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#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park
united-under-skyfall
·
5 months
Text
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#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to
#get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all
#at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without
#radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up
#it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping
#and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place
#so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are
#gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park
#or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years
#and it's only been a week.
#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold
#super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.
#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so
#few options and i volunteered for it in the first place
#and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises
#of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block
#just. what am i even doing here.
#tag ramble
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