#i can't fucking believe i found out my nana died and then immediately went to class.

[non-un-topo]

Why does instagram keep giving me videos about grandparents like does it want me to fall on the floor sobbing today

#they're all gone! none left now #idk what happened this week but i've been trying SO hard not to think about my nana at all #it’s just a constant don't think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it #i did have a really violent nightmare about her the other night. that fucked me up... #maybe it's because i talked to my mom and she mentioned her for a minute. neither of us know how to talk about it. #i literally can't even think about it i'll start crying. #should visit my partner's nonna and nonno... but i will cry. still we need to see nonno because he's very unwell. #i can't fucking believe i found out my nana died and then immediately went to class. #mentioned it to my professor and the whole class gasped and asked if i was okay or if i needed to leave. #but if i didn't go to class then i would have just been home alone... #crying in front of my favourite prof a few days later was... yikes. but it was okay. she felt like a grandma to all of us #she was sincerely sorry. esp because that class was called 'women and aging' #she spend the entire year telling us to ask the older women in our families their stories #and now i have none left. didn’t get to ask. #i don't know why i didn't call when i wanted to #i can't think about it #glad my mom told me that she feels totally disconnected to family too. bc lately ive felt very alone. #like my nana getting sick and dying brought them together but only for a short while. #feels like we have no extended family and it's fucking me up a lot. im just glad im not the only one