#au where the flyers aren't suffering from lack of Stupid

[lowkeyhockey]

stronger than my demons - nolan patrick

Pairing: Nolan Patrick/University Student!Reader

Mentions: Travis Konecny

Warnings: Description of depression and anxiety, curse words. Does not follow the “canon timeline” of this season (:

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: Nolan makes a bad day better. He always does. 

* * * * * * * * * *

With Nolan gone, without his arms to hold you firm, you fall asleep sometime in the middle of the pink-tinted hours of the pre-dawn and wake around noon. You wake and immediately try to remember what time your thoughts had finally decided to take a break, to give you a break. There’s no way you’d gotten a full night’s rest, or even a half night’s rest — but maybe you’d gotten enough that you wouldn’t feel a failure at even sleeping.

When your mind decides to race ahead of you the way it’s been doing lately, it always feels like your own brain is a whole other entity from you, like it’s an enemy you just can’t seem to beat. How are you supposed to beat yourself, anyway? In what universe would you not end up the loser, however the battle ends up going?

You wake with resentment heavy on your tongue, thick in the back of your throat, you wake cold and alone and praying for the clock on your bedside table to show you an hour closer to dusk because that would at least mean that you have fewer hours of the day to get through.

But you wake at noon, with the sun directly overhead as though judging you for your sins — and that means you haven’t missed Nolan’s lunchtime call. He never misses it, calls exactly once at half past twelve whenever he’s away. Doesn’t matter if he’s just out for lunch with Travis or if he’s mid-roadie. He calls. Just once, though, and if you don’t pick up when he does he just waits for you to call him back.

And he never blames you for it.

Sometimes you’re asleep, insomnia or a late-night burst of productivity hitting you hard enough that you destroy whatever semblance your sleep cycle had to an actual functioning thing. Sometimes you’re in class, and you dig your phone out to text him an i love you and an on tuesdays i have biochem, remember? and sometimes an oh my god prof anderson’s even more boring than usual this week.

On Tuesdays he’d text back an i love you more, like it’s a competition and like he genuinely believes he’s winning, he’d text you a new science meme he found online, he’d text you a focus on ur prof anyway, and stop checking out your TA.

You’d always reply to the last one with a sneaky pic of your TA, usually while he’s bent over one of your classmates’ desks to explain a concept to them in detail. There’s a reason why your classmates keep asking him to explain the most basic of things, and it’s not just because he’s incredibly enthusiastic about doing it.

But it’s — Thursday, you think, you’re not quite sure, but it’s media day for the flyers and that means that Nolan’s probably going to be busy all day. For the second time since you’d woken up, you pray - for a moment - for time to move faster than it’s doing.

A peek at the clock tells you that your prayer’s gone unanswered, and — hey, at least that gets you to direct your annoyance outward. To the clock, to god, maybe, or just to the concept of time.

But because you still have about twenty five minutes before Nolan’s call, you climb - slowly - out of bed and head to the bathroom — if nothing else, you could at least brush your teeth before he calls you. That’s how he pushes you, when he’s there in person: just brush your teeth, babe, or just have some of the toast i made, i’ll make more if you decide you’re hungry or it’s okay if you don’t hit the gym today, Newton’s been whining for another walk.

And you both know by now that things are always easier after you’ve taken the first step. You brush your teeth, shower, even go through your (pretty basic) skincare routine before Nolan’s Facetime request pops up on your screen.

By the the time you accept the call, you’re feeling halfway-human again, though you’re in one of Nolan’s ratty old Wheat Kings jerseys and not your own clothes. You manage a smile for him, tired and - at the same time, and just from seeing his face - not, smile widening as he swings his phone sharply around.

You see something like a patch of orange fur flying through the air, Nolan ducking it just in time, and you hope that he hadn’t just dodged Gritty. God, were parts of Gritty - aside from his bellybutton patch - detachable?

Nolan laughs, the low, rumbling sound making you smile a little wider, even as you’re wishing that he’s there with you so that you can feel the sound. Nolan’s a grade A clinger when you both have the energy for it - you know exactly how his laughter feels when his chest is plastered against your back.

“I’m under attack, babe,” he tells you, and you think that you’re looking better than you feel, because he’s grinning at you with flushed cheeks and messy hair, a disaster of a masterpiece of a person and he’s not trying to quiet himself down for you.

