#he doesn't get a cast intro bc in the fic inside my head that i'll never write he dies in the first 'episode' 😬

[ifyougoillfollow]

trick or treat!

MWUAHAHA - TRICKS BE UPON YE 😈😈

excuse me while i use this hallowed ween as an excuse to exorcise some demons:

what if rooftop gang Misfits AU

no listen if you've never seen Misfits(UK)(2009) i cannot in good conscience recommend doing so – it is a horrid little show full of horrid little people having a horrid little time and suffering horrid little fates more often than not, but like. it's also ASTOUNDINGLY funny, if you can stomach dated, edgy-with-a-captital-E late-2000's humor –

and boy CAN i, so i've recently made the mistake of starting a casual rewatch and lemme tell ya, the urge to stick our favorite rooftop fools* into this horrid little setting is MIGHTY but i cannot do it i REFUSE !!

anyway here's what i have so far**

* plus emi, because i'm predictable like that **please note i say 'so far' for comedic effect – i am for serious not gonna actually write this thing i cannot emphasize this enough

PREMISE Group of young delinquents sentenced to do community service get caught in a freak storm that gives them superpowers which reflect some important aspect of their personalities. Shenanigans (by which I mean crime) (by which I mean they immediately kill their parole officer (in self-defense!)) ensue. CAST MIC: Loudmouth. Doing time for assault. Talked shit, got hit – hit back hard. Wannabe punk with a chip on his shoulder. Flaming bisexual. Hates Aizawa. Has his sights set on Nemuri. Chill with Oboro. Finds Emi annoying. Power: Same as Quirk. AIZAWA: Buzzkill. Doing time for petty theft. Stole Daddy's credit card. Rich kid loner with a stick up his ass. Repressed homosexual. Hates Mic. Unnerved by Nemuri. Suspicious of Oboro. Finds Emi annoying. Power: Same as Quirk. NEMURI: Vixen. Doing time for shoplifting. Big titty discount fail. Shameless freak with boundary issues. Burgeoning bisexual. Tolerates Mic. Intrigued by Aizawa. Amused by Oboro. Finds Emi annoying. Power: Similar to Quirk, but based on pheromones and more emphasis on others perceiving her as attractive. OBORO: Stoner. Doing time for drug sale/possession. Local weed dealer. Chill extrovert with his head in the clouds. Token straight. Chill with everyone. Giant, obvious crush on Nemuri. Power: Similar to Quirk, except the clouds behave like real clouds, i.e. are intangible. EMI: Clown. Doing time for destruction of property. Prank gone wrong. Cringefail funnyman with a crippling need for validation. Closeted lesbian. Finds Mic hilarious. Likes to harass Aizawa. Giant crush on Nemuri. Chill with Oboro. Power: Same as Quirk.

Hizashi's the last to arrive at the community center.

He wasn't even on time for his court date – why the hell should court-mandated community service be any different? (Fuck the court, is the point.) By the time he's out of the locker room clad in his very own dumbfuck (but also kinda punk as hell if you think about it) mandatory orange jumpsuit, the rest of the clowns he's serving time with have already assembled in a convenient little lineup on the steps out front.

As he gets closer, 'clowns' turns out to be a more appropriate descriptor than he'd bargained for. Two of his four fellow ne'er-do-wells are sporting bad dye jobs in precociously pastel colors – blue for the guy, green for the chick. Bluey has a wide bandage over a nose that looks thoroughly unbroken. The other one has smiley-face stickers plastered over both cheeks and may very well be an actual clown. Both are flashing gap-toothed, paint-huffer-eyed grins. They're either going to be a riot or completely fucking insufferable, Hizashi can feel it in his jimmies.

Before Hizashi has a chance to suss out what kind of freak his other two compatriots in crime might be, a hulking, sentient block of a man steps out to join them in front of the community center. The dude is so jacked he's downright cubical. He's not just beefy, he's the whole goddamn cow – or bull, rather. Hizashi's not entirely convinced the fucker can look at his own reflection without ramming straight into the mirror, what with the red hair and all.

These are all the sorts of observations Hizashi would normally take great pleasure in relaying out loud, but the thing about Hizashi is, he's an asshole, not suicidal.

"Afternoon, everyone,” growls the steroid abuse PSA come to life. “My name is Todoroki Enji. I will be your parole officer for the coming weeks. While you are under my supervision, you do what I tell you to do, when I tell you to do it. If you can manage that until the end of your term, I will sign all necessary forms and you will all be free to continue down the path to lifelong delinquency on your own time. With any luck, next time we can skip this unnecessary step and send you straight to prison where you belong."

"Ah,” says Hizashi, “so you're a Cop cop."

The dark-haired bombshell Hizashi had deliberately stood next to as soon as he’d spotted her snorts. "He's a parole officer, numbnuts – what did you expect?"

"Hot and mean? Happy birthday to me."

Bluey pops up from beside Hizashi’s future heartbreak with a dopey grin. "Oh, hey, happy birthday, man!"

Before Hizashi can tell him off, the clown on Bluey’s other side starts shrieking: “Haaaappy birthday to you, happy birthday to you –”

Hot Stuff snorts again. "It's not actually your birthday, is it?"

Hizashi winks at her over his shades. "For you, baby, it could be."

"Real cute,” she drawls.

"Can you stop that?" someone snaps.

The clown stops her caterwauling. "But it's his birthday!"

"No, it isn't. He’s just trying to get in that one’s pants." There’s a sneer in that voice that sets Hizashi’s asshole-sense a-tingling. When he turns towards the source, he finds a dead-eyed, greasy-haired emo reject with the most potent school shooter vibes Hizashi’s witnessed to date.

"Yeah?” Hizashi shoots back. “And what would you know about getting laid, eh, Columbine?"

"That enough!” Officer Roid Rage thunders. Hizashi swears he feels the earth quake a little. “Your first task for today is to repaint those benches.” He jabs a meaty finger toward some benches across the way. “There are six of them, and six of you. Figure it out. Paint buckets and brushes are over there.” Another meaty finger over yonder. “Questions?"

The clown raises her hand. "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"Are you for real –” Hizashi turns to the other clowns for help – “is she for real right now?"

"Hey, I'll bite,” says Bluey. “Why'd the chicken cross the road?"

"I dunno – that's why I'm asking!" She doubles over wheezing at her own joke. Probably to make up for the fact that no one else ever will.

"I expect those benches to be painted by the end of the hour,” growls Officer Roid Rage. Then he exercises the freedom Hizashi wishes he currently had himself and walks away. The bastard.

It’s only as the world’s clowniest band of misfits jingle-jangle one by one towards the benches over yonder, bargain bin painting supplies in hand, that Hizashi realizes the headcount is off.

“Hey – didn’t the cop say there were six of us?”

#spoiler: it's tensei. tensei's the sixth clown. #he's running late bc he had to pick lil tenya up from school he got it all cleared with enji and everything #his whole shtick in this verse is he's a charmingly roguish goody-two-shoes who's only doing time bc he got caught in some sort of protest #he doesn't get a cast intro bc in the fic inside my head that i'll never write he dies in the first 'episode' 😬 #rip king ✊ #ask box #trick or treat #i wrote a thing #rooftop gang #misfits au #thanks for the ask homie <33