#except it's a dang platypus | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ysabelmystic · 2 years

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please tell us about the weird shit you did at 13

Thank you :)

-I exclusively wore Angry Birds t-shirts with the exception on one Perry The Platypus shirt that was too big for me.

-I wore sweaters 24-7 even if the temperature got into the 90s because the air felt Spicy. I also chewed on the sweater sleeves. And my hands.

-I developed an anxiety around eating anything other than peanut butter crackers and powdered sugar donuts while on school grounds.

-My friend's mom started growing jalapenos and packed them (raw) in her lunch. I ate them consistently to prove that I was a badass. No one challenged me or anything. I just did that. I had PE after lunch. Things didn't turn out well.

-I once hid a grasshopper in a girl's locker because the girls on my row kept talking about cup sizes and boys and that was boring. I thought this would spice things up. It did.

-I wore training bras until I was 14 because I didn't want boobs. When questioned/teased I felt like I had to respond like I was upset so I'd end up saying things like "I'll have you know my mother/grandma is a D/DD cup! My time will come!"

-I had a rivalry with a friend over another friend because we were both vying for the attention of another girl in our PE class that eventually led to us kicking the shit out of each other during Tae Bo (which we did as part of our dance unit for some fucking reason). In hindsight, she was gay. I'm gay now. But at the time, I was religious and instigated a debate on gay marriage because I thought that was a fucking good idea.

-On that note, I wrote romantic, even intimate fiction that wasn't gay because they were "just friends". I know everyone in my class saw it because I was fucking blind and wrote in font size 18.

-I bought a trilby because I thought that I was cool and uncringe enough to same it's reputation from the nice-guy bronies.

-I went through a phase where I wore rainbow knee-high socks and key chains on my belt loops almost every day.

-I refused to listen to pop music because I wasn't like other girls. Instead, I listened to anything that equated to "Irish" from Celtic Woman to Dropkick Murphys. I also bragged about having an Irish heritage and had a full on breakdown when I found out I did not, and that my mom wouldn't let me dye my hair red.

-I rubbed milk and lemon-juice on my skin so I would get paler. When I got a tan over the summer before 8th grade I went into a literal mourning period.

-I performed a skit/comedy routine about the story of Esther in my church youth group. No one asked for this. I was called on to answer a question, stood up, and did that for some fucking reason. No one was impressed. Except me. I was deeply impressed with myself.

-The Karen haircut

-During the peak of the One Direction obsession I bought a poster and picked a member (Niall?) to have a crush on. I didn't know anything else about the band except for 3 songs total, so if someone brought it up I would just say, "I have a crush on Niall" and then vanish.

-I made wearing Converse my whole personality and had a rivalry with wearers of Vans. Which was pretty bold for someone who only wore low-tops.

-I was too scared to ask to use the restroom so I didn't really drink water at school at all. I also didn't drink water in the morning (or eat) because it made me feel sick.

-I wasn't allowed to swear so I spoke like Ned Flanders from The Simpsons. Favorite choice was "gosh dang dernit", specifically, with a "cowboy" accent.

Middle school was fun.

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salty-dracon · 4 years

Text

ace hang plays temtem

I MISS HOP... | Temtem Early Access! Part 1 | Ace Hang Plays

Temtem is a Pokemon-like monster collector MMO that’s full of adorable creatures that fight in double battles. It’s tons of fun! Except for Max. Max is a meanie. :( ~Arthur

(Max’s Oree knocks out Arthur’s Smazee in one hit)

Arthur: Oh my god, fuck you!

Val: You can say fuck?!

Val: Hey everyone, Ace Hang here! I’m Val!

Arthur: And I’m Arthur! And we’re playing TemTem! It’s this newly released but heavily touted Pokemon-like monster collector MMO that’s received lots of praise from all over the net. From its cute designs to its beautiful world, and the excitement of just having a Pokemon RPG, it’s a game worth checking out.

