#dwelling eternally on the supremely accurate salon article title 'in 1969 the fifth beatle was heroin'

[sounwise]

[…] On the plane returning to London, after walking out on the Maharishi, John began drinking heavily and told Cynthia of all the other women he had slept with during their marriage: the groupies and the whores but in particular the ones she knew personally, her friends and the wives of friends. When he got back to Kenwood, he went on an orgy of drink and drugs, mostly LSD, trying to bury the thoughts and feelings that the meditation had allowed to rise to the surface. [*] The meditation had essentially precipitated a nervous breakdown, which was not helped by John’s tremendous drug intake. On 18 May 1968, he summoned a meeting of the Beatles at Apple and announced to them that he was Jesus Christ, a revelation that they accepted with equanimity. This was before the plague of acid casualties, but it was obvious that John was literally going off his head and the others were very worried about him. Yoko meanwhile had been keeping up her relentless flow of postcards and letters. The night after he told the other Beatles that he was the Saviour, he finally called Yoko and told her to come over. They took acid together and spent the evening recording the electronic collage later released as Two Virgins before making love for the first time. [...] No sooner had they got together than John and Yoko were strung out on heroin. Yoko first encountered heroin when the Beatles were away in India. John had already been introduced to it by Robert Fraser, who, though unsuccessful in persuading Paul of the delights of junkie life, had much better luck with John. India had left John in a delicate and shaky state; heroin would take the pain away. Fortunately John had the strength to kick it eventually but like many junkies, he had trouble admitting to himself that he was hooked—sniffing is no different from injecting as far as addiction goes—and he blamed his addiction on other people. John told Jann Wenner: ‘I never injected it or anything. We sniffed a little when we were in real pain. We got such a hard time from everyone, and I’ve had so much thrown at me and at Yoko, especially at Yoko … We took H because of what the Beatles and others were doing to us. But we got out of it.’ John and Yoko began spending a lot of time with Robert Fraser.

[—from Paul McCartney: Many Years From Now, Barry Miles]

*Cynthia’s description of the events in this period is somewhat different, but generally in the same vein:

In April, after returning from Rishikesh:

Back at Kenwood John continued to be distant towards me. Now that we were away from the others and the charms of India, I felt increasingly afraid and depressed. John and I were back in the same bed, but the warmth and passion we had shared for so long were absent. John seemed barely to notice me. He was little better with Julian and was more likely to snap at him than give him a hug. There was just one moment of real warmth between us and that was, ironically, when John confessed to me that he had been unfaithful. We were in the kitchen when he said, out of the blue, ‘There have been other women, you know, Cyn.’ I was taken aback, but touched by his honesty. ‘That’s OK,’ I told him. He came over to where I was standing beside the sink and put his arms round me. ‘You’re the only one I’ve ever loved, Cyn,’ he said, and kissed me. ‘I still love you and I always will.’ A couple of weeks later John suggested that I join Magic Alex, Jennie, Donovan and Gypsy on a two-week holiday in Greece. I told him I didn’t want to go without him. Apart from those rare occasions when I had taken Mum and Julian away because he was working, we had never spent holidays apart. ‘I’ve got a lot on at the moment and I can’t go, but you should. It might cheer you up,’ he said. I was uncertain, but he persisted and in the end I decided to go. John was busy writing songs for the Beatles new album, The Beatles, better known after its release as the White Album. […] Cheered by the hope that John might miss me, and the prospect of a change, I left for Greece. Julian had gone to stay with Dot’s family and John was lying on our bed when I left. He was in the almost trance-like state I’d seen many times before and barely turned his head to say goodbye.

Two weeks later, after Cynthia returned home to find John and Yoko in the living room at Kenwood:

It was evening before John and I had a chance to talk. I had to steel myself for the confrontation we would usually avoid to ask him what was happening with Yoko. ‘Oh, her?’ he said, as if surprised that I’d asked. ‘Nothing, it’s not important.’ ‘We have to talk, John,’ I told him. ‘Please don’t pretend that nothing’s happening.’ Eventually we did talk, perhaps more honestly and in more depth than we had since our student days. We talked of our failings and faults, our love for each other, our hopes and dreams. John talked again about his other women, and insisted that Yoko was no more important than they had been. ‘It’s you I love, Cyn,’ he said. ‘I love you now more than I ever have before.’ That night we went to bed and made love, and my bruised heart felt lighter. The John I had spent the evening with and in whose arms I lay was so completely different from the man who had stared at me impassively as he sat with Yoko in the sunroom that it was hard to accept that they were the same person. Had he been on drugs? I knew he was dabbling again since his disenchantment with the Maharishi. Only drugs could explain how he had behaved. In fact, John had never completely renounced drugs. While we were in India my mother had found a stash of LSD he’d hidden at home and had flushed it down the loo. When he discovered what she’d done he was furious, but he couldn’t confront her without admitting that he used it so he had to keep quiet. For the next few days all seemed well. John was in a good mood, Julian was happy to have us around and I was daring to hope that we had got through the worst. John and I had several more honest talks. He talked about his need to explore new avenues and I told him that I knew I couldn’t always share them with him. I was very much the girl I had always been, happy to be at home, a wife and mother. I had grown more independent over the years, but I was essentially the same. John had changed a great deal and was searching in new directions for answers in his life. Talking brought us closer. We agreed that we wanted to go forward together, despite our differences. After all, we had always been different and it had worked for us for ten years. Why should it not for the next ten? I felt determined once more to make my marriage work. But this brief happy respite soon ended. John was due to go to the States with Paul on a business trip in connection with Apple. I suggested that I go with him. It seemed to me that if we were going to remain close we should spend more time together. And a trip to New York would be fun. John’s answer was a flat no. He refused to look at me or discuss it. I felt my stomach tighten: he was distancing himself from me again. Over the next few days he was irritable and withdrawn, and I felt a rising sense of panic because I couldn’t reach him. I didn’t want to be left alone in the house, waiting and wondering, while he was away, so I asked him if he would mind me taking my mother and Julian to Italy for two weeks. ‘Yeah, sure,’ he replied.

(During which trip John informed her he was leaving her for Yoko.)

[—from John, Cynthia Lennon]

#dwelling eternally on the supremely accurate salon article title 'in 1969 the fifth beatle was heroin' #in 1968 too alas #john lennon #yoko ono #robert fraser #the beatles #the white album sessions #1968 #paul mccartney: many years from now #many years from now #barry miles #john (book) #cynthia lennon #john and drugs #john and robert fraser