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levi-dayne · 2 months

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hey im a 17yo she/her n i kinda feel like i maybe autistic but im not sure, can u give a few telltale signs which may help? (ik a diagnosis from a professional is better but it isnt exactly an option for me rn)

hey!!

so first and foremost, autism presents differently for everybody. connecting with other autistic people can be very helpful, but you don't have access to a professional diagnosis then i would also recommend doing your own research with medical articles, the dsm, etc. and try to avoid getting information off of places such as tiktok and instagram. i'm drawing a lot from my own experiences here because that's what i know, but i just think it's important to note that my experiences are not going to be the exact same as another autistic person you may talk to about this, nor will that person's experience be the exact same as the next one.

so for me, the biggest tell-tale sign was a lack of social awareness. as a kid, i had a hard time connecting to my peers in a way that they deemed fit. i would often speak too loudly, be disruptive, and say whatever was on my mind without realizing if it was oversharing or upsetting to people. however, this can also manifest as being too shy, not speaking enough, etc. unfortunately, your peers will often pick out from a young age that there is something different about you. on a similar note, i also have a very hard time carrying conversations with other people. if i have to, still to this day, i tend to overshare or talk about things that are not socially acceptable (a big recent topic has been cannibalism). that or i'll just go quiet, i tend to not say anything if i don't see anything that i feel needs to be said unless i am extremely desperate for human connection (which, contrary to stereotypes, can happen and often does for me. i just have a hard time relaying it). i also tend to share experiences about my own life when people are talking as a way to relate to them, which is not inherently an autistic trait, but it is very common for autistic people to do.

a more well-known sign of autism is a lack of eye contact, but it can also manifest as any other form of inappropriate eye contact ratio such as too much eye contact or focusing so much on maintaining an eye contact to looking away ratio that you can't focus on what's being said.

sensory issues are also very common. for me personally this manifests in scratchy fabrics, loud noises, wet or sharp noises, and food. however, autism can also encompass a reduced sensation of pain or temperature. those things are also not mutually exclusive, i have a reduced sensation of temperature and also severe sensory issues.

many autistic people have an aversion to physical touch, but that's not always the case.

stimming is another one, a common known stim is hand flapping, but any repetitive self-soothing movement or sound can be a stim. pulling examples from my own experiences, i often tap my wrists together, rock back and forth, twirl my hair, tap my arm, tap my wrists to my legs, laryngeal whistling, etc.

a low social battery is another thing, if you seem to get worn out in social situations before your peers do, etc. i know i can typically only be around most people irl for two hours at a time before i start getting overwhelmed. for me personally when i get overwhelmed it's an instant switch. i stop masking, my voice drops an octave, i can't look up at people, i stim more, it causes my entire body to feel exhausted and sometimes takes days to recover from.

not every autistic person experiences this, but i have speech loss episodes when i get too overwhelmed. which is pretty much that i can't speak no matter how hard i try to. sometimes i can write/text instead, sometimes i can't even form what i want to say in my head enough to do that. it depends on the situation.

having a hard time switching between tasks can also be a sign of autism, as a kid i would often need buffer time between going from reading to math, etc.

another thing can be fixated interests, not to say that anyone with intense interests is autistic but for me i have always formed almost parasocial?? attachments to fictional characters and would need to have the character involved in absolutely everything that i did in order to do it. a common misconception is that a special interest has to be something like science or trains, but it can be literally anything as long as it takes up an abnormal portion of your life. personally, my fixations can last several months to several years and can frequently negatively impact my life and make me late to events/work/class, make me lose friends from talking about it too much, etc.

obviously this is not an extensive list of autistic traits or my own experiences with autism, and i would definitely recommend further research. and even if you're not able to pursue a diagnosis at this time, if you're able to talk to a doctor during an appointment to see if they think you exhibit any signs or to get more insight as to what it may look like then you should consider doing so.

if you have any questions or want to talk about specifically why you think you might have autism, feel free to send me a dm :)

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ifievertoldyou · 1 year

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the long awaited wip graveyard post

i thought the title was fitting for halloween :p

this post is an assorted collection of all my old thaw wips that i deemed not good enough to post, but didn't want to just rot away in my folder, so now they're here.

enjoy !

the Eye post

fun fact: i used the same seven colored pencils for both the thes eye and the tommy one, i just made the grayer shades more emphasized for the latter. thought that was a neat little detail.

