#clay tercesverse

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whenever i feel down i just think about max-ernest forcing baby clay to watch citizen kane

#i can’t believe film snob max-ernest is canon he’s so fucking funny #the secret series #the bad books #bad magic #max-ernest tercesverse #paul-clay tercesverse

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something something max-ernest saying that he will probably have two names for the rest of his life because he associates his double names with his parents vs clay dropping his second name as soon as he can because he associates his double names with his brother

#max-ernest finding out that pc just goes by clay now: you can just do that???? #these two make me so miserable jesus christ #max-ernest tercesverse #paul-clay tercesverse #the secret series #the bad books #kiran.txt

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#redid it so it would have a longer duration #kiran.txt #the secret series #this isn't what it looks like #max-ernest tercesverse #paul-clay tercesverse

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ok i am going to go throw up now!

#WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS????? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????? HUHHH?????????????? #i genuinely thought that the person who'd recognize the other first would be clay but ughh the idea that he's trying to deny it #from the moment he sits down. it can't really be him. not now not here not after so long and yet!! #also would max-ernest have ever even noticed clay was there if he and his friends hadn't brought attention to themselves? #id like to think that he would have but. i suppose we'll never know #kiran.txt #the bad books #bad luck #bad luck liveblog #paul-clay tercesverse #max-ernest tercesverse

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OH THANK FUCKING GOD

#rsimon you really got me there..... #kiran.txt #the bad books #bad luck #bad luck liveblog #leira tercesverse #mira tercesverse #paul-clay tercesverse

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pb is so fucking funny for this

#this is this books equivalent to pb taking every possible opportunity to hype up/defend clay in bad magic #and then going “well i guess im a bit biased though” #the bad books #bad luck #bad luck liveblog #pseudonymous bosch #max-ernest tercesverse

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if the sun won't rise 'til the summertime

in which mr cabbage face survives and also teaches baby clay swear words. yeah i don't know what's happening here either

Read on AO3

Mr. Cabbage Face had dug himself out of a grave twice before, so in all honesty, it shouldn’t be that surprising that he managed to do it a third time.

Alright, maybe it took a little longer this time, but that was only because of the insanely massive boulder he had to dig around. Because of this, he had created an unreasonably complicated tunneling system that would have been a great tourist attraction if he hadn’t been collapsing the tunnels behind him (just in case something else tried to escape).

When, after what felt like an eternity, he finally stuck his head out into the open air, the sun was beginning to set. The air smelled like wildflowers and rain. The snow he remembered from the day he’d fallen had long, long since melted.

The homunculus took a deep, shaking breath, sat in the grass, and watched the sky fade into a million stars.

(He didn’t know how long he’d spent down there— all he remembered was hunger and tiredness and so much dirt. But he knew, deep down, that he shouldn’t have survived it. He should have suffocated, died of starvation or dehydration, anything. He should have died.

Could he have died? Was it even possible? 

Man, humans these days really had no idea how lucky they were.)

–

Rebuilding his old life (or a semblance of it, at least) took a while. But as spring turned to summer, he’d found a new corner of the woods to call home and had mostly gone back to his routine of stealing food from unsuspecting campgoers.

It was while stealing said food (thank goodness people were stupid enough to bring their fancy wines while camping) from said unsuspecting campgoers (asleep in their bright orange tent), however, that he ran into the toddler. Now, normally Mr. Cabbage Face liked toddlers. They were little impressionable chaotic geniuses, not to mention the fact that he didn’t have to look up when he talked to them. But this one wasn’t doing anything, just staring at him— probably, if Cabbage Face had to guess, wondering why that weird thing in front of it was so grubby and wrinkly.

“Uh,” said the homunculus, slightly unsettled by all the staring. “How’re you doing, kid?”

The toddler’s face suddenly broke into a wide, toothy grin. “I’m great!”

“That’s nice. I’m Cabbage Face. It’s, er…” Oh, great. The toddler was staring at him again. He was failing at human small talk. Maybe he should have stayed in the hole. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too!”

The sun was rising over the mountains now, he noticed. Any minute, the unsuspecting campgoers in their bright orange tent would wake up. “Why don’t you follow me, kid? I’ll show you something really cool.”

–

One of Cabbage Face’s favorite pastimes — or former pastimes, at least — was teaching small children swear words. He couldn’t quite explain why. Maybe it was because of the hilarious looks on adults’ faces when said small children demonstrated what they had been taught. 

All this to say, he had gotten through several new words with the toddler before he heard a voice calling frantically, and then saw a boy, maybe fifteen, burst into the clearing.

(Unfortunately for him, the last time they’d met, the homunculus had been so focused at the time on having found the Jester’s heir that he hadn’t paid much attention to her companions.)

“PC! There you are, I was looking everywhere for you, you honestly gave me a heart attack— I mean, I didn’t actually get a heart attack, it was a metaphor—”

The boy cut himself off, noticing the homunculus for the first time with a mixture of recognition, surprise, disbelief, and plain confusion.

“This is my friend, Package Face!” said PC.

The boy continued to stand frozen in wide-eyed shock.

Cabbage Face groaned. “I was just about to get into the five-letter ones. Well…” He then, taking the opportunity to leave the scene, sprinted off, yelling “I was never here!” behind him.

–

Five weeks and three days later, the toddler, in an elevator coming back from the dentist,  demonstrated one of the new words his friend Package Face had taught him. Very loudly.

But of course, you knew all that already.

–

Some time after the incident with the toddler, the homunculus awoke to find Cass sitting on a tree stump in his little clearing.

She awkwardly waved at him. “Hey, Cabbage Face.”

