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zombiepuke · 5 months

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wlw cecilia pederson hc's

I haven't seen ANY Cecilia content and you know what. that is just homophobic. idc I love her so much and I can't stop thinking about her so here have some thoughts. leave it to me to love the character everyone despises

wlw gay stuff ahead // I try to keep her in-character but yknow I'm not perfect so - pls feel free to reblog/comment it truly means the world to me xoxo love you all!

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—Being with Cecilia is. Something. To say the least. She’s difficult to keep up with, even harder to be with. She’s mean, cold-hearted, and doesn’t really open up to you, ever. She doesn’t necessarily go out of her way to physically harm anyone, but she also doesn’t have much of an issue of morality when she needs to use violence. Whenever you find out about her scams, you’re undeniably angry, but she has you wrapped around her little finger so tightly, you don’t dare to even think of turning her in, or even worse - leaving her. So you take all of her bullshit in stride and try your hardest to stay on her good side.

—She’s manipulative as fuck. Obviously. But she has an extreme soft spot for you and you only. Any other person in on her scams are expendable, and she chooses to not give a fuck about them, but time and time again, she chooses to care about you. You’re not entirely sure how that makes you feel about yourself, but she’s so good to you, and she fucks you so sweetly, you find yourself also not giving a fuck about your situation, either - so long as she keeps fucking you and treating you the way she does.

—You lowkey hate yourself for how easily she has a hold on your life. She can tell you to do anything and you’re scrambling to get it done like a dumb little puppy, just for her. Your entire identity, your entire sense of self was gone in her presence. You would burn the world to make her happy, to keep her attention on you (you secretly wished she would feel the same about you, but you know you’re just as expendable as the rest).

—(You’re actually not expendable, to her. You’re the one most important thing to Cecilia in her life, but she would absolutely never, in a million years, make that fact known. She, too, would destroy the world for you.)

—She expects a lot from you. She sees you as her equal, her only real friend - and she expects you to act like it. You’re intelligent, level-headed - just like her, and she knows it (regardless of your intelligence, Cecilia is your main weakness - she makes you stupid for her). She absolutely will make you feel like garbage sometimes, if you fuck up or do something not up to her (high) standards, she’s livid. She’s not above slapping, hair grabbing, cussing at you - and you take it all, you’re in too deep with her to argue, and because you know you wouldn’t win against her, anyways. Plus, you figure you have it pretty decent, being on Cecilia’s good side - she definitely love bombs you and is overly sweet on you as a manipulative tactic (and, she genuinely likes you. Not that you know that.)

—She is possessive as HELL. She will make it well known you are hers and hers only.

—Cecilia spoils the fuck out of you. If she likes you, you would pretty much be set for life. I hate to say sugar mama buttttt, if there was anything you wanted or liked, you would get it (and you never question how she gets her hands on some things). She has money, and she likes to spend it, especially on you. She spoils you with extravagant gifts, jewelry, clothes, perfume (HC Cecilia has tons of high-end perfumes cause why not), and even dates - she loves to dote on you and show you off, show the world what she has (you’re her most valuable asset). Cecilia is surprisingly romantic, very elegant and pretentious, very hedonistic - her pleasure is of utmost importance, and your pleasure is her pleasure as well, so you enjoying yourself is something she takes very seriously. Yes, she’s a very cold person and she is not above bloody violence, but she is also very womanly, therefore, treats you very much so like a lady - so different than how she treats her victims or how she acts when she’s angry. She takes you to the fanciest restaurants, always buys the most expensive bottles of wine for you to share (HC she’s definitely a Cabernet girly!). She won’t stand for you to go wanting for anything.

—And she absolutely spoils you with orgasms, too. Cecilia likes to make you come. A lot. Too much, sometimes - your time in bed with her always ends with you hardly able to walk because your legs are like gelatin. Knowing she can make you scream, can make you come that hard that many times, it’s her favorite fucking thing in the world and she can never get enough. She’s really fucking talented at learning your body and what you like, what makes you tick - she maps you out, calculated, like she is with everything in her life. She knows exactly how to touch you to get you shaking, exactly how you like your cunt to be eaten, exactly how to slide her fingers just right to get you squirming - and she’ll keep doing it, over and over, until you can’t keep up with how many orgasms you’ve had.