q's eye here makes his skin look a lil more purple

i impulsively gave quackity an eyebrow when i didn't sketch it before, and the way it turned out bothered me >:((

not a wip because i absolutely would never give this abomination its own post, but this is basically what my scratch paper sheet looks like when i want to test out how different colors look with each other, and also get a really, Really rough idea of what the final product will look like. this is the process i go through Every time i draw something serious. 😭

peep all 7 colors of the chaosduo's eyes under the thes eye practice

LMAO AND THE THES FACE 8 SECOND SKETCH LOOKS LIKE HE'S ON DRUGS IT'S SO SILLY

can you see me struggling to figure out how to wrap the rune around q's pupil? and also how to make the rune not just Completely disappear bc of how dark his eye is? yeah. traditional art is a pain is the ass sometimes, but i'm still wayy better at it.

also shoutout to @alexanderwesker for giving me an idea of what the rune on q's eye looks like, because i like being as accurate as i can when i draw stuff, so that was very much appreciated!

the part 2 to the hero's journey comic

i went fucking Ham during the hero's journey assignment, so much so that i literally planned like 19 more panels than what you saw in the original post (27 panels planned in total). but then i realized that i had like Four Whole Days to do that assignment, and would definitely not be able to do that many, especially not without burning out.

so i instead settled for the very first 8 panels that i planned (though even then, i had to abridge a lot of it, and also cut slime entirely from it, bc otherwise those 8 would have been 14 whole panels, and i think i would actually die-), since that was just enough to show two different steps of the hero's journey (crossing the threshold and meeting the mentor btw. i could probably do a whole analysis on how wesker's stories fit into the hero's journey if i wanted to, but i'm lazy rn and this post is already pretty long), and that was the big grading requirement. (i got 100% on that assignment btw 💪and my english teacher still has no clue that he graded minecraft fanfiction fanart LMAO) but this one is what i would have included if i had more time on the project, and could include more of the story, but as it stands, i made this one in my own leisure, because comics are fun to do.

anyways, with that little rant aside, i tried my best to make q look younger than quackity, and really accentuate the difference between them. idk how i feel about how q turned out though.

i'm really proud of the paneling, and i'm also kinda proud of the first frame with quackity's face in particular bc i thought it looked cool, like an actual comic book or something. but i couldn't figure out the card physics or perspective and that's what ultimately made me choose to abandon it 💔 maybe i'll try attempting this page again when i'm feeling more daring (as well as the other panels that i still haven't even drawn yet), but this wip has been collecting dust for a couple of months now so i figured i'd share it here anyway.

Palido

i drew palido a bit ago, but bro got somehow managed to get crinkled in my bag, even while literally being Inside of my sketchbook 🤨

it's not Too awfully noticeable though, especially bc the fold isn't On the drawing itself, so i might be able to salvage him and post a finished version someday... but i kinda halted progress on him for the time being bc of it, so here he is. </3

"Am I Still Even Me?"

i 1000% want to redraw this someday, just because i think the idea behind it is so fucking neat.

honestly, this one wasn't too bad at all, especially since i did all of it (besides the bones bc i think my health professions teacher would be disappointed if i got them wrong, and also the rune bc i care way too much about accuracy) without any reference, which is a pretty impressive feat for me and my aphantasia. but yeahh i think it could definitely be better, and really, this drawing was ultimately something that i just drew in class to keep myself busy for a bit bc i had way too much freetime that day. it wasn't intended to be post-worthy or anything.

but i think that the idea behind it is definitely post-worthy. maybe i'll even add a thes and/or youngerbur addition once i get more information about them and just how they've changed yk.

i had no clue how to draw the bones in that position, i probably could've done more research but. yeah no i don't have an excuse, i just couldn't be bothered that day lmao.

i was also gonna bloody q's hands a bit if i ever got to the coloring stage. like a little nod to when he lost himself to Madness. is the blood actually there? who knows, we're seeing it from his eyes, so for all we know, the rune isn't even lit up either, and he's just remembering it being so. remembering the moment he acted so unlike how he used to be.

the bones are definitely there for charlie though, poor guy...

also can y'all tell that i drew the rune in like. 5 seconds. bc yeah.

i had way more wips to share but i have literally no clue where they went, and also the tumblr picture limit is getitng close so ig that's all for now </3

like for a part 2 (whenever i accumulate enough wips to warrant a post, that is)

#i reserve the right to resurrect these wips at any time #so don't be surprised if one day you see a finished/redrawn version of any of these #thaw #the house always wins #fanart for a fanfic #my art #thaw fanart #wips #the house always wins fic #thaw!charlie #thaw!quackity #thaw!q #traditional art

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itoshit · 3 years

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Opening the door, I was met with Vee, laying on the bed. None of us talked, and as I noticed tears running down her face, I couldn't prevent the tight smile from showing up.

