#fucking apparently. I'm genuinely so sorry for ever making any of you cross paths with me.

[aftermathing]

Am I just a bad person. I don't think anything I've done has ever made people bitter and have a years long grudge against me? Or I'm the only person in the entire world who experiences this kind of feeling and I'm just an asshole. I still hold very hard grudges towards even people I like and am friends with because they won't apologize for something terrible and harmful they did to me and I don't want to let it go because it changed the trajectory of my entire life.

#If you're reading this it's not about you #This is about people who don't use tumblr or follow me and don't use tumblr enough for me to be worried about them seeing it #I know no one ever ever ever has bad intentions and accidents happen and mistakes and stupidity happen #and I know you didn't mean it and you have your reasons and it sucks that I'm such a fucked up bitchy bitter piece of shit #But like I moved into the dorms specifically for you and then you abandoned me day of n had a whole house all ready to go with roommates :( #Roommates who weren't me and who you were infinitely better friends with and I wasn't invited to join. :(( #You made me leave your house even though I said I couldn't and I had a breakdown on the highway and almost committed suicide :(( #I said I was scared to be alone in my dorm and I was out of food and needed to go to store and too scared and after that my car #was longer a safe place either and I told you this and you said 'clean your car and buy yourself a trinket from goodwill' :(( #All this semester I skipped so many meals becaus I couldn't go to the store and I told you and you said to 'just go to the dollar store' :( #You called the police bc I was 'missing' even though I was literally in the room next to yours and you didn't FUCKING BOTHER TO CHECK ON ME #WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU???? #god im so bitter im such a genuine actual garbage shit person please don't ever be friends with me I am actually going to #throw up thinking about what a terrible piece of shit I am. what is wrong with me. why cant i just be a good person #I can't let these little fucking mistakes go why does anybody waste their time and energy and breath and life on me #nothing i say can ever be normal every word i say is a vent because nothing good has ever happened to me. #fucking apparently. I'm genuinely so sorry for ever making any of you cross paths with me. #I promise you I'm going to kill myself soon and I'm so so so so sorry it wasn't sooner :((