#earlier? when you weren't ready to lop people's heads off with your sharp fucking tongue? i just don't get it

[sheogorad]

listen. listen. i know that my way of reacting to my own anger isn’t great. i get very quiet when i am usually pretty talkative, and i am conflict avoidant so i am silent and kinda just shut down. this isn’t great. it’s not ideal and it’s not healthy. however. perhaps it is just me. but that is preferable to taking your anger out on other people. neglecting to tell someone that they did something that you did not like, then exploding at them when you are having a bad day (while also proclaiming (still in the most horrible, mean, scathing tone possible) that you’re not actually angry at them) seems to me like a worse alternative to shutting down and being quiet. is staying silent and shutting down good? no. but does it allow time to go away and think then come back? yes. exploding at someone ends up hurting the person you explode at and further alienates you from them. you make it clear that you are not someone to be trusted and instead someone to be avoided. and i would know this because i used to explode. i hurt and alienated people by doing so. do i still have a lot to learn when it comes to dealing with my own anger and how i shut down? yes. is it a good way of dealing with high intensity emotions? no. but am i taking out my anger on people by shutting down? no. and i think that makes a big fucking difference

#i hold IMMEASURABLE rage inside of me and yet i manage to not be a complete fucking asshole to the people around me when i have a bad day #AGAIN. i am very aware that my way of dealing with anger is not healthy! it comes from a place of trauma! #i have literally been punished for having emotions all my life. ESPECIALLY anger. so i have made myself push it down so fucking deep #that it rarely sees the light of day. and when it does i apologize profusely because it's not cool to be an asshole when you feel bad #i do not have the ideal or best way of dealing with my emotions and my rage and that's just a fact. i'm aware of this okay #but i just think that it's better than letting your anger control you so much that you're just an asshole when you're having a bad day #and like you neglect to say that you're upset about something and then explode when you're having a bad day? why didn't you just say so #earlier? when you weren't ready to lop people's heads off with your sharp fucking tongue? i just don't get it #how is this a good method. how do you feel better coming away from this than you would just saying how you feel when you're not already mad #how the fuck do you expect the people around you to like and trust y #ou when you act like this? i am going to fucking avoid you now like you just made it clear that i should steer fucking clear y #of you man. fucks sake like... i'm just so tired. i think anger triggers me too like i really can't deal with this shit and the TONE #how do people not understand tone. i literally don't fucking care what your excuse is. we have the internet learn basic conversational #etiquette dude. how you use y #our tone can determine so much about the meaning of your fucking words man. it's the difference between a bigass hat #and a big asshat #anyway. this is a personal vent so sorry about all this but not because this is my house and you followed me so #i need to vent and i am fucking angry so yeah. i need to sleep now though so goodnight #cian's ted talks