#i had this vague idea of jace only being angry when he's being taunted about his heritage but | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dnteverdoubtme · 7 years

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A Life Best Forgotten

❛ I want you to know that I was rooting for you. Know that. ❜

@lilithblooded

❝ As if, ❞ Jonathan spat back, looking at Alec with a loathing in his eyes he hadn’t shown since the night Clary had stabbed him with Heosophoros. He was tired of pretending, tired of apologizing and being rejected, tired of waiting for things to get better. This was not the life he had been meant to live, not the life he wanted. He was out of place here, didn’t belong ( he never had ) and to have Alec reprimand him now when he was just starting to feel like himself again was like a slap in the face. The syringe lay broken on the ground, drops of black demon blood oozing from where it had shattered. Jonathan’s body was screaming for it, his veins burning from withdrawal and his heartbeat rising with his anger over having lost what little he’d had left thanks to Alec.

❝ None of you believed this would work. None of you wanted this to work out, ❞ he went on, unable to stop his anger now that it had woken. Somewhere deep in the back of his mind he knew that he was making a mistake, that he was letting his frustration and pain out on the only person who really had cared for him, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself from attacking. ❝ You’ve all been waiting for something like this, haven’t you? A reason to kill me, so you can go back to your lives without having to look over your shoulder. ❞ Jonathan took a step closer to Alec, holding out his arms as if he was about to hug him. It was a challenging gesture, much like the time he had been lying on the ground beneath Clary, telling her to kill him if she could handle killing Jace as well.

❝ What are you waiting for? Kill me. Kill me while you still have the chance, because I’m not going back to that pathetic existence. ❞

“I was,” Alec repeats, more quietly this time, painfully aware of the deaf ears his words are falling into. Jonathan doesn’t look like he’s listening to him, doesn’t look like he’d care to even try, and yet– He had to say something. None of you wanted this to work out... “That is not true,” he tried again, but it was clear by then Alec was merely talking to himself, Jonathan’s anger burning as bright as the heavenly fire had in his veins ( as much as the poison that now took it’s place ). At least he looks alive, a bitter voice in the back of his head felt the need to add.

For days now he felt something was wrong, even wronger than usual that was, Jonathan’s mood was unstable, to say the least, and it alternated between brooding and an almost careless lightness. Finding him with a syringe of demon blood in his hands more than explained it, and while he had been the injecting poison into his veins it didn’t stop Alec from feeling that very same blackness spreading inside his chest, carving part of it hollow. Numb was how he felt whereas Jonathan just grew angrier, louder, his arms open in a mirthless taunt. Kill me. Kill me while you still have a chance... He couldn’t do it – not killing Jonathan, that was a given – but being there, looking at dark veins in Jonathan’s arms, the blackness in his eyes, and do nothing.

Getting into the room Alec had been angry, violent in the way he pulled the syringe away from the blond boy and broke it as if it were a nasty demon. He wasn’t angry anymore, just lost; lost for words, lost for actions... His hand gestured vaguely in Jonathan’s direction but he couldn’t conjure up a way to put his feelings into words. “I can’t be here anymore,” was all he managed, head still shaking in disbelief as he ignored the snarl and the challenge in Jonathan’s voice. Once more his eyes fell to the floor, gaze raking over the broken glass there and the stain of demon blood. This was wrong, so wrong, and Alec didn’t have the first idea of how to fix it, so he took the cowards’ way out for once and left.

#a life best forgotten #lilithblooded #more than a ghost au

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