Jimmy & Janis
Jimmy: [okay so we said that JJ have gone to get the PE shit and are casually having a ๐ฌ and the teacher is like go see what the hold up is and Ella volunteers cos 1000% that bitch and she of course starts a vague rumour about them being saucy with it] Janis: are the boys saying shit Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Janis: fuck's sake Janis: right, how do you wanna deal from your end Janis: 'cos you can say shit or you can slag me off like you'd never, either way, your move, new boy Jimmy: how do you want me to? Jimmy: I could give a shit what gets said about me Janis: alright, just say nothing then Janis: I'll deck her Jimmy: ๐ Janis: hardly Jimmy: nowt close to a challenge my end Jimmy: and it ain't like you'll have one flooring her Janis: still can't get her to take it back Janis: have to force feed her or some shit for that Jimmy: and what? you've got a missus waiting at home that'll be ๐ you were at it with someone else in the sport's cupboard? Janis: Fuck off Janis: if I've got to explain sexism to you then cba Janis: no one's chatting shit on your name like they are mine Jimmy: I bet lasses are, 'cause I shouldn't have touched you with a barge pole or some bollocks Jimmy: hang on, I'll check Jimmy: [DMs] Janis: and what? Janis: I didn't start it, take it up with Blondie Jimmy: I don't care what any dickhead in this shithole reckons, it's your problem if you do Jimmy: that's what Janis: Don't need your groundbreaking hot take to know that, tah Jimmy: stop whinging at me then, tah Janis: I ain't, do one Janis: I was checking you weren't making it worse for me, that's it Jimmy: job done Jimmy: and there'll be a new #scandal tomorrow so no need to check in with me again Janis: you reckon, new boy? Janis: you'll be lucky if another kid joins before you leave yourself Jimmy: I'll be leaving myself soon as Jimmy: you'll be lucky if it ain't you and ๐๐ stuck doing the project Janis: mistaking me for the bitch that cares about her A Jimmy: nah, I weren't Jimmy: the ๐ ain't prescription Janis: i'd get her to spread that it is Janis: don't wanna shout about how that look is a choice Jimmy: you ain't that bad that I feel the need, looks wise at least Janis: great Jimmy: any road, my brother's deaf, if I start spreading that shit about they'll be asking my sister if she's got a fake leg or some bollocks Jimmy: be a bit rude to her Janis: I'm not gonna chat shit on your unfortunate genetics, don't worry Janis: can't rival mine anyway Jimmy: @iantaylor8 if you wanna have a go Janis: unless he has his own law firm, I'm not bothered Jimmy: ๐ for him Janis: obviously, we had a great time amongst the unwashed bibs and muddy footballs Jimmy: surprised she could get the door open Jimmy: ๐๐ช Janis: got that burst of adrenaline knowing she'd get extra treats from her master for it Janis: could've been in there alone, obviously helps other people give more of a fuck that it was you Jimmy: ๐ Janis: so yeah, it is your fault, cheers Jimmy: didn't send myself or force you to have that ๐ฌ off me, mate Janis: not my go-to defense story Janis: crying rape might seem kinda cute but I'm alright Jimmy: funny Jimmy: you ain't that cute I NEED to fuck you mid P.E Janis: oh no Janis: let me go cry into the nearest ๐ Jimmy: the mats would be a better shout, they've managed all that ๐ฆ Janis: oh yeah, bring up the mats Janis: not heard enough about what a romantic setting they are Jimmy: soz, next time I'll assault you in the ๐ฝ Janis: even better Janis: I'll just stay in there and set up shop Jimmy: ๐ Janis: should've picked an option with a racket Jimmy: ๐ป๐ป Janis: work too, fair heft behind that Jimmy: bit of class an' all Jimmy: rich girl won't have nowt to whinge about Janis: 'cos I've proved well classy Jimmy: will do with a full orchestra behind your rampage Janis: I'll find a music nerd in these DMs Jimmy: ๐ฅ๐ก Janis: beats Mia suing me 'cos I killed her girlfriend Jimmy: another'd spawn from