—You absolutely have to ask (beg) Cecilia’s permission to come.

—The PRAISINGGGGGG AND DEGRADINGGGGGG with this woman is INSANE. She talks a LOT while she’s fucking you and man, she says some dirty shit. She definitely talks you through it constantly, sweet nothings in your ears while she’s sitting behind you, her chest pressed to your back and one of her hands in-between your legs, the other clasped across your chest, her lips planting kisses on your up-turned neck. She’s really good at balancing being incredibly mean to you and incredibly sweet, touching you gently but whispering some of the iciest words to you. Like sometimes she leaves you in tears she’s so mean to you. Look at you, filthy slut, gonna come on my fingers? Let’s see how many times that worthless cunt can come for me tonight, hm? You would be nothing without me, sweetheart, you need me to take care of you, just like that whorish cunt needs me to take care of her, too. Dumb bitch, making a mess all over me like the dirty harlot you are. Look at you, about to come already - I don’t think so, baby girl. You think you deserve to come? You think you deserve me? Think you deserve me fucking you? No one else will ever fuck you, except for me. No one else could ever fuck you like I do, baby. Say something smart to me again, whore, and I’ll never touch your pretty little pussy ever again. That’s all you want, right? Is for me to keep playing with that spoiled little cunt? Aw, the little slut is crying. What a rotten, stupid baby you are, pretty girl.

—In addition to how cruelly she speaks to you, sometimes she just straight up refuses to let you come for long periods of time. I’m talking hours, days, even, of no relief for you at all. She loves to see you defenseless, powerless, begging her to give you something. It’s either you don’t come at all, or she’s making you come so many times you can hardly see. Yknow a good mix.

—But her praises would be just as intense, when she was in the mood to treat you a little nicer. Being with her is a whirlwind, she 180’s like crazy. The pet names are endless, constantly calling you baby, baby girl, love, sweetheart, good girl, princess, etc. Sometimes it’s strange hearing such sweet names pour from her lips as she’s also saying the most cruel, vile things to you, but all you know is that you cling to everything she says, drink up every word she utters to you. Oh, my sweet girl. Look how precious you are, so desperate. Tell me how it feels, hm, darling? Is that good? You’re so pretty, grinding on my leg like that, honey. Just relax, baby girl, and let me take care of you, I know you need that, need someone to take care of you, I know you need me. Oh, tsk tsk tsk, I know it feels good, baby, let it all out, sweet thing, let me hear you. You sound so lovely moaning my name like that. You’re such a good girl for me, angel, you’re so good. God, you’re so beautiful, so perfect, so flawless, your cunt is so pretty, she’s all mine. You’re all mine, princess. Can you come for me again, baby girl? Come on, I know you can do it, come for me, come for me, elskling, just like that. Oh, I’m so proud of you, godjenta.

—She speaks half english, half Norwegian when she’s fucking you - usually when she’s praising you - a lot of the pet names she uses are in her native tongue. Hearing her speak to you in Norwegian sends you into another dimension.

—Cecilia typically prefers to keep her clothes on while you’re intimate. It’s just how she is, very hidden and secretive, not that she minds you knowing anything about her. It’s just what she’s comfortable with most of the time. You like it, though, there’s a sense of power she has while you’re completely naked and she’s fully clothed. You also love the way the expensive fabrics she wears feel against your skin when she’s on top of you, or holding you to her, or draped across your back.

—Thigh riding. With her clothes on. Her watching you smugly, trying so hard to get yourself off right there on her leg. Dirty worthless slut, trying so hard to come. Look at you. It’s a privilege to even use my leg. Just think about that.