Hey Venus

I knew what I was doing. I knew Vee would be mad, but I also knew that I hadn't have any choice.

Your hair... you did it for me?

Yes I did

No I didn't. I just thought that I would be able to attract more chicks that way

You're funny Manji'

She cracked a smile at my reply, but I didn't reflect her expression.

Manjiro will do yeah? Look Venus.

Approaching her and sitting by her side, I turned to her, resuming my talk.

It was dumb of me. Everything really. I think... how could I put it. You're a nice girl, but I don't think you're a good match for me. I need my woman to be more courageous and less of a crybaby you know? So yeah, it was fun while it lasted, but I kinda grew tired of you. Not to be mean though, it happens every day. I don't want to waist more time on you, so as soon as you're healed, you can start your life again alright? Koko could help you with money, we'll buy you a new apartment.

Vee didn't seem to listen anymore, her eyes were on me, but she didn't look as if she was believing me.

You're lying

Guess I will have to be more convincing them. Passing a hand through my hair, I grinned at her.

Look Venus, the sex was good, but you're getting too attached. You even said to Kakucho that you liked me! Really? Baby I was keeping you around because I pitied you. To be honest, I wanna fuck other girls now.

I needed to hurt her. To make her let go of me.

Senju wanted to see me tonight so... yeah.

Vee started being more aggressive with me, explaining it by the request that I had for her to be mine and me to be hers. I knew all that, and of course I wanted us to be together. But it wouldn't work. Not with an angel like her.

Look Venus, don't be a bore yeah? Don't act like we were together or anything. I don't like you, I stayed because your pussy was good. End of the story! I need to get ready for my little date, so I'm gonna go now. So huh... have some rest yeah?

Patting her uninjured leg, I didn't wait for her to answer and I winked at her, exiting the room.

As the door was closing, I closed my eyes, breathing deeply.

I was used to all that, but this time, I would make sure that the person I held close to my heart would stay alive, regardless of my feelings.

Sacrificing my happiness didn't look that bad if that meant for Vee to stay alive. Would I be able to see her with someone else? No. Did I even have a say in the matter? No.

-Mikey

I- I feel so bad rn??😭😭

And I hope you ate after !

OHHH OKAY MICHAEL!

I don’t like you. I pitied you. I don’t want to waste anymore time on you.

I knew he was lying. I knew every word he said to me was nothing more than fabricated bullshit he probably came up with on the drive here. There wasn’t any way somebody could fake the things we said to each other, the things we did. I knew that. So why was there a small part of me that was hurt? Who was contemplating the possibility that they were true. Of course it wasn’t… right?

I waited in that bed, saving my forgiveness for when he’d burst through the door five minutes later groveling at my feet, begging for mercy. I waited, despite the tears on my face that somehow knew he wasn’t. I waited and waited and waited. He never showed. That’s when I sobbed, big, heaving, blubbering ones. I sat there crying for what felt like forever, until I couldn’t even produce tears anymore. And then I got angry.

Pressing my nurse’s button, I ripped the IV out of my wrist and the other machines checking my vitals, watching blood trickle all along the sheets. I didn’t care about it. I couldn’t stay another second in this fucking place. If Mikey wanted nothing to do with me after I healed, then I’ll do him something better. The nurse ran in panicked, eyes wide. I watched her gape at the sheets, at the flatlining monitors and then at me. I didn’t even give her time to speak. I had already begun to stand.

I need to get out of here, I told her, lifting myself up from the bed.

She charged at me, trying to push my shoulders back down but I wouldn’t budge. What are you doing? Your wounds haven’t healed yet!

I repeated myself, but she was still panicking, going off about something I refused to care about. Irritated, I take the collar of her scrubs and yank, bringing her close to me. Listen to me, I need to get the fuck out of this building and if you don’t help me, I’m going to find a fire escape and do it that way. Or maybe I’ll jump out of the window, break my fucking neck. Can you live with knowing somebody died on your watch because you wouldn’t help them? Would you be able to stomach it?

The words coming out of my mouth were unrecognizable to me. I got petty with my friends and said shit I didn’t mean, but this was cruel and excessive. I guess this what Mikey was turning me into.

I let her go only after she nods her agreement, looking ready to burst into tears by the second. First, I’ll need a disguise. No matter what Mikey had just told me, I knew he wouldn’t let me out of his sight if he caught me doing this. And being trapped around Mikey was not going to fly. Fuck no. Where’s the clothes you came in wearing?

I-In my bag in our locker rooms, she stammered.

Bring them. I need to change.

