#bc it's so fucking infuriating to have made sm progress just to get reset like this. & to an even worser degree UUUUGGGHH

[ozlices]

wrote another note as civilly as i fucking could despite still being triggered, honestly. if this one doesn't result in us actually make up i fucking give up bruh i cant keep doing this w her

#mine #i tried in the og letter to be like i rly wish u'd just understand my journey w dealing w my trauma wrt my abuser #is the same journey that ur going on w my dad & im not ready for that journey yet. #like dawg. i literally watched my daughter fucking die this year then got betrayed by my roommate & damned back to where it happened #sorry not sorry coddling my 30 y/o abuser who still throws tantrums is not on my priority list of processing & healing ?????? #she literally has held this shit over my head my entire life #she believes my abuser at her word automatically & she always has #but my word is always called into question. like... god it's so fucking exhausting. #even when i was a kid if we woke her up from fighting my abuser always told her side of the story before me #& it was believed even if i was sobbing my eyes out from being traumatized. #she literally said in her note that i need to explain stuff that happened to her if it rly did happen & it's just. #I DID!!! I DID /WHEN/ IT HAPPENED!!! & GUESS WHAT?! YOU BELIEVED MY ABUSER OVER ME!! #WHAT DIFFERENCE WOULD RELIVING MY TRAUMA MAKE NOW??? NONE!! ALL IT WOULD DO IS TRIGGER ME FOR NOTHING!!! #im so fucking tired bruh i literally am at my wit's fucking end #i am trying so damn hard to stay afloat but i wanna scream & break shit #bc it's so fucking infuriating to have made sm progress just to get reset like this. & to an even worser degree UUUUGGGHH #i hate being a person so much #vent// #delete later// #abuse mention//