#hosting an important rabbi and didn't want their sons friends dicking around in the house and i was like ok i get it and then another friend

[vraska-theunseen]

google how to not be sosososo anxious all the time. its not even like stress that motivates me to get things done it's just like. i make a mistake and misunderstood instructions in class and my teacher is like "you were supposed to figure out precisely where 180 was before taping the draft and punching your marks" when i like an idiot guesstimated it and after a moment of me going "oh..." bc its something i can't fix bc i've already punched in all the holes on the part he's like "i think you'll be okay" and goes back to what he's doing and then for three hours im like he's so annoyed with me i bring things to him too much and ask him too many questions and make the stupidest mistakes every day he hates me. i ask a friend something and they don't respond because they're busy or forget about it or don't see it or any number of other reasons and then a couple weeks later i send them something else and they don't respond for a few hours and its enough time for me to convince myself i said something a while ago that they took offense to without realizing and they're ignoring me and i send another message saying "are you mad at me did i do something can you tell me what i did so we can work it out" and he's like "what?". a friend posts about people treating them badly in a way that's clear they're talking about a specific phenomenon or person and im always like omg are they talking about me did i do something bad and not realize it... and its someone i talk to so infrequently and casually it obviously would not be a concern or someone i've known for so many years that they would obviously come to me if there was any conflict that arose. help

#alex talks #one time that friend from the second example had to rescind an invitation for me to come to shabbat dinner bc he said his parents were #hosting an important rabbi and didn't want their sons friends dicking around in the house and i was like ok i get it and then another friend #mentioned to me something that implied they were still going to the friend's house and i had 2 class periods to stew and get anxious and #paranoid and think like does he hate me? does he just not want to invite me specifically? do his parents not like me did they ask him not to #invite me specifically? and then in advisory we're both just sitting there and im like 'so do your parents hate me' and he's like 'what????' #and i'm like 'jakob said they were still going to your house' and he's like '????? my parents told jakobs parents they could come and stay #overnight bc their parents are out of town so jakob has to come over' and i was like 'oh. sorry' and felt so bad about it for the entire day #honestly? now that im thinking about it so many times i've been like manic in that friends dms about something they said that i've made 10 #leaps of logic over so in my head they said a completely different thing but to them i just sound insane and like i'm taking them in the #most bad faith i possibly can. which i guess really i am but i just get so worried #hm i guess manic is a specific word for a mental health symptom idk how else to describe it like i call him and leave a voicemail where ive #worked myself to tears over something i can't even remember now. maybe hysteric? #nobody reads these right