Val: Arthur just would not stop talking about this. He sent me a picture of, uh... (Val fiddles on his phone) this... platypus lookin’ thing, and it’s, like... (Val holds out his phone, which has a picture of Platypet on it) Look at how cute this thing is!

Arthur: I know, right?

Val: And dang, the trailer? Man, it’s like, beautiful! Basically, I’m hyped. Let’s do this!

-------

(Opening of the game. Arthur’s character looks like himself, as he’s controlling the game.)

Val: What the fuck?! Is that our mom?!

Arthur: Oh god, she looks like she’s going to overfeed me.

Val: It’s our Apprentice’s Eve.

Arthur: Yes, it is. Cool. Okay, looks like we’ve got a Tempedia. “The quintessential device every trainer should have. The Tempedia records crucial info on every Temtem seen and caught. Yours is a present from Aina.”

Val: Sweet. Thanks, Mom.

Arthur: Alright, let’s head outside. Oh, yay! Everyone’s here to see us off!

Val: Aww, they pitched in to give us money for school! That’s so sweet of them!

Arthur: “Oh, that’s lovely! Thank you so much dear neighbors! But where is your friend Max?”

Val: He’s probably the Hop of this game.

Arthur: Oh, Hop! I loved Hop.

Val: He’s seriously one of my favorite rivals. Like, he’s a shit trainer, but he’s just such a good guy deep down. I just...

Arthur: Just, he was... a bro, you know?

Val: Guy’d always work his hardest to uplift you no matter what. I just... I just appreciated that so much. Like, you two played off each other, you worked hard for each other to help us reach our dreams...

Arthur: I hope Hop joins us for the DLC. I want to see more of him.

Val: Anyway, I’ll voice Max, and- oh god, I hate him already.

Arthur: He just showed up!

Val: “Someone calling? Oh, hey, Arthur. Did you know it’s my Apprentice’s Eve too?“

Arthur: And I guess that’s Professor Konstantinos- he’s just the professor. “Don’t worry, my dear Aina, I’ll drop these kids off at the Accademia before going to the University.“

Val: “Cool, can we go with you?“

Arthur: “You’re too young for college, kid. But, maybe one day. What about you, Arthur?“ Well, I certainly would like to go to college.

Val: “Arthur isn’t that good at handling Temtem. But that’s okay, don’t worry, Arthur. You can just stay here and take care of Aina.“

Arthur: “Hey-“ “Alright, let’s go to the lab, kiddos.“

Val: Why the fuck did he say that?

-------------------

Arthur: Anyway, the lab is right here... and those are our starters over there.

Val: Oh, cool. Looks like a grass type, a water type, and a fire type. I think.

Arthur: Wrong, actually. Crystal, melee, mental.

Val: Oh, that’s interesting.

Arthur: I’ll see if we can get a better description. “You’ve already learned the basics of Temtem. These are from all over the Archipelago.”

Val: “Hey, Teach, do you have any digital Temtem?“ Digital?

Arthur: It’s a type, like water, fire, and nature.

Val: Oh, sweet, there’s robots?!

Arthur: “Digital Temtem are a very recent invention and therefore very rare.“

Val: “Ha! I have one!“ Okay, now you’re just showing off, buddy.

Arthur: It’s kind of cute, though. “But since you’ve got one, we’ll let Arthur pick the one he wants.”

Val: “What? Why does Arthur get to choose and I don’t?!“ Because you have a fucking robot Temtem, Max. A fucking robot Temtem. Also you’re a dick.

Arthur: “Shut up, kid. Arthur, take your pick.“

Val: Okay, so the one on the left is crystal type. “Crystle”. One in the middle is “Smazee”, melee- did he say he won it in a pub brawl?

Arthur: Professors have weird lives.

Val: Okay. And the one on the right is Houchic, a mental type.

Arthur: I personally want the one in the middle. It just looks cute.

Val: Smazee? Hey, it’s probably a good choice.

