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beautifulhigh · 1 year

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I have a question for you that I really hope you'll answer. But if you think it might start discourse you'd rather avoid, I understand if you ignore this.

So I love both OG and LS and I follow a bunch of popular blogs in both fandoms. but so many of those folks watch only one of the two shows and are pretty rude about the other one, by insulting cast members and making fun of even the popular well-received storylines. often they don't tag such posts in any particular way so there's no way to filter those out. I sent a few of them asks requesting if they'd tag such posts. Some agreed to but they haven't actually done it. I've seen you interact in a pretty friendly way with some of those accounts and I'm wondering, how do you do it? Everyone always says to unfollow but I genuinely don't want to miss out on the other posts these ppl share. I enjoy those other posts. It's just these particular posts that diss the shows that I want to avoid but can't. I've tried ignoring it, I've tried laughing it off, but I don't think I'm very good at managing my emotions because I always still end up feeling low and negative when I see such posts. How do you manage to interact with people with opinions you clearly don't share? I'd really appreciate any tips. I really don't want to withdraw from these two fandoms but I don't know how to remain while also maintaining a healthy emotional state.

Firstly, I'm sorry this has happened to you. I really am. And I want to stress that this reply is 100% around my experience and the way I have curated my fandom experience, and YMMV. I hope that it doesn't vary too much but this is how I deal with it. I'm going to tag a few people in this, people who I have on my dash, purely to illustrate the diversity and how you can approach things.

I'm also going to pre-empt things and say that if you read a line and you get mad at me for that one line, I want you to do two things. Firstly, I want you to go outside and touch grass. Secondly, I want you to maybe read the full thing and engage some level of critical thinking before you start yelling at me that I'm being inconsiderate because you have a grass allergy so how DARE I tell you to go touch grass?

Also, because I want this to have a bit of a reach and I know people do curate their dashes, I'm going to be a bit sneaky with how I refer to things to actively circumvent any filters. Should make sense what I'm actually referring to but if you're not sure then please ask.

Step one

Curate your experience. I mean this. One of the few joys of this hellsite is that you are in control over your dash. You can't control who people on your dash reblog but you can start with who is on your dash. If you don't want to block anyone then you can filter by blog names and install add ons like Tumblr Savior.

Step two

Remember why you're on this hellsite in the first place. Chances are it's for fandom purposes. And, given the premise of your ask, I'm going to focus on the TV element of it. So you're here because you like one or both of the weewoo shows and you want to share thoughts and ideas and reblogs of gif sets of people who are WAY too pretty to just be out there like normal people. And because we're hardwired that way, we want to seek connections with people. So we follow blogs and we talk to people and we have our mutuals and we message then and chat with them and we develop relationships with them because we all watch the same TV show.

But – and this is the point that I think a lot of fandom forgets. It's a fucking TV show. That's it. A silly little show which is 99% designed for entertainment and distraction. I am not ignoring the fact that there will be parts of both shows which have impact above and beyond the show, but Ryan Murphy et al did not set out to make shows with the primary goals of changing people's lives.

It is a TV show. It isn't actually life or death. So the first thing you need to ask yourself I have represented in a nice little flow chart with ALT text:

Negative and hateful ideas

Yes, it's a TV show. But that doesn't stop shitty people saying shitty things. I love that both OG and LS have a diverse cast. I love that both of them explore difficult issues such as addiction and a sense of self-worth. I love that both of them have characters who are tragedy magnets and are both dealing with an entire back story of guilt and grief and a sense of failure and so we are rooting for them to find the self-worth that we know they deserve. Is this Evan? Tyler Kennedy? Both of them? Maybe Eduado, or Carlos? Both captains have their tragedy stories.

But what I'm talking about here is people making comments that are, no matter your views or stances, way out of line. Be them about the characters or the actors, you know exactly the kind that I mean. Commenting on the ethnicity, gender, sexuality of characters/actors. Making statements about race or religion. The Big Stuff that most of us know is way out of line.

So if someone is hating on "Buddy" because one of them is of Latinex descent? Screw you, step on a Lego. If you're hating on "Tarlus" because both of the actors are queer? You can fuck right off now. If you dislike Hen's storylines because she's a proud, queer black woman? Sit on a spike. If you want Paul to shut up and go away because he's trans? Walk off a short pier.