Mia's rib or some bollocks Jimmy: she'd be alright Jimmy: if she don't regurgitate one like a ๐ jaw unhinged Janis: ๐ don't baa on the way out, new boy Janis: ask my sister Jimmy: You're alright, I'd rather not talk to her Janis: wow Janis: same Jimmy: ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฑ OMG Jimmy: no wonder every dickhead thinks we're love's young dream Janis: yeah, she's SUCH a delight, everyone else ๐s her Jimmy: obvs Janis: you're new, so I'll let you off for not being up enough on the gossip this once Jimmy: tah Jimmy: so generous, you Janis: apparently so Jimmy: go on, what do you want me to do Janis: ? Jimmy: you're that ๐ Janis: you can't do fuck all Janis: even if I were Jimmy: Why can't I? Janis: what's to do Janis: they chat shit 'cos they got none of their own Janis: none as interesting as what they wanna gob off about anyway Jimmy: I dunno, that's why I asked Jimmy: but alright Janis: just forget about it 'til they do, like you said Jimmy: nowt to bother remembering Janis: not a diss, just factual so Janis: yeah Jimmy: bet Ella counts her ๐ฌ Janis: easier habit to hide when you have to brush your teeth at least ten times a day Jimmy: got something else to blame when they go yellow and fall out an' all Janis: set of falsies is the way to go Janis: off and on again whenever you need to purge Janis: I'll float it Jimmy: shame she don't do lads Jimmy: that's a kink right there Janis: she definitely does Janis: that's why this is bullshit Janis: does whatever ๐๐ needs her to Jimmy: I'll live without hearing about them threesomes Janis: grim Jimmy: they still ain't welcome up north Janis: ๐ how will they cope Jimmy: idk idc obvs babes Janis: ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ Jimmy: go ahead and spread that about as your official โข reaction to my ๐ Janis: no one cares if you were good, new boy Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: that'll be why my inbox is full Janis: your inbox is full because a. people think you're good as is b. they wanna know if I am Jimmy: if they reckon I'm good they care enough to have thought about it Janis: alright, they're well concerned Janis: if you need 'em to be Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you ain't concerned about what I do or don't need Janis: nah, I'm not Janis: just a weird hill to live and die on Jimmy: would be if it were the one I were on Janis: ๐ Janis: just saying, no one is concerning themselves if I had a good time or not Jimmy: I heard you Janis: alright Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: later Janis: [actually later, like a lesson or so whatever] Janis: do you know George Daley? Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'cos I wanna know if he's telling the truth or not Jimmy: about what? Janis: apparently you told him loads of extra details he was loudly telling his mates Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: new boy, remember Janis: he's not also saying you're best friends Jimmy: I'm saying I've said nowt Jimmy: piss off Janis: okay Janis: you're marginally more plausible than him so take your word Jimmy: I'll take my ๐ soon as you've engraved it Janis: don't get ahead of yourself Janis: either your imagination is lacking or it's his Janis: and I know you're WELL artistic so Jimmy: alright, stop flirting with me Janis: how many more girls need to tell you that's disgusting Jimmy: how many lasses are in this school? Janis: ha Janis: know they don't do royalty in the north, even they ain't that thick Janis: come up with a new bit probably Jimmy: ๐ Janis: send you his socials if you wanna smack him down Jimmy: go on then Janis: [does] Janis: he's the least attractive one in the groupshot, go figure Jimmy: the ๐ฆ looking twat? Jimmy: alright Janis: ๐ Janis: good shout Janis: fits with your fish kink Jimmy: What lesson you in? Janis: Physics Jimmy: that's [a classroom/ lab number situ, don't get lost boy] ? Janis: next one along Jimmy: ๐ Jimmy: [shows up and decks this boy so that all kicks off] Janis: [dramaaaaaaa] Jimmy: [enjoy the show bitches] Janis: [what are you gonna make of that, ladies, when it looks like you're defending her honour instead of your own] Jimmy: [when you lowkey are though, we see you boy] Janis: [we all do, not her though so it's fine] Jimmy: [literally been here no time Jimothy, casual crush at first sight okay then] Janis: [we know you're both hot no hiding from that] Janis: how much trouble you get in? Jimmy: You've been here longer than me, have a guess Janis: ๐ค๐ค Janis: depends how much of a good mood the head was in ๐ฅด Jimmy: โ were half full Jimmy: might be ๐ฅ๐ฅ or ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฅ depending on his measures Janis: either way, bet you have to write him an apology Janis: always make you do that Jimmy: [shows her his ๐ฆ doodles all over said apology] Jimmy: โ Janis: ๐ sincere Jimmy: Am I supposed to invite him out for a ๐ฆ๐ or what? Janis: no Janis: he'll ๐ข and with his eye how it is now, might explode from the pressure Jimmy: can either handle a #ladsnightout or you can't Janis: poor shrimpy Janis: he looks better for the swelling, honestly Jimmy: might write me a thank you note Jimmy: been after a pen pal Jimmy: ๐ Janis: figures Jimmy: ? Janis: artistic Janis: prefer ๐ over ๐ฃ Jimmy: nah, just northern Jimmy: can barely write and I need the practice Janis: tell the head that, she can tell her bosses, and they'll get you out of detention Jimmy: ๐ Janis: success story โญ Jimmy: my dad will be dead proud Janis: buzzing Jimmy: what am I missing then? Janis: a sense of purpose? Janis: your keys? Janis: what? Jimmy: what ๐จ dickhead Janis: oh, what shrimpdick said? Janis: just more bollocks than I'd heard already Janis: if it were bad before, it's ๐ now Jimmy: you could've said ๐๐ were in there Janis: how was I supposed to know you'd show up Jimmy: what did you think I were gonna do? Janis: well, see him after school sounds a bit gay but Janis: not barge in to a lesson, obviously Jimmy: yeah I asked you for directions I weren't gonna use Janis: I thought you were bullshitting Jimmy: you're alright, there's nobody about to see me ๐ญ Janis: probably work in our favour once everyone else calms down Janis: reckons we're both gay so Janis: let her do the work with the ๐จ Jimmy: what were it you said? buzzing Jimmy: that'll be me Janis: ๐ Janis: you didn't get in proper shit, did you Jimmy: What's proper shit? Janis: like excluded level Janis: anything below that, not saying sorry for your ๐ญ Jimmy: weren't after a sorry off you any road Janis: ๐ Jimmy: and I never hit him that hard Janis: I know Janis: but he's being a right tart about it Janis: make more sense if he was good looking to start with Jimmy: ๐ฆ๐ Jimmy: you a vegetarian or what? Janis: hilarious ๐ Jimmy: ๐คก me Jimmy: it were you who said it Janis: 'cos my taste borders outside aquatic, I'm gay now, alright Jimmy: nowt to do with me Jimmy: literally Janis: you asked Jimmy: nah Janis: you just curious about my dietary needs Jimmy: if that's a crime, give Mia's dad a bell Janis: ๐ค๐ Janis: they're well pissed off rn, nothing else Jimmy: sod catholic school, don't even need it Jimmy: about to get into heaven off the back of that Janis: told 'em it weren't me that was getting #saved Jimmy: you wanna piss 'em off a bit more? Janis: obviously? Jimmy: Alright, what would? Jimmy: I'm here, you're there and we're ๐ Janis: you said no one's about? Jimmy: I did do Janis: a teachers showed? Jimmy: nah but that means they could in a bit Janis: fuck it Janis: hang on then Jimmy: ๐ค๐ Janis: [ask for a pissbreak, go to whatever room this is and take a #goals selfie for the first time] Jimmy: [love that because it makes the fake dating less out of the blue as a request so well done lads] Janis: [you're welcome] Janis: get more โคs than her she'll ๐ฅ Jimmy: I'd say challenge accepted but it ain't one Janis: ๐ฅบ when your boyfriend