—Speaking of that, it takes an incredibly long time for Cecilia to allow you to see her naked, or to even touch her. She is a control freak through and through, and she doesn’t like relinquishing that - but eventually, she trusts you enough, and lets you touch her, see her body beneath her clothes. She’s beautiful everywhere, not just in the face, and you’re really excited to be able to touch her, too, bring her as much pleasure as she brings you. It’s different, complicated for Cecilia to let you in in that way, but once she gives herself over to you for a change, she learns to adore it. You worship her the first time she lets you touch her, pressing your mouth to every piece of her body, amazed, in awe of just how gorgeous she was, how reactive she was to your touch. The first time you ever make her come, you feel like it was akin to seeing some sort of ancient god - seeing her, usually so ice cold and stoic and uncaring, arching her back and pulling at your hair and her pretty face flushed and scrunched up in ecstasy, her blonde hair spread across the pillow like an undeserving halo, the noises of desperation and your name coming from her lips in a whimper, the taste of her cunt behind your own lips. The sight could have made you come right then and there with her. She grabbed your chin and kissed you, hard, panting into your mouth, body visibly shaking. God, darling, you’re so fucking good at that—

And then, you’re just as addicted to pleasing her as she is to you.

—She babbles to you in both languages as she comes. Absolutely.

—Her favorite thing to do to you is go down on you. Something about it is just it for her. She likes having direct power over you, and over time she’s realized that her mouth can break you down like nothing else, having you making noises you’d never thought you’d make, sending you to places in the stars. Cecilia is one thing and that is determined, and that determination is very clear when she’s eating you out - she won’t stop for anything. She doesn’t care if you have already come three times - she’s staying right between your legs until she’s had her fill of you, not that you’re complaining. She’s honestly pretty sweet with it (as she is with lots of things involving you - the contrast between her career choices and how she treats other people and how she treats you, it gives you whiplash sometimes); she’s slow and steady, pressing tantalizing kisses all down your frontside, in the creases of where your pelvis meets your legs, up your center - landing right on top of your clit, tongue slowly dipping down into your cunt, the pace making you shove your face in your hands and wail your desperation into your palms. She murmurs soft praises and maybe some harsher degradation in between your thighs, in tune with the even softer movements of her mouth against you, looking up at you through blonde lashes all the while, gauging your reactions to everything she does. She compliments and praises everything about you. Oh, my pretty girl, such a precious little pussy, hm? I know you need it, sweetheart, be patient. I’ll give you everything you need. Her hands would be busy, too, coming up to rest on your upper thighs, your hips, your lower stomach, nails scraping gentle patterns to your skin. She’s a tease with everything - she wants you desperate and dripping for her and she likes to hold your neediness for her over your head. But once she stops barely touching your skin and running her tongue across your lips, she’s latching onto your cunt like it’s air, not letting up til you’re crying and trying to thrash away from the intensity. And all positions are game for her - she especially likes to eat your pussy from the back while you’re on all fours, elbows to the ground and ass hiked up as far as you can arch, one of her hands wrapped around your thigh and the other pressing a thumb to your clit while her tongue is pressed into your cunt. Or she likes you to sit on her face cause she can grab onto your thighs and hold you down to her. She also likes to eat you out while you’re standing, pressed against the floor-to-ceiling glass panels in her home, her mouth nestled between your legs and her arms wrapped around your thigh as your knees shook from her circling your clit with her tongue.

—Her handssssss her hands are so pretty. Cecilia is super talented with her fingers and really enjoys holding you to her chest while she plays with your pussy, dipping her fingers down into your wetness to rub your clit with, yknow yknow the good shit. Or she knows exactly how to hit every damn spot inside of you to have you howling her name into the blankets.

—Scissoring? Hell yes. She’s all for it, and she doesn’t care if she’s on top or bottom. Sometimes she likes when you take control, swiveling your hips against hers, your arms wrapped around one of her legs to fit your bodies together, being able to see her lovely face react, eyes closing, brows furrowing, as you tilt down to get the friction just right. It felt like you were fucking her instead of the other way around (even though her iron grip on your hips told you she was absolutely still in control). Or, when she’s on top, and her hips thrust so perfectly in tune with your own, your sex gliding so wonderfully against hers, her arms reaching down to rest her hands on your chest for leverage - taking one and slipping it to lay against your lower stomach to press her thumb to your clit, just to give you that extra bolt to send you over the edge. Her hair flows and swirls over her shoulders, her head thrown back with her eyes closed, focusing on the feeling, the way her muscles and bones move with her, the heat of her body radiating onto you, it’s addicting. She’d lean forward and press her forehead to yours, eyes meeting your own, forcing you to look at her while she thrusts and fucks you into oblivion. It’s an almost sweet gesture, one of her hands coming up to hold your cheek and urge you to come for her.