Nolan is - well, most people would think of him as quiet. private, even secretive, restrained. But he trusts you, and even on the days when you feel more walking dead than alive he feels like there’s more of the world to see - and feel, and experience - when he’s sharing it with you.

He tries to quiet himself - makes himself soft and safe, soothing and easy - when he knows you’re having a rough day. But you love him when he’s like this, too.

Okay - in all fairness, you love all versions of him.

“Baaaaaaabe,” he whines at you, still grinning, and you realise that you’ve been staring.

“Is it Gritty, baby?” you ask, and you can feel yourself grinning back now — it feels like a mask stretched thin over your face, but it feels real, too. “You know I’m not getting in Gritty’s way. Ever.”

“Fuck, no, I wouldn’t ask you to do that,” he promises you, and he’s turning again, the camera catching a shirtless Carter Hart in the background. They’re in the locker room, you think, and even though the other guys might be there too, you make sure to wolf-whistle at him.

Hartsy looks up to grin at you, giving a small, awkward wave that you think means he’s still a little shy with you, and Nolan swings the camera around again — this time so that his face is filling the screen, and he’s arching an eyebrow up at you.

“It was Teeks, actually. You wanna flirt with him too?” he asks, and it’s your turn to laugh — and it’s like something slips off your shoulders when you do, a weight you hadn’t known you’d been carrying.

“Think he still likes me after the last girl I hooked him up with?” you ask — you haven’t had the time or energy to hang out with TK in a while, thirty minutes with him is about as much social interaction as you’d get from five hours with literally anyone else, but the last time you did hang out together there had been a fourth person there, a lab partner you’d had earlier in the semester.

Teeks had seen her profile picture in your Whatsapp chat - he had zero sense of boundaries or personal space - and had insisted on an introduction. And, as it turned out, he’d come to regret it.

“Fuck you, she talks like she’s spitting out a dictionary,” you hear Teeks shouting from somewhere, and Nolan turns away from the phone - and from you - then, though you recognise the furrow in his brow even from his profile.

“Dude, I told you not to talk about her friends like that,” he tells his friend, sounding disapproving and stern, and Teeks - who’s the opposite of serious, especially when it’s Nolan being serious - goes pfffft in reply.

“You said to not call her a n-e-r-d, and i didn’t,” Teeks shoots back, like you’re a genius who just happens to be incapable of spelling, and you’re laughing again.

Nolan turns back to face you, then makes a face like he’d just been jabbed before he angles the camera so that you can see Teeks, too, maybe standing on tiptoe so he can hook his chin over Nolan’s shoulder.

“‘Nerd’ isn’t a bad word,” you tell both boys, mock-serious like you’re settling a dispute, and TK pumps a fist in the air.

“Y/N can say it, she is one,” Nolan protests, and you’re making a squawk of - exaggerated - affront while he goes bright red.

“You know what, Teeks? You can have him,” you tell them, and then it’s Nolan’s turn to make a sound of protest. Instead of pumping his fist again, though, TK makes a face like he’s considering it before shoving Nols aside - you’re giggling when he stumbles, but when he straightens up again he’s all yours.

“We’re having lunch in a little bit, babe. Have you had anything to eat?”

You shake your head, feeling a little guilty, but Nolan looks unfazed.

“That’s okay, we’ll have an early dinner tonight, yeah? I miss you,” he says, the last words coming in a low mumble. You’ve been missing each other a lot - you had a summer internship as a research assistant while he’d gone home over the off-season, and even as the season’s coming back into swing now you’re feeling more pressure from a heavier courseload.

“Sounds perfect, Nols. I can’t wait.” And you’re not lying, not just trying to be good enough for him - pretending to be a girl capable of going out for dinner in the city. You don’t have to lie or pretend. If Nolan wants to have dinner out, you want to be there with him. And if later you decide you’re too tired, or too anxious to be surrounded by people, you know he’ll want to be with you - on the couch, in pyjamas, eating takeout and fighting over who’s getting the better fortune cookie.

“Love you,” you say to him in a whisper, even though there’s no one around you to laugh and tease about you being so mushy.

“Love you more,” he replies, each word crystal clear, and you see another orange thing flying by - still just Teeks? - right before you cut the call.

#nolan patrick #nolan patrick imagine #nhl imagine #philadelphia flyers #philadelphia flyers imagine #hockey imagine #au where the flyers aren't suffering from lack of Stupid #lyss writes hockey