#i literally can't swallow my own saliva it's so annoying i have a makeshift spit bucket on the bedside and it's so disgusting

[inspector-montoya-fox]

i’m currently sick in bed with what seems to be tonsillitis, so i went through my drafts and i’m not really satisfied with what i have in there so i thought i’d make like a franken-post where i just run a few things by you if you want.

firstly, i was going to rank the TiT bossfights for shits n’ gigs but then got way too frustrated writing that because all of them are equally bad except the El Jefe one. i think they really put their best effort into that and it shows. it’s a really good bossfight with several stages, there’s platforming involved and no over-usage of the costume. it gets progressively more difficult and the dialogue is pretty decent. so props to S*nzaru for not delivering 100% steaming pile of horseshit. i was also going to include the Carmelita vs Moat Monster bossfight into that list because, although it’s not as good as the El Jefe one, it showed a lot of potential for Carmelita gameplay. making her a playable main was a bad decision because i think she’s overpowered, whereas SP reserved her gameplay for tougher moments because of that very reason. but i remember having fun playing that.

i’m pretty sure you already know how i feel about the rest and i won’t get into it because it’ll cause an aneurysm. to this day, i still don’t know why Toothpick can enlarge. fat-shaming, racism and fart jokes galore, no narrative drive to back up any of the fights (especially the Black Knight one). redundant and boring. and... Le Paradox quick time event... trash.

next, i was going to go on a rant about Athena’s role in Storyteller, but i’ve already discussed this 4982043910 times both on here and the podcast. i’m just appalled by the fact that her defendant mistreats her in such a horrible way and she’s then presented to be so incompetent. the main point i wanted to make is what comes out of a comparison between Athena and Apollo. to quote the draft itself: Phoenix doesn’t like Apollo, especially in AJ, but even so, he trusts him enough to have him be the pawn in his plan. sure, Phoenix takes over for Kristoph once shit hits the fan but after that he leaves the rest up to Apollo and it’s like... why would you rely so heavily on a person you dislike with the risk of him jeopardizing your entire plan (from Trump to Succession), but then have a supposed prodigy flown over from Europe just to patronize her and her capabilities and infantilize her?

i mean... i hate to be the truth-teller on this one but ??? the image the entire cast has of Athena is so annoying. it’s subtly incorporated into DD because she handles none of the cases on her own, but in Storyteller she is full-on disrespected to her face and Blackquill is like ‘call Phoenix or Apollo’. sir. please leave.

then, i had two very random posts but never got around to actually writing them. the first one was about Infamous: Second Son of all things. basically it was about how SP fucked up when they made the enemies non-respawnable. i mean cleaning up Seattle was nice and all but if you give your protagonist the concrete power and the only source for it are the DUP soldiers, how are you supposed to get it again when you finish the game ?? i haven’t played the game in like 8 years but this is something so illogical that it stuck with me throughout the years and i often think about it.

the second random one was me attempting to rank the Toby Fox games and then failing miserably so that post turned into like a mini rant of how you can’t really count Deltarune 1 and 2 as a collective entry because of how different they are in tone and length, but you also can’t rank them separately because Deltarune 1 will by far be the inferior one. i feel like the following entries will match chapter 2 instead of 1, but they have to be ranked separately and you can’t pit them against Undertale. i think. because on the one hand, Undertale is so rich in lore, the characters are some of the best in videogame history, it was truly revolutionary, but Deltarune 2 holds a special place in my heart. the Queen is my favourite character in the entire Toby-verse and in general one of my fav characters in videogames, like i don’t understand how she’s still so underappreciated.

so yeah, that’s like the sum of my drafts’ spring cleaning. i’m relieved i pumped these out in one way or another because they’ve been gathering dust for the longest time. let me know what you think

#sly cooper #ace attorney #undertale #deltarune #infamous #ALL the tags. she's using all of them. #i literally can't swallow my own saliva it's so annoying i have a makeshift spit bucket on the bedside and it's so disgusting #i sent that screenshot of Storyteller to Lucie to annoy her and it worked immediately #i mean i can see why. he's the worst i hate him #Bucky Whet Ass Pussy