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#experienced something deeply personal and destabilizing i don't feel comfortable sharing
pollen
·
3 months
Text
hii it's been awhile since i've given any updates about what's going on with me but!!! i think we're moving back to oregon at some point. and i'm gonna make grad school happen. i'm so yhappy
#i'm going to oregon sometime this quarter but it's gonna break my heart because i have to leave again
#idk the col is so much higher there than here. you can buy a whole three bedroom house for $200k here
#a 3 bed in oregon is at least twice that
#and rent is insane. $1100 for a beautiful 3 bed here. or twice that for something less nice in oregon
#well. not HERE here jesus the suburbs are expensive. but in central pa where we're thinking of moving
#which is like.... the best place to retire in the country? what's with that. low col probably LOL
#and lately i've been feeling so..... lost? the ego death i went through in 2023 was incredible
#and like. do i NEED to go to grad school to get a well-paying job in my field? no i have almost 7 yoe
#but i'm missing feeling good at something. and the networking. and the portfolio work i can do. so it wouldn't be about employablility
#though that helps. idk i'm gonna try to get my undergrad loans paid off as much as i can (only 30k left on the ones in my name 🫠) this year
#while working on freelance projects and all that. it just feels good having a direction that doesn't feel completely hopeless
#because it's been so bleak lately. like. got laid off from an agency i poured my soul into (not doing that again unless it's my own)
#experienced something deeply personal and destabilizing i don't feel comfortable sharing
#moved across the country while i didn't have a job and was processing that trauma to a place where i know no one
#i got so lonely and so alone that i thought i would die. i didn't really have anyone to turn to while i did the work of reliving
#started drinking a lot to cope bc i didn't have a medical card. was truly miserable. got a medical card. wasn't miserable anymore
#and now i'm working and less anxious and feeling supported and stable in my relationship. and i feel myself coming back to myself.
#it's been so hard but i'm so glad to be seeing the end of it. and to see good things and happy things in that
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