#are my paretns abusive......

[princesstokyomoon]

like... i REALLY do like my family name

but GOD if i search it on google the results used to come up with me or my paretns as the top result

NOW its one of my cousins, cus shes APPARENTLY been doing lots of research papers on covid or some shit?

google images is basically half my family, and half random other people (not a single one of which is white. my family are the only white passing ones apparently)

i feel like i need to be SO goddamn careful about even hinting at it (not that anyone would guess it lets be honest lmao) because its just an IMMEDIATE way to dox me.

my surname is basically the only connection that i have to the quater of me thats black/indian/whatever is ACTUALLY going on there. my dad disowned his culture because his dad was an abusive peice of shit. i dont know what my surname means, i dont even know where my family really comes from, cus my dad has said both guyana and french guyana at different points in time.

no matter how much i want to reconnect with that part of me....i cant. i dont know where to start, and im too white passing anyway, i feel like im never gonna be wanted in spaces for poc. all i have left is my family name. and i cant even be loud and proud about that name.

i love my chosen name - i wouldnt of chosen it if i didnt. but it really stings when i look at it and just.... it feels like its erasing that one TINY shred of connection i have to that part of me.

#d o n o t r e b l o g #this wasnt supposed to be a vent but it turned into one #oh well

[ea-iwata-blog]

Hello hello! I’m here with an introduction of my wonderful Michi! You can find the same information on his page! As for admin, my name is Jewels and I use they/them pronouns! I’m in EST so keep that in mind when contacting me and my muse! Please like this post if you’d like me to pop into your messages to plot! His connections and the navigation page are under construction right now, but they’ll be finished soon! His intro is under the cut!

STATS

basics    BIRTH NAME: hisakawa michi    KNOWN AS: mich, chi   OCCUPATION: freelance dancer & vlogger. he normally just dances in the streets and gets tips but         he’s open to bigger jobs if he is hired. he will refuse any sort of entertainment company though. also     does a vlog that people seem to love for whatever reason.    DATE OF BIRTH: march 6th, 1993    STANDARD AGE: twenty-four    NATIONALITY: japanese    ORIENTATION: straight    GENDER: cismale (he/him)    SOCIOECONOMIC STATUS: upper    BIRTH PLACE: Fern (In modern world terms; Aichi, Japan)    RELIGION: none    BLOOD TYPE: b    PARENTAL STATUS: biological    DIET REQUIREMENTS: none

looks    FACECLAIM: takanori iwata    HEIGHT: 5’ 9"    WEIGHT: 146 lbs    EYE COLOR: brown    BODY TYPE: slim, muscular    HAIR COLOR: brown    DOMINANT HAND: right    TATTOOS: three    SCARS: none    PIERCINGS: five, on ears only    GLASSES: no

personality POSITIVE TRAITS: thoughtful, confident, daring NEGATIVE TRAITS: crafty, perverse, opportunistic

background    KNOWN LANGUAGES: japanese, korean, english    BASIC EDUCATION: yes    COLLEGE EDUCATION: no (currently taking a “gap year” (it’s been 6 years))    CRIMINAL RECORD?: yes

family    MOTHER: hisakawa keiko    FATHER: hisakawa hideaki    SIBLINGS: has 5 siblings    OTHER: none    RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single    RELATIONSHIP HISTORY: a long list

habits    SMOKER?:  yes    ALCOHOL:  socially    DRUG USE: socially    ADDICTIONS: smoking    VIOLENT?: no    SELF DESTRUCTIVE TENDENCIES?: no

other    DRIVERS LICENSE?: yes    ZODIAC(S): Pisces, Rooster    PET(S): 1 dog    RATING: 4.821    ADDRESS: fern   USERNAME: @/miichii

BIO

   Michi comes from a very high-rated and powerful family. He shared their rating of course, as he was raised to behave in that certain way. He has several older and younger siblings, however. So when he hit his highschool years, he began to feel left out and started rebelling. It started out in small ways, but once he became an adult, this got more dangerous. He starting joining in on Nerve and made the horrible mistake of doing several of the more illegal and dangerous missions and posting  a video of it online. Of course, his rating got docked. And so, he ended up living in Grass for awhile. He still continued joining in on Nerve, but was smart enough to not post it online this time. However, he messed up again and did one of the more dangerous missions in front of a cop. He got docked again, and lived in Field for awhile.

   It was living in Feild that opened his eyes- those way back home in Fern would always look down on these people and didn’t know the reality of it. After living like that for awhile, and working for everything that he had, he began to question everything taught to him as a child. From that, he began to question everything. And he knew how influential his family was. How being with his family again meant he could use their name to promote the truth about things, to get people to think.

   But everyone also knew about him falling down the chain of classes- as his family was very influential and famous, they were constantly watched by the media. And so, using the Nerve secretly and doing what he can, he began to climb up the chain of classes again, making his way back to his family. His siblings liked him even less after he returned- for they thought he didn’t deserve to be a part of the family, and he had changed and learned to question things so much that he’d get into fights with their parents all the time. So he moved into his own apartment. He restarted his vlog and gained followers fast. He got so popular that he even has a fanclub now (they call themselves ‘Chi’s). And through some less obvious messages in his videos, he’s slowly starting to get people to think about the world around them.

   Speaking of his fans, he loves them dearly. So long as they don’t stalk him, he is more than happy to interact with his wonderful fans. He seems like he’d be rude and cold to you, but that’s just his face. In actuality, he’s one of the sweetest guys you’ll ever meet. He’d gladly give anyone the shirt off his back if nessecary, or even give other people his food. And he doesn’t limit his public dancing and wandering around to just the community he lives in- he goes everywhere, happy to spread his messages and happiness. Since he lives in Fern, if someone is having an issue getting in when they absolutely need to, he’d be more than happy to claim to be related to them and have them stay at his place. That especially applies if someone is getting away from an abusive family- he’s all for helping with that.

   On the other hand, he just doesn’t know when to stop. Whether that be stop questioning things and live a little, or to start questioning things and stop taking dangerous missions on Nerve. He has a tough time between distinguishing those times. He is also too trusting- almost anyone can tell him a sob story and he’d vouch for them to get into the community of Fern. That is the reason why his paretns now have a bodyguard follow him around. Lastly, he’s very blunt too- everytime he questions anything or thinks deeply, he becomes very blunt and if you’re not being a good person, he would absolutely be unafraid to call you out on it and call you an a-hole.

#ooc #intro

[sedatedvoid]

i grew up with mom that faced emotional and physical abuse from my dad and now that i’m back home i can see she definitely suffers with anxiety and some sort of ADD and i remember when she had depression when she got pregnant with my youngest brother she was emotionally and metally unavailable she is constantly stressed because of money and having to handle not only raising 5 kids but paying off the house and bills by herself

my dad is an alcoholic and has been unemployed for the past 10 fucking years in and out of jobs because he cant keep a stable job because of his mental issues depression alcoholism and overall inability to interact with others

my parents have been sleeping separately for years now and make it known that they hate each other but stay living together because my mom clearly has adondanment and attachment issues while my dad  is a freeloader and he cant possibly make it out on his own who would fukcing take him in

ill decide to blame my paretns for my inability to have healthy emotional and physical romantic intimacy with another person

im so fucking lonely yet a reject relationships all together and could careless but people everyone everything make life about loving someone and being loved and if fucking hurts and sucks

anyways i constantly think about killing myself ill probably never do it because i dont want to suffer but still please let me die already i feel too deeply and too much to not want to die and end it all i hate my lfe and i dont like seeign those aorunf me suffer