She went out of the room and came back, bag in trembling hand. I dressed quickly and keeping my head down, I allowed her to sneak me straight out of the building and around the back where her car was parked. Then I asked her to drive me somewhere.

What? I can’t d—

Why not? I asked without caring to consider her feelings. The poor woman probably didn’t get paid enough for this. Is there anybody else Bonten gives a fuck about that requires you giving them medical attention?

N-no.

Good. I grinned. That means you’re off for the day. Now drive. You don’t have to worry about Mikey, this is what he wanted. A half truth considering he certainly wouldn’t have wanted me to be out of his life this quickly, but I skipped a few steps for my sanity and his life. If I had to be in his vicinity I probably would have killed him.

We got in the car and sped off, me giving her directions as soon as she started driving. I watched the building grow smaller and smaller in the rearview, doing my best to ignore the thudding in my heart. The pain. The stress of everything I had been through on top of this bullshit. My thigh throbbed dully in reminder beneath the bandage. Eventually, we arrived at the destination of my choice, and I was sure to thank her for everything she did. I couldn’t give her anything but gratitude. I didn’t have any money. My phone was still in that torture room where I left it, and all the shit Mikey bought me most likely didn’t survive in that collision that got me kidnapped in the first place. I was grateful for that last one. I needed no reminders of him.

I quickly hopped out of the car, hobbling toward the door of the place I had requested to go. The nurse, who’s name I realized I never asked for, pulled out of the yard before I even entered the door. Couldn’t say I blamed her. I pressed the ringer on the door, pushing on it when it buzzed open. Immediately the stench of animal hit me full force. The sound of dogs barking and cats meowing brought a smile to my face.

Then I heard him. Who’s at the d- His words got caught in his throat, most likely at the sight of me.

Hey, Dee. I had cried all my tears out for the day in that bed. I could only express my emotions in humor. The boss hasn’t fired me yet, right?

Then I started to fall, but he caught me just in time, sobbing my name into my neck. I hugged him back tightly, heart bursting for an entirely different reason now. I was safe. I was home.

Six months came and went in a blur. I spent most of it being interrogated by police and interviewers alike. I kept my stories the same. I didn’t know my kidnappers. I never saw their faces. I never knew why I was kidnapped. Despite the fact that I could draw a detailed picture of Mikey’s face in my sleep, I didn’t sell out Bonten. I had gotten into the last predicament by them thinking I was an enemy, I didn’t want to prove that I actually was one. And besides, I wanted nothing to do with him or atleast that was the story I was feeding myself.

I never saw Natalie again. I didn’t know what Mikey did with her, and I didn’t have it in me to care. My conversations with Angel and Tati stopped a bit after they realized that too. I was glad. I was starting to grow tired of pretending I missed the traitor, and they were tired of pretending like they didn’t resent me for being the one who made it out.

Darren and I were practically inseparable. He had become my right hand, driving me around to physical therapy, helping me assimilate back into society, and still managed to keep the last bit of normalcy I had before I left during work, cracking jokes as if nothing happened. From the outside looking in, it almost was as if nothing did happen, but you had to look closer. I couldn’t sleep at night. Nightmares plagued my dreams every waking day, either of Koda, Mikey’s men who had groped me, or Mikey himself. The only time I managed to sleep was on my lunch breaks, much to Darren’s dismay. But other than that? I was okay, doing what I loved again and surrounded by genuine people.

Now Darren was convinced that what I was missing was a social life. Just come out with me, Vee. It’s just drinks at a bar with a few of my friends. We’ll even leave before 11pm.

Because your bedtime is 10, I teased, laughing when he nudged me.

I’m serious, he whined. It won’t be awkward I promise they already know- He cut himself off.

Perhaps that was the most awkward part of all of this. Everybody knew me now as the girl who survived her ‘kidnapper’. Imagine what they’d think if I told them that technically he wasn’t my kidnapper. They’d probably faint if they found out I fucked him too.

It’s okay, Dee. I was all over the news. They’re bound to know.

Still, they’re not assholes. They won’t treat you any differently. I promise. And if you’re still uncomfortable we could leave and I’ll never bother you about this again for the rest of my life. Pretty please?

I mentally groaned. Darren could get annoying when he was pleading, and it wasn’t like I had anything else to do. My routine consisted of home, work, school, occasional grocery store, gym and repeat. Nothing else exciting.

Fine, I relented, trying not to smile at his loud whoops. But I’m leaving at 10 alright?

Alright, he cheered, hugging me. Let me text the guys right now! This is going to be awesome! You won’t regret this , Vee.

I sure hoped so.

