#at which point garrus knows this isn't going anywhere good and tries to run for the exit but it's too late

[swaps55]

hey wait a minute. if Sam is... the way he is at parties, how is his apartment party gonna go?

someone: haha, you know Shepard at parties! other guests, but most especially Kaidan: *looking around nervously*

HA!

So, part of the inspiration of Sam's party trick, which is imagining all the ways he'd take out whoever he's talking to with whatever's in reach, was the elevator conversation with Wrex, where he asks Kaidan who would win in a fight between him and Shepard. Kaidan declares that he would never fight his commanding officer, and Wrex informs him that's why Shepard would win.

SO, at an apartment party, you can bet your ass Sam and Wrex wind up going through the entire party roster, describing their strategies for everyone, and offering constructive criticism on the responses. New people like James and Traynor would probably freak out if they overheard, while the seasoned veterans know that Sam is just Like That. XD

What would be really funny is Joker deciding to play "how well do you know your partner," and begin asking Kaidan how Sam would take someone out. At this point, Kaidan knows Sam so well and has heard so many of his takedown strategies, that he could probably guess quite a few with pretty decent accuracy. After asking Sam the same question and comparing notes, Joker would gleefully point out to Kaidan that he basically now performs the same trick of 'how would I kill this person if I needed to in a pinch?' resulting in Kaidan having a minor existential crisis.

The ultimate question about an apartment party, though, is does Sam get drunk. He doesn't drink heavily at all (until we get to ME2, but that's, uh, different) because this is what happens when he gets shitfaced:

Commander Shepard goes on hiatus, and he is 100% Sam.

Drunk!Sam is an incurable cuddle slut and will tell you anything.

To give even more context for how mortifying this has the potential to be for Kaidan or anyone else, the anything most definitely includes his sex life.

#swaps replies #mrsd-writes #'shoot it again sam' shepard #drunk!sam is something i want to write more of #because he is a goddamned delight #but the circumstances in which it would happen are so rare until post war #i don't think he ever got drunk on the 'yang #or the sr-1 #in me2 it's all desperation drinking #i have it in my head that at one point garrus finds him kicking back shots #trying to figure out if he CAN get drunk after cerberus' meddling #and sam opens the conversation with 'ever wonder what happens to you when you die?' #at which point garrus knows this isn't going anywhere good and tries to run for the exit but it's too late #garrus deserves a medal for everything he puts up with in me2