isn't as fit as you thought Jimmy: if you're doing that face since you've been back, you'll really sell the starcrossed lovers angle Jimmy: ๐ฅ Janis: ๐ translate just as well Jimmy: I get it, there's no oscar in your future Janis: fuck off Janis: it ain't hard Jimmy: couldn't hack the proposition of being in my ad, you Janis: that's different Janis: besides, tell me it won't be funnier to make her do it Jimmy: might be for the first 10 takes Janis: she gets to roleplay with daddy to rehearse she'll be ๐ Jimmy: SUCH a romantic, you Janis: just want her to be happy, like Jimmy: fuck her, I'm giving you the ๐ Janis: #blessed Jimmy: that's me, obvs Janis: no, you're #saved Janis: don't hog them all Jimmy: one #'s worth fuck all Jimmy: every dickhead knows you need to flood it Jimmy: bit biblical an' all, that Janis: you get sent her to get turned? Janis: hardcore conversion therapy Janis: here* Jimmy: not gay, just fit and mysterious Janis: ๐ Jimmy: gone right off ๐๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ก๐ ๐ but I don't reckon we can call that hardcore Jimmy: or much of a turn Janis: aren't supposed to eat shellfish actually, so God should be made up Jimmy: success story โญ Jimmy: like you said Janis: can go back to where you came from now Janis: in the nicest, non-racist way possible Jimmy: ๐ค Janis: ๐* Jimmy: tah my dear Janis: not ๐ ๐ but you get what you pay for Jimmy: ain't my fault the tip jar's got nowt in Jimmy: @๐๐ Janis: I remember Jimmy: she ain't changed her ways or owt recently, funny that Janis: she needs the #bornagain Janis: thank fuck she ain't got a dog Jimmy: Oi, what's El if not a service ๐? Janis: she walks herself enough though Jimmy: she does do laps round the table before she gets her โ Janis: not surprised Janis: beyond surprised she can still manage it without the heart attack, obvs Jimmy: ๐* Janis: deal with the ๐ Janis: gotcha Jimmy: if you can say fuck it today, why not, like? Janis: decent tagline Janis: I'll put it on the site Jimmy: good shout Jimmy: I were gonna say if you need ๐ธ for it, give me a shout an' all Janis: like IOU one ๐ selfie? Jimmy: sir ain't getting my nudes that easy Janis: gutted Jimmy: ๐ป๐๐ญ Jimmy: call it another deal with the ๐ if you want, mate, but I were being serious Jimmy: bagsied the ๐จ ages ago Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: was thinking, how do we piss her off more with this project Janis: without it being dead obvious that that's what we're doing Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: do you mean us or the #content? Janis: both Jimmy: what thoughts did you have? Janis: well, obviously we can't put in anything that she can run to sir with Janis: but, like the ad, you can edit it to be like one of those no win no fee things like you said Janis: shit like that Jimmy: Do you know what her dad actually looks like? Janis: hold on Janis: [finds his linkedin or whatever 'cos that bitch] Jimmy: ๐ฅ Janis: you reckon we could use his shit Janis: he has a website as well, can take bits of that as #inspiration Jimmy: few edits so it ain't LITERALLY his, bit of a parody, OMG she'll be fuming Janis: right, that's the VIBE Janis: could use his face but distort it, shadow it, put a bag over Janis: you know she'd know still Jimmy: I've been pissing about with hers an' all Jimmy: [shows her what he's been up to because he didn't have her father's deets] Janis: that's good Janis: on the same page on this one Janis: make 'em victims of medical negligence or something Janis: botched hair transplant Jimmy: ๐ Jimmy: dickheads sometimes put a ๐ review of their website, happy clients that sort of bollocks Janis: right Janis: and if we make her the lawyer she wants to be Janis: can't really complain Jimmy: she can't but not to sir Jimmy: can* Janis: that's all I care about Janis: she ain't gonna stop COMING for me ๐ญ Jimmy: or her man for me ๐ฑ๐ฑ Janis: soz I don't know what classes he takes so you can smack him and all