#i couldn't cross the “calls myself disabled” line for literal years when i should have

[radioactiveryan]

i wish id climbed more trees. wish id gone on more hikes. wish id climbed the stupid rock walls on that trip with my friends. wish id dragged myself back onto the ice rink after the panic attack. wish id lived a little more, a little better, when i was able to do it. i wish i hadn't taken it all for granted

#coming to terms with a lot of things rn #mainly the rapid decline of my mobility lol #i couldn't cross the “calls myself disabled” line for literal years when i should have #i only started using a mobility aid last summer when i should have been using it for much longer #coming to the realisation that i physically cannot do my job is terrifying #i hate grief its the worst feeling ever. grief and fear. i wish i didnt feel them as strongly as i do #i dont know how to process this #this is as well as i am ever going to be #how am i supposed to live like this #ryan talks