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#fuck. sorry for this trauma dump of a post. I've just felt numb for months and now everything's catching up to me
hollowflight-propaganda
·
3 months
Text
Me: has my sixth sudden crying spell of the week
Also me: "yeah but I'm probably not ACTUALLY depressed"
#gonna be honest boys. I have been feeling like dogshit
#started with me having a good ol' existential spiral at 4 am a week ago and now I don't even know what's bothering me
#and then there's all of the bad stuff going on making me anxious for myself and everybody on top of everything
#all the abhorrent transphobia has been making me feel worried for the future
#(as if the passing of time doesn't already horribly scare me but I digress)
#idk man. I already feel like I'm unequipped for the future because I've realized I never thought I'd still be alive right now
#majority of my childhood was filled with adults preaching at me to think about where I'd be going in the afterlife so I did just that
#that plus they were the type to believe that the rapture is soon cause “the signs are all coming true”
#so I always thought that either that would happen or I'd die before now
#well. I'm still here and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
#and I'm lonely. really fucking lonely and I'm going mad cause of it
#never had actual friends besides the kids I was with at my old private school. now they're all raging conservatives who mock minorities
#I was able to get away but moving on isn't as easy as I hoped
#it'd be so much easier to betray all my beliefs and act ignorant again so I can have my friends back
#but of course I can't do that. I can't throw out who I am and all of the wonderful people I know who would be “sinful” in their eyes
#idk man. I think I've finally reached the breakdown I've been feeling coming for the past two years
#fuck. sorry for this trauma dump of a post. I've just felt numb for months and now everything's catching up to me
#needed to yell about it I guess
#vent
#phoenix prattles
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