trying to kms. i don't wanna face the long term consequences of that

[daz4i]

man. i am SO embarrassed by my own existence. ashamed of every aspect of myself. everything i have ever done has been shameful in one way or another and i wish i could erase it

#and yet the need for attention persists so here i am. posting and embarrassing myself even further #i ate and i took a shower and i still feel this awful and i don't have clonazepam on hand so there's nothing left i can do to help myself. #i don't even wanna sh. I'm not in the mood for pain. which might be an even worse sign lol #i mostly want to bash my face in a wall but like trying to kms. i don't wanna face the long term consequences of that #i know it's nothing new but i really have no hope at all. even if a better life is possible it's still not good enough to be worth it #at this point the only way to help me is permanently altering my brain somehow but well. i don't think that's an option in the 21st century #i want to die. i want to have never existed at all. i want to be unconscious forever. i dunno. i just hate this so much. #vent #if anyone has any distraction ideas or help i can do from bed I'd love that. bc i do need to feel well enough to sleep soon :/