Jimmy: he'll find me, unless they're both all mouth Janis: ๐คท Jimmy: *๐ค Janis: least the muscles are purely for show Jimmy: ๐ช๐ me Janis: mhmm Jimmy: so complimentary, you Jimmy: I get why your inbox is full Janis: don't need to be Janis: I'm the ๐ Jimmy: I'm taking back the one I gave you a bit ago for generosity or whatever bollocks it were Janis: I'll survive, mate Jimmy: ๐ dry your eyes and crack on Janis: enjoy your DMs Jimmy: Oi I'm illiterate remember, and there's no need to rub it in, Janet Janis: there'll be lots of pictures for you, no doubt Janis: get the gist real easy Jimmy: ๐คค๐คค๐๐ Jimmy: might be right about me being saved Janis: ๐ท GROSS Jimmy: we'll both live Jimmy: ๐๐ป Janis: real tragedy that Jimmy: give it a few years to get on the English curriculum Janis: not that you'll ever know Jimmy: might still be trying to pass it Janis: awh Jimmy: *๐คท Janis: i'm well concerned about your education Jimmy: HANG ON, is this NERD FLIRTING?!! ๐๐ค Jimmy: I'd heard loads about it Janis: have to see what ๐๐ reckons Jimmy: I'll @ her Janis: she'll love that Jimmy: [does obviously and sends her whatever response] Janis: good to know she's SO on board with this ๐ Janis: have to keep it up if she's gonna be so ๐ญ ๐ค Jimmy: if she can't have us, next best, obvs Janis: now she knows how poor Ella feels Jimmy: what the fuck is going on there? Janis: if she ain't in love with her idk Janis: she don't need her to buy her shit Jimmy: I'll have to @ her an' all Janis: fill your boots sherlock Janis: ๐ค it's a death cult naturally, so they take my sister with 'em Jimmy: sounds like a bit of me, that Jimmy: gutted I pissed off their leader Janis: well, you want a new ๐ she'll take you in and make you pay with ย ๐ฉธ๐ฅต๐ญ Jimmy: if it can start a gay teletubby scandal, might do something for me Janis: better rep than ๐ซ๐ Janis: probably Jimmy: what ain't? Janis: cheer Janis: s Janis: not the only one with an inbox full of hilarious 'better' offers Jimmy: you wanna go from ๐๐ to ๐๐๐ in 3 days that's your shout Jimmy: be a record around here at any rate Janis: I'll just do one when you get mixed messages and top yourself Jimmy: take it up with the 'better' offers, more of 'em you can take out, the 'better' this shithole would be Janis: no shit, like Janis: not that much of a slag, sadly Jimmy: you called me Sherlock, pointing out the bloody obvious is my job done Janis: go shoot up and go to your mind palace, like Jimmy: not that much of a druggie, sadly Janis: letdown Janis: said you were ๐ Jimmy: ๐ by ๐๐ standards is bound to be a letdown by yours, Jules Janis: understatement Jimmy: alright, bighead Janis: coming from you, that's almost a compliment Jimmy: I know Jimmy: you can stop fishing now Janis: piss off Jimmy: ๐ Janis: ๐๐๐ NEW BOY Jimmy: ๐ Janis: anything that reminds you of our glorious leader ๐ Jimmy: this teacher's โ breath is really doing it for me Janis: cruel and unusual punishment that Janis: tell socials you're being tortured Jimmy: start me a # Janis: #justiceforjimmy is catchy but you don't have a name so won't help Jimmy: @ Mia's dad for legal words beginning with n Jimmy: ๐ค he's got that far in the alphabet or you're on your own, girl Janis: I'll have to go for the cryptic #whereisnewboy Janis: not having ๐ on you must be well distressing for them anyway Jimmy: steady on though, sounds a bit like I've already ghosted you Jimmy: not very #goals that Janis: oh yeah Janis: ๐๐๐ Jimmy: ๐ on the boil or nowt Jimmy: ๐๐ rule 1 Janis: I'll think on it then ๐ป boy Jimmy: ๐ Janis: #getghostboyout Janis: how long did you actually get in there? Jimmy: #bustoutghostboy Janis: lowkey suggestive Jimmy: ๐ป๐ป๐ป๐ป๐ป๐ป๐ป Jimmy: right, they'll LOVE that Janis: [pisstakey socials] Jimmy: [replies that are lowkey suggestive because we know we've started something] Janis: [when you don't even know what you're doing but you're doing IT] Jimmy: [god bless you both]
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