Arthur: It’s a little fuzzy monkey lion thing!

Val: Yeah, it’s the cutest one. Okay, let’s roll, then.

Arthur: Okay, let’s head out now. Oh, hey, Max.

Val: “Arthur, the teacher’s pet... you think you’re better than me, don’t you?“ Oh, I’m sorry, dickhead, you have a fucking ROBOT TEMTEM and I DON’T.

Arthur: This Smazee is my baby now and if you hurt him I’ll kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Val: “Fite me, bitch.“ Okay, sure, asshole. What are you gonna do? I’m the protagonist, and I’m gonna beat your ass.

Arthur: Maybe then you’ll learn to respect me.

Val: Wh-Why are they even our friend?! All they’ve done is tell us we’re too weak and dumb for this shit, call us a teacher’s pet, throw a hissy fit when we get a Temtem like some kind of entitled kid... Like what the fuck, dude! Where’s Hop’s wholesomeness?!

Arthur: Opponent is Max. Time for a battle tutorial. So, looks like you select “battle”, select a move, and attack. Let’s hit them with a “Kick”...

Val: Fuck them up! Kick their ass!

Arthur: You’ll regret saying I should have just stayed with my mum, Max...

(Smazee does meager damage. Oree one-shots Smazee.)

Arthur: ...

Val: ...

Arthur: Oh my god, fuck you!

Val: You can say fuck?!

Arthur: You have the audacity to come to me for a battle, burn my fucking Smazee, like some pissing dog, and then say “Hooray, my first victory!” as if you didn’t pick the fucking fight yourself?!

Val: You can say fuck?!

Arthur: I HATE him! I HATE them and their fucking Oree!

Val: The Oree didn’t do anything wrong! Maybe it just crit!

Arthur: There are no crits in this fucking game!

Val: Are you fucking serious?! Oh my god, fuck you, Max.

Arthur: Ugh. Such a prick. Anyway, “That Digital Temtem really gave you an edge there, Max.“

Val: “Didn’t you say it was the tamer and not the Temtem that made all the difference?“

Arthur: Oh, piss off. “Sorry, Arthur, but there’s no way you could have won against them.“ Ugh. And he heals up Smazee a bit... and gives us...?

Val: It’s a birdie! Oh my god, that SQUEAK.

Arthur: A Tuwai. And it’s quite rare, and has some mysterious powers. I’ll take good care of him too!

Val: “What? Why don’t I get one of those?!” Because you have a fucking DIGITAL TEMTEM, you dick!

Arthur: Alright, and now, the journey begins! (Smazee is following the Avatar) Oh MY GOD IT’S FOLLOWING ME! OH MY GOD IT’S FOLLOWING ME! OH MY GOD THAT’S SO CUTE. (turns character around to face the Smazee walking behind him, it does a little chirrup) Oh, you’re so cute. We’re going to take names together, you and I. Oh my god, I love you.

Val: I can see you already love him.

Arthur: Yes. Yes I do.

-----------

Arthur: And we’re here at Brical de Mar.

Val: “Hey, what took you so long?” We have a full team now, dickhead. Tateru, Paharo, Pigipec...

Arthur: And I guess this is Sophia. Looks like she runs the dojo, which is basically the gym.

Val: Looks like a water type gym leader. And now she’s taking us on a tour.

(post tour)

Arthur: Aww, that was a nice tour!

Val: Okay, who’s better? Nessa or Sophia? Like, appearance, personality wise?

Arthur: You’re asking me?!

Val: A lot of people seemed to like Nessa, that’s all.

Arthur: I mean... I... really have no clue.

Val: Yeah, me neither. Okay, let’s roll. “See you in the dojo, loser.“ Watch me beat the final boss, dickhead.

#ace hang #btw yes max is nonbinary #i'm trying to see if the story continues in earlier versions of the alpha #since some youtubers have covered it #so far they have no redeeming qualities

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