#but henrique makes me feel like the ocean like the girl that loved the ocean and wanted to learn how to surf so bad and it's safe around men

[deepend-swimmer]

to be very honest with all lovers tropes, being in love with your best friend is very much a bummer when it's unrequited

#it just is alright #like yeah i love him as my best friend yada yada but i still long for something else and i'm not gonna get that but i also can't let go #sometimes it's consuming you know? i know i should let go but it's just as wild fire it's hasn't been on my hands ever since i let out #and i was getting over it i was moving one but i guess that the reason why i'm back at feeling so much of it is bc he makes me feel safe #and i need safety right now #just like the bad dream i had somedays ago #he is my childhood best friend if there a thing that I've felt beside him was safe safe to be myself safe to be around safe to breath #and now i don't feel safe in any of those things i'm paranoid i go to walk my dog and i think every man is looking at me #i go to the groceries and i get anxious when a man is getting close bc he might touch me i don't like listening to men's voices #and i see him everywhere i go every where and it's exhausting so exhausting bc he is not here and i know that but i still see him #when a guy' approaching me on the street even if i'm inside my car and they're on a bike if they look a tiny bit like him i've to look away #and i can't hear the ocean anymore and for some reason youtube decided that a surfer's ad is the only one my account needs #and every time an ad comes i know it's going to be it and feel on the verge of anxiety of breaking down into tiny pieces that can't be glued #but henrique makes me feel like the ocean like the girl that loved the ocean and wanted to learn how to surf so bad and it's safe around men #like i was in a really bad place three days ago really bad and the only thing that brought me back was him saying absurds about spiderman #bc he is a dork and he is tall and broad and he loves spiderman and he is safe he makes me feel safe and i can't push that back not rn #so yeah childhood best friends to lovers sounds amazing but i'm not good enough to have that and that is a fucking bummer #a little bit of a rant guys lmao #i keep pouring things out on yall sorry about that #dave love confesses at midnight #deaif