#yeah FUCK mikey #he thought i was just gonna stick around? fuck him!#and i finally ate :P don’t worry #SORRY THIS IS SO LONG MOD I TIMESKIPPED THE BITCH #🗝; citizen #🗝; mikey #🗝; chronicles of vee: vol. 1

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jimlingss · 6 years

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Oh, my god. i was gonna wait till i was done reading but i have to talk about this rn. As soon as i read the way jungkook realized that it was his mother's dish, i immediately burst into tears. It wasn't even a build up they just immediately started pouring when i had the realization, & they came on even stronger when y/n started singing happy birthday. Also this is the first time i'm reading your stuff on my laptop & wHAT IS THIS MUSIC omg this is beautiful it definitely added to the experience

It still gives me a lot of pride to think that my words written on paper can evoke such emotion in strangers that I don’t personally know to the point of tears. It’s probably one of the most proudest accomplishments I’ve ever done honestly and it makes me really happy that I have had the opportunity to write and share it on such a platform where others can appreciate what I’ve created. Thank you.

AND YESS you noticed the music! Typically I change my blog music to the fic I’m posting and most often than not, it’s the same playlist I used when I write. Every story and fic I write has a different playlist and I put a bit of effort into posting it on my blog so it always makes me happy when someone notices!

myjeansareonfire said:This chapter was beautiful, just… Beautiful. First of all i was kinda nice to read something where y/n is helping someone because she really wants to and she doesn’t feel totally burdened. It’s really pleasant. Also the way that she just barges in 😂 i can only imagine how embarrassed jungkook must’ve been to have a beautiful girl walk into his home amd just start cleaning (and there was clothes everywhere she must’ve picked up an underwear or 2 omg)

I’m glad you’ve noticed how the OC’s changed (*cough character development *cough). and haha from Jungkook’s pov it would be so utterly bizarre. If it were me, I might call the police.

myjeansareonfire said:I’m really happy that you offered us a lil closure for tae 😭 we didn’t even particularly need it, i don’t think, so thank you for including it 😭 it’s much appreciated :’) 💖

Of course. Just because members are no longer mentioned or they’re not focused on anymore, doesn’t mean their lives don’t continue. I think each member, especially in this story, are very important. Hence, I like to draw attention to them even when their portion is over.

myjeansareonfire said:Also there’s this metaphor you used, “It’s the fuzzy blanket that is wrapped around you, shielding you but then it is ripped away. It’s the touch and kiss of an infant that coos in your arms. But as you pull the baby closer, it dissipates into thin air.” IT’S SO GOOOOD. That is all i wanted to say about that lol.. 😂 i just read it and i was like YES 👏

:’) i could cry right now thank you.

myjeansareonfire said:And then!! That part when jungkook was crying and his mother was gonna reach out to him but remembers she couldn’t so she was gonna give him a tissue but she couldn’t do that either and she just softly sighs like she’s accepted it 😭😭 my HEART i know i mentioned that thing before about how painful it is to not be able to make physical contact with anyone but oh god, that pain must be /worlds/ worse for a mother 😭 ahh mi corazonnn

& omg she remembers like everything, & she said that when she died jk was right there. & when she was folloing him around she began to remember even more.. Does that mean that if hoseok spends time around someone he knew when he was alive, that he’ll start to remember?! & /who/ is it that he knew?? One of the members that hasn’t been introduced as a character yet? An OC? & how will that affect his relationship with y/n?? Ahh i want him to remember but i don’t want him to b separated from y/n😂😭

(Also i just had to throw in how adorable jungkook’s mom is, like when she was like “you know the last fimd someone held me likd this was my husband…” 😭❤) (and lastly how painful it was to read the way his mother waited for jk to get back so they could share cake and then thinking about the moment he realized what she was doing.. Ugh i won’t get more into it cuz it just hurts to think about it ;-; 💔 you are an amazing angst writer, a queen)

Another perfect chapter 👏 you’re the author that made me fall in love with angst 😂😭 can’t wait for ch 5 :’)

OOOH you’re right! We haven’t met Jin yet. Maybe we won’t. Maybe we will. Maybe he’s the missing piece to the puzzle. WHO KNOWS?! (muhahaha). And you’re right. Once Hoseok remembers, would there be anything tying him down to Earth…does that mean he’ll be taken away??? SO MANY QUESTIONS AND NO ANSWERS! *gasps

T_T I’ve never been called a queen but wow an angst queen is certainly a title. It’s a bit ironic considering when I read I somewhat avoid angst but when I write, it’s almost full on angst lolol thank you again for enjoying and leaving me such a full and detailed message. It makes me feel warm and I can go to bed with a smile on my face. thank you.

#myjeansareonfire #Jimlings

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