#i csnt fucjing read it

[actually-2000-mice]

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#i fucking agvsvevwbsbvsvevwvvw #my anxoety is fetting so fucking bad again #and i want to tell mysekf that its just in my head and my friend isnt actually annoyed by me and sick of me and such #but i honestly cant #caust last time i convinced myself i was just reading signals wrong and that they werent mad st me #they fucking worry #and had actually been annoyed with me for weeks #snd those friendships ended up getting fucking destroyed #not to kention getting tokd i was ti intense #god rhats fucked me up so fucking much #and yeah all of this could ve solved by just fucking asking #but i csnt because fucjing anxiety #i ahte this so god damn much #i feel like such a fucking bother #and i cant fucking tell if i actually am or not #snd i cant fuvking even combate that shit anymore like i used ti because last time i was right #i was fucking right #and now i genuinely dont know if ill ever fucking know if uts judt anxiety or not

[othercrossee]

#z rambles #meee 😔😔😔🔫😔💔🔫❌🤨❌🤔❌🤨❌ #nayway im sorry besties im beimg cringe its the cold getting to me and also the burning plastic stil #and also cuz im yearning #and also cuz i noticed hw #big h #fucj i csnt even tyoe #i noticed how big joshua hands r then immedistly got s podt a dsy later tellimg me they did a hand comparison #thsnk god now yall r finally seeing whay im seeing #i kmow holdimg his hand feel safe as hell what a man #i didnt lie wjen i say the omly man i resoect is joshua ill do snything to tell him hes sexy to his face #he may have read s comment saying hes kinda sexy #hes n ot. kinda. he is ve ry sexy. hot if u would #joshua isnt my bias simply cuz hes beyond that title he is. simply everything to me #i am a capricorn men apologist #joshia wwill say shit like my wrist is tiny 🥺 then have the hand of a greek god like sure can ee hold hands or what :/

[bagelbussin]

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!

you know what’s really fucking annoying? the fact that whatever i eat stays in my body i gain weight after every single thing i eat it never comes out and it makes me so fucking mad why does my body do this to me idk well i fucked it up but i’m trying to be better and fix it and eat BUT IT ALL J STAYS IN MY BODY. i hate the way i look please the guilt i have around eating food is unreal if my body were to just maybe digest the food i eat properly i wouldn’t have panic attacks almost every time i eat. yk what it feels like no one really cares except for jade hi if ur reading this but besides her no one could give less of a fuck about me and it’s okay i know i’m a lot to deal with i know it’s tiring being friends with me BELIEVE ME I KNOW. i live with myself everyday i know don’t you worry!!!!!!! i think my friends are tried of me and that’s okay i understand it i just idk feel alone and tired and fucking depressed. idk man everything fuckinf hurts and it’s so exhausting being alive. so many of my friends would be better off without me in their life it’s the truth and i just have to face it ya the truth hurts just deal with it you pathetic wining bitch. the other night i sent A LOT of nudes to this random guy i sent him everything he asked for and i don’t even know why i did it i didn’t feel any sorts of good after that why did i do it it’s all i can think about i mean i can’t go back in time and change what happened but i’m really fucking stupid ugh. i feel like no one cares until im on the edge of killing myself which is how it always is but idk i’m really sad and mad and did i mention how much i hate the way i look like i look at myself and immediately start balling why can’t i look like anyone but me i don’t even care about how much i weigh i just wanna look skinnier but nothing is fucking working i wanna die genuinely wanna die am i gonna kms? no i csnt do that to sky boi the amount of trauma that would give her i can’t do it but will i fantasize about it? fuck yeah. i just wanna take a bunch of pills and sleep for fucking ever. that would be so nice or just cutting so deep it doesn’t even hurt and just bleeding out the funny thing is my friends wouldn’t even know if i died or ended up in the hospital. they don’t talk to my parents so they wouldn’t know i wonder if they’d even react to that i feel like they’d be numb or sad for a while and then just get over it cus what else are u supposed to do im not gonna just come to life again. everyone would be mad at me if i killed myself but it wouldn’t rly matter cus id be dead. i saw somewhere that if shit i forgot what it said idk like yeah i actually wanna die im j not gonna do it. when i was at my lowest lowest i’d send audio messages ranting to my friends and no one listened or responded to them which i’m not mad at them for cus they’re not obligated to listen to that and they also have shit going on but god i felt so fucking alone it was a miserable few weeks. i think im gonna stop ranting to my friends cus at this point im so fucked up in the head they don’t even know what to say anymore they probably just find it annoying. im 9 days clean thats fucking sad. people go through such shit compared to me i feel like i can’t even complain. i wonder how different i would’ve been if i continued taking anti depressants. would i be happy nah probably just numb asf. i mean when i took them i felt really impulsive but i wasn’t sad which is better right? idk my mom said i was acting like i was manic and my psychiatrist said that i might be bipolar my depression just overpowers my mania or it’s stronger idfk i don’t think i’m bipolar i don’t have any trama that would like idk wait i really don’t think i’m bipolar no im definitely not sometimes i j get really impulsive and as my family would call me “crazy”. which is fair like what normal bitch bangs their head against the wall 50 fucjing times?? haha me. it’s so funny i feel like everyone’s given up on me cus im just too much so they’ve given up. they haven’t left me and i hope they never do god please im so stressed i have so much