#bc that would entail actually taking initiative and trying sth I've never done before which is Terrifying to me even if it's 'just' online

[chaeul]

I am once again deep in my 'I need someone to dom me and I don't have enough of a filter to not talk about in on the internet rn' feels.

(watch that filter reappear in like an hour and me deleting this post again like I did the last couple times)

but just

this intense ache for some gentle (but firm - if that makes sense?) guidance and accountability from someone I trust and that I look up to

for praise (and praise and praise) and punishment if need be

the Want to please and do my very best to be a good girl for them

#anyways- unlikely that I'm actually going to do anything about it #bc that would entail actually taking initiative and trying sth I've never done before which is Terrifying to me even if it's 'just' online #no matter how much I want it #but damn #the thought of giving away that little bit of power and it not being perceived as a weakness of mine but a gift to the other person? #the trust needed for me to be able to do that? #I wanna feel that So Bad #I've been playing with those thoughs on and off for months now #but these past 2 days it's been consuming almost every waking moment #or maybe I'm just lonely #or maybe I need therapy #maybe I just need someone to fuck me stupid #probably all 4! #self awareness *jazz hands* #and that's on using tumblr as a diary #personal