If you wish Owen had less seggsy and screen time? You'll find friends in both camps! But that's about the character and the storytelling.

A good rule of thumb is: can it be changed? If no, don't be a bitch about it. Oliver can't change his birthmark, Alisha can't change her skin colour, Rafael can't change his sexuality, Brian can't change his gender identity.

But they could write "Buddy" as queer. They could write Owen not drooling over some woman. And so we are going to have and express opinions over this.

We know where those lines are and those are the ones we have to draw. We have to shut down those voices and make it clear that they are not welcome because a) we need to make sure there are more safe spaces than there aren't, and b) we need to send the message that this kind of hate isn't OK.

Now where fandom seems to have an issue is where it comes to different opinions. This is because we equate what we like with who we are, and for many people fandom is a part of their identity as a person. There are so many reasons for this – good and otherwise. You see yourself represented in the show, the characters. The storylines resonate with you. It got you through the worst time in your life. You met amazing people because of it. Fandom is a good thing, it truly is, and it exists BECAUSE people take shows and characters and storylines to heart.

So if you come at the fandom then it feels like you're under attack. But you're not. Have another flow chart, also with alt text.

And I'm going to tag my wonderful friend @capseycartwright in this because she hates LS with a passion. I would go so far as to say it's probably visceral? Still follow her, still love her, and I still read her "Buddy" fics because she's an amazing writer. And the reason for this is because there isn't a single comment she makes about LS that is personal or hateful or spiteful. She just doesn't like it.

Now even if she did make a post saying "anyone who watches LS is dumb" I'll still follow her. Because if I follow my flow chart, even though I would call her a friend and maybe say I know her? She's not someone I'm related to and I don't have to deal with her on the day to day. Also she's not saying "Jen is dumb for liking LS". Even if she was, still not related so whatevs.

I'm also going to tag @paperstorm who isn't an OG fan, doesn't watch it at all, isn't at all shy in expressing her opinions on anything. If OG stuff crosses her dash she doesn’t engage. [Edited to clarify]

Now when @capseycartwright makes a post about LS, one of two things happen. Most of the time I just keep on scrolling. She's expressing her opinion about a show she doesn't watch, doesn't like, and has picked up on something that she's commenting on. She's not saying anything awful that would be picked up on the first flow chart so why do I care? I'm not going to get her to change her mind and honestly? It doesn't matter if she does or she doesn't.

I may comment – like I did on her wedding post – if I feel I can offer something to help explain something. She posted about "Tarlus" not cancelling the wedding so, as someone who has watched the episodes and had the information, I pointed out that they were absolutely going to do that but even the grieving widow was all for them having it go ahead.

The trick here is to be respectful. If I come at her with "well ACTUALLY" then it's not going to work. I just dropped in, said my bit, then left. People are still going to think the wedding shouldn't have happened - hell, there's people in the LS fandom who feel like that.

Could it have been written differently? Yes. So opinions get to be had and respected so long as they're respectful, as per the first flow chart.

We can debate if they should have gotten married in the episode. I'm not debating their right to get married.

When @paperstorm responds to an OG ask about something, same principle. Is she being hateful? No. Can I add anything to help explain/clarify? If yes, do it then move on. [Edited for clarity]

Be the change etc etc

If I wanted to start a fight, I could drop into the tags "OMG Buddy/Tarlus is awful and the characters deserve so much better". And people who have made fandom a huge part of who they are will take that a lot more to heart than people who haven't. Only you know where you fall on that spectrum.

Most people are not going to change their minds. I'm not going to be able to convince @capseycartwright that Tarlus are endgame and get her signed up to the "Peaches and Cherries" crew. I'm not going to convince @paperstorm that the OG crew are a wonderful example of how the love of your found family can help you rebuild and find strength with your blood family. And neither of them are going to convince me to bail on the other show!

Fandom doesn't recruit through arguments. Fandom recruits through gif sets and fics and metas and all of the good stuff that comes out of enjoying a show. Fandom grows through people sharing their love of a show and the characters involved in it. It doesn't recruit and it doesn't grow through arguments.