“That’s Mister Cabbage Face to you, kid.”

Cass laughed. “Man, when Max-Ernest told me that you were still out there and you hadn’t actually gotten crushed to death by a giant boulder, I thought he was kidding. But seeing you here, it’s just…” She gestured vaguely to him, in front of her and very much alive. “I don’t even know.”

“Well, I suppose you must be thankful to have someone so wonderful back in your life, hm?” He said it jokingly, but it felt sour.

“Yeah, I guess,” she responded quietly.

Cass propped her elbow on her knee and leaned forward, thinking. “You know, I tried calling you for weeks. I didn’t want to believe that you were– I would have come back up here and looked for you, but I was grounded, so… sorry.”

The homunculus moved to sit next to her. “You probably wouldn’t have found me anyway.”

“Shut up.” Sitting next to her like this, Cass seemed even taller; she must have grown in the time since he’d last seen her. “You know, the Terces Society was looking for you too.”

He snorted. “The Terces Society?” The Terces Society, or at least the modern semblance of it, was a joke, too preoccupied with the principle of secret-keeping to actually do anything useful. How on earth, he’d asked once, was one supposed to protect something without knowing what it was?

But Cass was a member of the Terces Society, and Cass had her head on straight. She had hopefully made the Terces Society at least start making sense.

And she was the heir of the Jester, which meant that, in the strange, asinine rituals of the Terces Society, she was the only one who knew about the Other Side. Or at least the only one who was supposed to know– god, how the hell could anyone be the supreme arbiter of who did and didn’t know a thing? It was completely nonsensical!

Cass nudged him, frowning. “What’re you thinking about?”

“Just how stupid the Terces Society is,” he grumbled truthfully.

“Well, they’re not that bad. Maybe I could smuggle you out again and you could meet them!”

Cabbage Face jumped. “No, don’t you dare, that backpack was so cramped–”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” Upon seeing his expression, Cass grew more serious. “You don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. But I could bring some of them up here next time I come visit— and I am visiting again, by the way.”

He smiled despite himself. “There’s really no need, but… that’s nice to know. I’m sure they’re all much more annoying than you anyway.”

Cass snorted. “Now that’s just rude. I’m like the only person you’ve ever talked to in hundreds of years. Well, other than Max-Ernest and Yoji, I guess—”

“Are those your two teenybopper sidekicks? You know, the one with the hair and then the— the one with the hair?”

“I have to tell them you called them that.”

“Well, that’s all I remember of them. They weren’t very memorable.”

“You know, I’m gonna tell them you said that too. And I’ll bring them up here and force you to become best friends with them— and you know what, I’ll tell Max-Ernest to bring PC with him too, he’s been crying for weeks about how much he misses his new friend Package Face…”

As Cass created a detailed itinerary of everyone she’d bring up to meet him, the homunculus moved to sit more comfortably, breathe in the cool air, feel the warmth of the sun on his face. The future. A future, something beyond waiting, forever, alone in the mountains with only his duty. It was a nice thought, for once.

#kiran writes #the secret series #mr cabbage face #cassandra tercesverse #paul-clay tercesverse #max-ernest tercesverse

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oh there is NO WAY max-ernest's magic show is named now you see him now you don't. i see what you did there rsimon. cause he disappeared. haha wow that's so funny (i am incredibly distraught)

#and now he and clay are on the SAME SHIP #if they run into eachother it's gonna be painful but it might actually be more painful if they don't...... #either way im going to die #max-ernest tercesverse #the bad books #bad luck #bad luck liveblog #kiran.txt

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do we HAVE to do this right now. can we sort out the interpersonal issues another time. like, i don't know........ never?? i just don't want romantic clay/mira OR clay/leira. they're completely unnecessary and just feel wrong

#kiran.txt #leira tercesverse #mira tercesverse #paul-clay tercesverse #the bad books #bad luck #bad luck liveblog

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currently reeling from the straight clay confirmation. anyway how are all of you doing

#kiran.txt #the bad books #paul-clay tercesverse #my bi clay truther self is screaming and crying and such

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the clay-brett-flint teamup is genuinely something i never knew i needed in my life. they’re the daddy issues trio

#paul-clay tercesverse #brett perry jr #flint tercesverse #kiran.txt #the bad books #bad luck #bad luck liveblog

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anyway i hope we can all agree that raphael simon is wrong and clay is not straight. i’m holding onto my bi clay hc until i die

#kiran.txt #the bad books #paul-clay tercesverse

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what on earth are they doing with a dragon army???? how does that help them find the secret??? flint is probably not the best source given how little he actually knows about the midnight sun but um. i guess that makes sense *shrugs*

#flint tercesverse #paul-clay tercesverse #midnight sun #the bad books #bad luck #bad luck liveblog #kiran.txt

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flint redemption arc??? FLINT REDEMPTION ARC???

#if flint dies i am suing i trust you rsimon!! #flint tercesverse #paul-clay tercesverse #brett perry jr #the bad books #bad luck #bad luck liveblog #kiran.txt

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kfdfghjfd i love that they’re basically like

#brett perry jr #paul-clay tercesverse #apologies for the art it's bad i know #the bad books #bad luck #bad luck liveblog #kiran.txt

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man clay and brett have to deal with a possibly bloodthirsty dragon, they fail to save said possibly bloodthirsty dragon, brett has to confront his shitty dad, and now they’re trapped in a cave...... these kids really can never win huh

#also goodbye chapter 15... you were so long but you truly had everything #paul-clay tercesverse #brett perry jr #the bad books #bad luck #bad luck liveblog #kiran.txt