#because this man knows what's up clearlyu. that's why my sister got fully paid off college for being a good quiet cishet while i was thrown

[actually-eldritch]

we want to resume our studying so. so so badly but the eating has to not just be good but consistent over a long period of time and i wish to scream. my brain is full of paywalls nobody warned me could happen. nobody warned me I could become too poor to think at all on a physical level because whilst my faMILY was abusive as shit growing up the conditions were still of a higher class so i developed a brain that had high demands and then started fueling it with not just poor but povertty resources . like im at high risk of being homeless in the next 6 months and i have a brain that puts me in saw traps and basically says "if you don't eat at an average of least 5 meals a day, approximately 3 hours apart, and keep this up for weeks at a time, you will not be awarded access to any of your incomplete but grandiose thought constructs, good fucking luck having a single useful thought because it's not built for your resources"

Nobody fucking warned me about how painful the class drop was. I suppose a lot of that was because they were completely inconsiderate about what the experience of children in higher classes might be. They'll remember that their daddy's are heartless monsters peddaling slavery, and then for some reasojn think that they'll give their riches to their kid no questions asked. What do you think happens when the money loving man has a child with undesireable identities and interests? they torture them and wipe them off the face of the fucking planet. you don't know about it because they don't fucking want you to know about it. have some godamned nuance.

#the amount of times i was denied help because i 'had it' but i was living as someone with less than 100$ a month to live off of except i #would also have shit like a new nintendo switch and people thought any indicator that i had anything no matter how unrelated to my needs #was indicative of the rest. but if there's one thing to know about the wannabe-rich middle classman it's that his money allocation is #complete dogshit and it's everybody's fault but his own that he's poor #and please ignore his starving family in favour of all the expensive artifacts and rugs and cars he's going to show you #because this man knows what's up clearlyu. that's why my sister got fully paid off college for being a good quiet cishet while i was thrown #to the dogs and barely graduated high school and it was treated like an unrelated surprise #anyway. #if he would actually believe whoever said it #i'm sure he'd be pissed to know the son he threw away wanted to be a neurosurgeon #and i revel in that. even though he'll never know. because they let me get too fucked up for that dream by middle school #too many concussions to too much hand tremors. what's the point. im to become something different. #so i am but my hearts still missing pieces i'd like to come closer to anyway. depsite all the paywalls #inside and outside of my mind