So if people are saying stuff you don't agree with, so long as they are not hurting anyone? Let them. Why are you ruining your peace and your enjoyment yelling into the wind? If you don't follow them and you're only coming across them because they are tagging their hate so it shows in the tags, then realise they're doing it to get the reaction from you. I'm not letting that petty win so I will keep on scrolling. And if it's on my dash? Well then I will just check that they've not decided to indulge in some -ism statements, and then I will keep on scrolling.

Because fandom is supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be uplifting. And there is enough shit out there in the world right now without yucking someone else's yum. Even if you don't understand it. (I don't understand how anyone can eat mushrooms, but I'm not running around a restaurant knocking them off people's plates.)

We like different things. We like what others dislike. And there are so many ways for you to find room and balance those things in your life if you want to. If they don't want to then that's their issue, not yours. Think about the friends you have IRL – do you share every single interest with them? Some of my closest friends are huge Drag Race fans, but not once have I had an issue with them discussing it in our group chat or making plans which exclude me for them to go and see shows.

I don't care that @capseycartwright is a huge Buddy fan. She loves them, it brings her joy, and so I love that for her. I love that she has something in this world which brings her enjoyment, even if I don't share it.

I don't care that @paperstorm doesn't like OG, and I'm pretty certain she doesn't care that I do.

What I do care about is whether it matters in the grand scheme of things. And honestly? More of fandom doesn't matter in the Big Picture than does. It matters when we use it to do great things. It matters when it helps people feel seen and heard and represented. It doesn't matter when your ship isn't canon/gets married.

tl;dr – if people are being deliberately shitty then the block button is your friend. Otherwise, why does it matter if someone has a different opinion to you?

I know this has gotten stupid long, but I wanted to do it justice because you seem to be struggling with it. And if you ever want to talk to me off anon then please do.

#fandom talk #jen answers stuff #anonymous #not tagging shows or ships #because I don't want this caught in blacklists

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almondscroissant · 2 years

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Do you ever get lonely? How do you deal with loneliness? I have a SO, but absolutely no friends and I don't want to smother my SO, but it's so difficult to make friends as an adult :/ I just want some friends that would like to spend time with me, but not talk shit about other ppl? I feel like everyone I try to be friends with ends up wanting to gossip/talk shit about others and I'm not about that? Sorry, I'm venting in your ask box :/

Firstly, hello friend 💖 and so sorry for taking so long to respond to this!

Secondly, YES. I absolutely do get lonely. I think everyone does at certain points. I feel like I'm in a place in life where my friends are all in these transitional stages, whether it's moving, or getting into more committed, romantic relationships, or even having babies! And I'm not doing any of those things lol, so life just naturally comes between us sometimes. And I couldn't agree more with you about how difficult it is making friends as an adult. At least there are apps for dating! 😭

I guess I don't really know how I deal with it? Well, to be honest, in those moments I typically just focus on things that calm me down or make me happy, like watching something, reading, playing a video game. But I'm not sure if that's dealing so much as distracting lol. It does help, though! What also helps is something I read here on Tumblr: that our lives have ups and downs and everything is cyclical. We'll have years where our time is bursting with friends and others when things are quieter, more solitary or, as I like to think of it, things get sort of boiled down to the most essential people in your life. This has very much happened to me, so I choose to believe!

I've also found that investing time in my hobbies and passions can help. Like, taking a class or joining a book club, even if it's a virtual one. (I met a very good friend in an online writing class a few years ago, so I speak from experience, I swear!) Even if there aren't any deep connections being formed, sometimes just interacting with and being around other people can be fulfilling. At the bonus is doing something you love!

I'm also in therapy, which is helpful as well. My therapist isn't my friend, but it's nice to have an outlet for my thoughts and feel like there's an impartial, non-judgmental voice in my life who's also on my team.

ANYWAY. All of that to say that loneliness is such a natural feeling. So I hope you're not beating yourself up about it or feeling undeserving of friendship. And you definitely don't have to ever apologize for coming to my inbox! You sound like such a lovely, self-aware, compassionate person, and the fact that you're specifically seeking out healthy and positive relationships says so much about you. Your people are out there! I know it!