—She’ll make you watch her fuck you in the mirror. Seeing her hand come up to wrap around your throat from behind while she’s railing you, her breath on your neck as she’s whispering dirty things into your ear, her eyes on yours in the reflection - you like seeing her face as she’s unraveling you.

—Definitely uses toys on you - she would absolutely hold a vibe to your clit til you literally feel like blacking out, or hold a wand to you while fucking you with a strap, or suck on your clit while fucking you with a toy, too.

—She’s rough a lot of the time, slapping you and throwing you around, pulling at your hair and forcing you down. But other times, she touches you like you’d break, slow and gentle and calm. You couldn’t ever say that she loved you but, maybe in her own sick, fucked up way, she did. Above all she enjoys being around you, she enjoys making you feel good and spoiling you, and she’s down for most anything.

—She does care for you - again, in her own fucked up way - and she doesn’t leave you hanging, especially after sex that was particularly rough or degrading. She will absolutely hold you close to her and let you come down from the intensity. She’s not completely heartless. She’ll rub your back, stroke your hair, kiss your forehead, get you water, have intimate, deep conversations for hours - all the sweet gooey shit. She really likes to run you baths and even join you in them (let’s be real we know this bitch has a huge bathtub). Long story short she’s not gonna say or do some fucked up sadistic shit to you and not make sure you’re okay afterwards - she’s not completely evil, she just puts herself first in most situations, but when you come around, she kinda melts for you and only you. One time, she was on top of you, fully clothed, kissing at your shoulders and grinding her hips down into yours, and she buried her face into the crook of your neck, whispering oh, god, what are you doing to me, sweetheart? referring to how soft she was around you sometimes, how warmly you made her feel, how you saw right through her cruel bullshit and melted her into a puddle. She eventually opens up to you about a lot of things in her life, her childhood, her past, how she became the woman she was. It makes your heart jump. Sometimes, she is so loving to you, and so mean to everyone else, it makes you feel like the luckiest person on the planet, to have such an intense, cold, self-centered woman like Cecilia take a fondness to you.

#cecilia pederson #saw x #saw #cecilia saw x #I want to write more for herrrrrrrrr #I LOVE HER DESPERATELY YOUR HONOR #reblogs are so welcomed!!!!

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djservo · 2 years

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hiii it’s that time again! september wrap up and october tbr? do you go in for a particular vibe in the autumn/winter 🙇🏽‍♀️

IMO 🫂☕️📖 idk what came over me last month (especially since i was out of town/had nonstop plans for the past 2 weeks) but i got thru a lot more than i thought i would so i'm gonna put it undercut 💆‍♀️

black hole by charles burns

LOVED!! really cool body horror/concept - i really wanna try n incorporate a graphic novel every month bc i've enjoyed myself each time 🃏 u already know that i watched it follows the night of finishing this & it was simply the perfect wine n cheese pairing 🍷🧀

shoplifting from american apparel by tao lin

stupid and soulless LOL i went down the rabbit hole of alt-lit (like Theoretically) awhile ago & i guess this was my first real dip into it & it sucked ass but what else did i expect from a genre chock-full of pretentious pseudo-intellectual assholes from peak blogging era 🙄 IF i'm brave enough to sit thru sterile & self-important ramblings of alt-lit again, i'm sticking solely to women writers only ❌☝️

a carnival of snackery by david sedaris

his entries about identity/politics/the pandemic come off a little out-of-touch in a way i'm sure would put someone off completely if it was their first sedaris, but i was still struck by unexpected tenderness/introspection amongst the occasionally glib and smart ass sections - though admittedly, all of which are what got me to love & become a loyal reader of sedaris in the first place

