#g but I don't care as much about the end result so it just doesnt exist in my brain anymore once I'm done? idk.. anyway ghjbhj

[mypeacewithreece]

I don't want to take the power away from you, but you don't want this to be your burden. You don't want this on your conscience, your heart. Am I correct?

So, This falls on me.

You have made it very clear that you won't be with me until Jared is out of the picture. I'm choosing to not remove him at this time, thereby "forcing your hand" to choose her.

I love you. You don't need to give her up.

God is giving you what you've wanted.

You thanked me for my voicemail. But did it really cross a boundary you've put in place? She doesnt push your boundaries. I do. Was it unwanted. Did you listen to it last night after talking on the phone with her all night? Did you read my other posts on here after the angry one you posted? (Those questions are rhetorical at this point .)

You said you were struggling yesterday...

You thanked me for softening, you tell me you just need to know that I love you, that I am your rock.

I love you. Always.

Its hard to end this with me. I understand. You're making this easier for me by showing me where you are during this process. I'm not angry and you don't need to respond. I mistakenly called you twice yesterday and mentioned that I hoped you would check on here because I thought my words would help, not manipulate. But here I am doing the wrong thing again. Waiting for you.

You said you were going to make yourself more alone to be in touch with God. But this feels like you're allowing yourself to go no contact with me pain and guilt free because that's what "we" decided. I don't really know what you're going through. Just from what I observe and feel. What was this really about. You just needed a break from me, relief from this? You've said that many times when I didn't have you backed into a corner.

God has set this time up with her perfectly for you this past weekend. You don't need to question where you are with her or worry about where she thinks you are. You don't need to worry where we stand either.

I need this separation more than you do. Pain causes growth. I'm glad God gave you someone to help you through this process. You've told me what you need. I have tried to end it with you so many times and again on Monday And here we are. I feel the same way I did that day.

I learned yesterday that my need for speed and my sense of urgency gets me in trouble. I react in haste. I react to make a decision so one is made rather than weighing the results carefully.

I am not in charge of this. But I am in charge of what I keep allowing to happen. I need to heal also and forgive myself for what I've done. Then I'll be ready to be a new person for you.

You will get up tomorrow and talk to your girlfriend, read Tumblr (maybe not because of the heaviness that it could bring) then head to work. Your work day will be busy, doubtful that you will have a chance to be careful with your words And post on Tumblr, then call her after work and end another night with her.

Such is your routine. How is it you have even less time for me now. As busy as my life is/ will be, I have made you a priority to the best of my ability. You have made her a priority which allows you to feel loved and cared for. This in turn is you loving yourself and making yourself a priority.

The truth is, now that you're official, you will have more obligations to her. They are unspoken but they are there. Things will change in your head, maybe in hers. I don't know. I can't get caught up in that. CAN'T.

Starting on Saturday, Aug 12, The world didn't crumble because we didn't talk as much. The opposite occurred, you reached for peace with her. You made it official with her "naturally".

Monday we decided to go "no contact". As if I believed Ireally could. But at least in my attempt, I have given you a reprieve from this. My emotions.

I don't know why next Monday is a deadline, we can stretch it longer. Not to decide to be together, not to share what we've learned. We can decide to continue our lives separately. If this is the way we go "no contact" it won't be so bad.

This will get easier. You have your bandaid. I will find mine.

I guess we'll wait for our time. You deserve to know its the right time And feel it in your gut. I deserve to know that you're with me of your own free will.

1:11am 8/16