So please don't put too much pressure on yourself. I guess my advice is to lead with love. Do what makes you happy, where other people who love those same things are, and maybe it'll spark something new. In the meantime, be good to yourself and nurture the relationships you do have. More is out there waiting for you! I'm wishing you all the very best 💖💖💖

#back in my babbling era #seriously anon this topic means a lot to me so i probably talked and talked and made no sense #but i'm thinking of you!!!! and hoping things are better today than when you sent this!!!!!#you really do sound like a wonderful person so i know friendship will find you <3

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myjunkisyuzuruhanyu · 3 years

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it just saddens me how "hating-uno-shoma" has become a gateway to fs stan twt,,,, like you can't be accepted to fs stan twt if you don't actively trashtalk shooms every single living minute,,, i've been wanting to make an account now that i'm actively watching fs again but tbh i gotta preserve my sanity first

I know this may be the feeling when you just look into fs twt and some big popular accounts with many followers - hence many likes - hence the tweets who get presented as popular. But don't be sad this is not representative for the whole FS fandom on twt or any other SNS.

I can't tell you FS Twitter is a good place, it's not, but don't believe there are no Shoma fans there. There is a big part of FS Twitter who still loves and supports Shoma very much. I can name you accounts to block and to follow to live a peaceful Shoma fan life if you wish. I do it myself and have fun on FS Twitter, you just have to do self care and not look into the hater accounts.

I didn't see much negative stuff because I know which accounts to block and I also got blocked in return.

And tbh most of those haters, hated him long time ago when he was close to beating Yuzu at 2017 Worlds. Some of them hold a grudge for very long. There are also those ppl - fired up originally by Ambesi - who trashtalk his technique - that admittedly is far from ideal - and started to call him cheater. But this was all on the judging site, so they couldn't lull other ppl into believing he is a bad guy. In 2019 things changed with the one thing he said - I have talked about it many times already and am not going to repeat it time and time again, imo it was blown a lot out of proportion and also not looked at with context - sadly some ppl don't want to have the full story - so they canceled him so here we are.

Imo there are a few big accounts who remind ppl time and time again of the evil Shoma Uno everytime he competes or gets any kind of positive attention like ppl cooing over his dogs etc. Imo these must be miserable and masochistic ppl to watch and follow someone they hate so much. I mean in the end even if I believe someone is a bad person, it doesn’t make him/her a bad skater undeserving of medaling. Wild concept I know.

I think this one sentence speaks volumes about the state of FS Twitter "we need to uncancel Shoma" this was said by supposedly haters at SkAm. They don't hate him, they are just afraid they get blocked and lose some of their "precious" hater friends, because they know some of them make their twt experience a hell of a living. I am very sure many of the FS fans in general don't have a problem with Shoma at all, but if you wanna get "popular" on FS twt and get followers you need to "cancel" ppl (not only Shoma, but Vincent, Nathan, Mariah Bell etc.) or just not talk about them at all.

I also even know accounts who said "I wouldn't say a word about Shoma because I don't want to get in trouble, but I love him and his skating." So much for "everyone hates him". Well...NO we don't.

I also saw that turn of "trying to be popular" on twt with a Tumblr acc here, who talked positively to me in messages about Shoma and on Twt she is one of the ppl who gets involved into trash talks about Shoma. I dunno if she is serious or just trying to fit in, just that this is very different from the way she talked to me before and she knew the Shoma issue since 2019, but only in 2021 decided to be a "hater".

One thing I see with Shoma haters is that these are mostly young women or teenagers who don't have much life experience and feel personally insulted or try to fit in just like in real life or believe everything they are told. So maybe one day they realize that the world isn't black and white and skaters are ppl with faults and backgrounds and that cancel culture is not allowing growth for anyone - the hated and the hater.

I believe if you're grown up and have work and a life and FS is only your hobby - a precious one but a hobby - , there is no time or need to fit into a virtual world full of toxic remarks on who to hate and who to like. And we all know being grown-up isn't always about age.

I probably could have answered this shortly, but anyway I mean what I write...😅 (this is my biggest problem on twt, the size limit of tweets)

These are my personal observations in the FS fandom, so others experience might differ. But one thing is sure in social media you have to find your safe heaven.

#shoma uno #replies #Twitter remains hell but let's support shoma there as well

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