happy go-lucky by david sedaris

i listened to an audiobook of this bc i'd never done that for his essays before & im so glad i did!! it's such a different & even more fulfilling experience to hear his voice/inflections/impressions and generally with essays/memoirs it feels more intimate, kinda like a friend recounting thoughts n memories to you. i need to revisit past essays, but i have an inkling that he's getting a little softer in age - particularly with how he talks about his partner (hugh) like i literally had to go back in book and reread an essay because i couldn't believe he'd gotten so sappy with no punchline 🥲

crush by richard siken

quintessential tumblr poetry moment... don't know what i could possibly say/add about this as it's already been beaten and gutted to death for years on here, but it definitely holds up beyond the more popular n quoted passages interspersed with like. gifs from supernatural or whatever else LOL

high school by tegan & sara quin

so cleverly done with each chapter alternating between them - for some moments i did wish i could've read the other twin's perspective, but i understand it'd probably be too repetitive. clea duvall is the perfect fit to direct this so i'm excited to see how things translate in the show!

the agony of eros by byung-chul han

i devour any ponderings on eros/desire/love/etc so this + a lover's discourse + symposium + a blunt... yeah

sigh, gone by phuc tran

probably wouldn't have finished this if i hadn't switched to the audiobook like halfway thru. kinda uncompelling and pretentious, maybe bc i didn't know of/necessarily care abt the author enough to justify delving into a memoir. i did love/resonate with the bit about his attempts to relate to immigrant parents, i just wish he'd reflected more on his own assimilation / muddled cultural ties rather than straining to connect everything to classic literature (which is kind of ironic now that i think abt it)

never be alone again by lina abascal

laughable... could've (should've) easily been a vice article or better yet a vice documentary (that way the interviews/references would've actually flowed nicely) but instead there are these clunky kitschy buzzfeed ass 'your bloghouse song according to your zodiac sign XD' chapters in between.... but whatever i had fun & gave it to a coworker who's equally & damnably nostalgic for this era 😐

natural causes by barbara ehrenreich

listened to the audiobook - morbid but necessary food for thought abt the wellness industry, moreso how 'wellness' has become so misconstrued to the point of infiltrating our basic understandings of life & death. healthcare myths we've been brainwashed to believe/never question, examinations of intrusive procedures/"cures" that do more harm than good - a little all-over-the-place, but listening to it made it absorb easier i think

corpus christi by terrence mcnally

learned about this play semi-recently thru a documentary (same name) about a theater putting on this play & the actors' experiences with religion/sexuality, THEN coincidentally came across david sedaris mentioning terrence mcnally in a carnival of snackery which was obvi a sign 📡 beautiful & heartbreaking in the way any/all religion&sexuality intersections hit - would love to see this live

+ 3 more since then but i'll save those for our october round-up (bc this is already so annoyingly long) :-)

i'd like to think i'm more drawn to fiction as the weather gets colder n i want something cozy, but i have a few theory books i really wanna sink my teeth into so we'll see how these last few months go 🤨

at the moment i'm reading the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde by robert louis stevenson & also checked out bath haus by pj vernon and the cabin at the end of the world by paul g tremblay (my sister and i saw barbarian in theaters & they showed this trailer & we were like 'omg let's read this together??' despite both of us not being big readers of horror or caring much about m. night shyamalan movies anymore LOL but i'm excited!) - so i suppose i'm doing a horror thing BUT it's also filipinx american history month so i'd like to incorporate that too! i finished up a jessica hagedorn book on my recent trip back home and i'm gonna try to squeeze in another, but i'll be out of town again the end of this month (🛌💤) so to switch up the tone i think i'm gonna take along global divas: filipino gay men in the diaspora by martin f. manalansan iv 🧳📚

#i feel like i watched a lot of movies this month too & i simply don't know how i made the time!!#this was such a bitch to type out on my phone my God don't let me do that again #asks #c speak #cheesehair #reads

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