#he doesn't want to like chay but he literally cant help it

[the-cookie-of-doom]

KimChay still happens despite Kim sleeping with Porsche. As much as they care for each other, there are no deeper feelings. This isn’t a forever relationship. It’s sex in exchange for protection that morphs into fond companionship, but that’s as far as it ever gets. 

Chay is ~14/15 when Kim joins the family. Kim is ~18. This means that while Kim is acting out being rebellious and thinking he’s more mature than he is, Chay falls into the Annoying Little BrotherTM category. And he really… doesn’t leave that mental image Kim has of him until they’re both much older, and Kim realizes oh no, he’s hot. 

But until then! Some canon KimChay things happen, like the guitar tutoring! Kim doesn’t get the chance to become Wik in this AU, but he still has his love of music. It’s his primary coping mechanism for *gestures at everything*. He nearly cries when Porsche rewards him with a guitar a few months into their arrangement. Then at some point Chay catches him playing, likes what he hears, and pesters Kim into teaching him until he finally gives in. 

Chay is also a naughty little gremlin with a cute crush on his brother’s sex slave, and maybe kind of wondering if they’re like. Exclusive? Or if it’s more of a “Kim sold himself to the family, for anyone to use” kind of deal? And if maybe he has a chance? (He doesn’t. He’s too young, he’s been firmly little-brothered by Kim, and Porsche would kill him for trying. But a guy can dream, okay? It doesn’t help that he’s seen Kim in compromising positions way too many times not to fantasize about being the one to put him in those positions.) 

Anyway. There’s the context for this scene. 

-

Chay is still turning his guitar while Kim idly strums on his own. He has a little monitor sitting on the table in front of them, flashing red and green lights to let him know when he gets it right. Kim hasn’t managed to teach him how to tune by ear yet. He hates the monitor; Kim vows to break Chay of that filthy habit eventually. 

“Who taught you how to play guitar, P’Kim?” Chay asks, in that sweet voice of his. He’s staring down at his guitar with a little furrow between his brows, carefully twisting the frets in miniscule increments. Kim’s getting frustrated just listening to it. He wants to tell the boy he’s at least two full turns off, and the glacial pace he’s taking is excruciating. 

“My brother,” Kim answers, and doesn’t say anything more, even when Chay gives a curious little hum. Of course, Chay is never one to exist in silence. 

“Do you ever miss him?”

Only when he let himself. 

“No.”

“Aow, really?” Kim nods once, tightening his grip on the neck of his guitar. He isn’t strumming anymore. “I don’t know what I would do if I left hia. I think I’d miss him so much I would die.”

“My brother and I weren’t close.” 

“You came here because of him, right? To protect him? You wouldn’t do that if you didn’t love him.” 

“You’re right, Kinn is the reason I’m here. Because of his stupid decisions. I don’t want to be here.” Kim fights to keep his voice even. He isn’t going to snap at Chay. He isn’t going to encourage this line of conversation, either. 

Chay stopped trying to tune his guitar.

“Do you hate it here?” 

Does he? 

Kim isn’t mistreated. Porsche has never once forced himself on him, and didn’t punish Kim when he killed three guards for attempting to. Porsche has held up his end of the bargain to shelter Kim from his father’s wrath. He never leaves the compound, but not because it’s forbidden; he has more freedom than he expected to, when he first offered himself to Porsche’s mercy. 

“No,” Kim eventually answers. He takes Chay’s guitar from him and begins to tune it. 

“Do you want to leave?”

“I don’t have anywhere else to go.” 

“But if you did, would you?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it.” Kim doesn’t see the point of perseverating over something that won’t happen. These are his circumstances. They aren’t going to change. It doesn’t matter what he would do if things were different, because they aren’t. 

Chay takes back his guitar, now tuned, and stares down at his hands on the strings. 

“I’m sorry, P’Kim,” he says, standing. “That sounds like a very sad way to live.” 

Kim watches Chay leave without another word. He feels like he should call the boy back. He doesn’t. 

#cookie writes #kimporsche #kimchay #i mean not really but kind of #chay is a good little bean #he feels bad for Kim #after this he's going to try and do something to help make him feel more at home #Kim is so begrudgingly fond of him #he doesn't want to like chay but he literally cant help it #the kid is a marshmallow