#anyways i'm going to post this and run away because its the longest derry girls fic i have ever written and i'm panicked

[capseycartwright]

it always leads to you, in my hometown

James gave her a reassuring smile. “You can love somewhere,” he began, and maybe he meant somewhere and someone, too, but Erin wasn’t ready to have that conversation. “And still need to leave it for a while. Derry will always be here,” he reassured, reaching out and giving her knee a gentle squeeze.

“And you?” she breathed the words. "Will you always be here?"

- or, a series of moments over their university years where james and erin fall together, fall apart, and find their way home to each other.

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AUGUST 1998

Erin wanted to make one thing clear: she loved Derry. It felt important, to clarify that - especially as it was the night before she left it for four years of university in Dublin. She loved Derry, with every part of her heart and soul, the city etched deep into her bones, at the core of who she was - Erin Quinn could have been a very different girl, if she’d grown up somewhere else. But, she didn’t: she’d grown up in Derry, and so the city she called home now would forever be, well, home.

Derry was changing - for the better, Erin hoped, but that wouldn’t become clear for another while yet. Derry was changing, the city she knew so well entering a new era, the Good Friday Agreement approved on all sides of the border, people beginning to hope that their future could be a peaceful one. May had rolled into August, the summer slow, and syrupy sweet, the days feeling endless, and too quick, all the same, passing faster than Erin had been ready for.

The lights of the city glittered in front of her as Erin watched on from her spot on the walls, drinking in the sight of her home before she set off for university in the morning.

“I thought I might find you here,” a voice drew her attention, Erin twisting to see James standing a few metres away, arms crossed over his chest as he watched her carefully.

Erin gestured vaguely. “Yeah,” she managed. “You found me.”

“Mind if I join you?”

Erin shook her head, watching as James eased himself up and onto the cool stone of the wall beside her. Derry was never very quiet, but it felt quieter that evening, the noise of people going about their lives background noise as she watched James settle next to her.

“Aren’t you going to ask me what’s wrong?” she asked after a beat of silence.

James shrugged. “I think I can guess,” he said, because over the last year, James had developed this uncanny ability to read into Erin’s every thought, and so it didn’t surprise her that he knew. Well, Erin supposed - it wasn’t hard to guess why she was here, sitting on the city walls, instead of watching her mother go through the packing list for the fifth time that day.

“Everything is changing,” Erin said, letting out a shaky breath. This week - it had been full of goodbyes.

They’d gone to the airport with Clare and her mammy on Tuesday, waving goodbye from the departures hall as Clare had headed for the security gate, and her new life in London, away to university about as far as she could get from Derry. Erin understood, really, she did - for Clare, Derry was filled with the ghost of her father, the man sitting quietly on every street corner, a reminder that he never saw Clare finish school, never got to vote in the referendum, never saw his beloved Northern Ireland start on the slow march to peace. No, Erin could understand why Clare needed to leave - but for a moment, clinging to Michelle’s hand, Erin had wished that the day hadn’t come and that Clare hadn’t felt like she needed to go.

It was hypocritical of her, she knew - Erin herself was off to Glasgow in the morning, a place at the University of Glasgow on their English Literature course waiting for her. She’d applied on a whim, and told nobody, until UCAS had come through and informed her that she’d been given an unconditional offer at Glasgow to study her dream degree. It had been her mammy, who’d told her she should go, Mary wiping away Erin’s confused tears as she’d reassured her daughter that it was okay, and she should go, and follow her dreams, and her, and her daddy, would always support her - no matter where in the world she was.

James was staying. That had been the biggest plot twist of it all - if their lives were a novel, and James staying in Northern Ireland could be considered a plot twist rather than a thoughtfully made life choice - but Erin could understand why he was staying. James hadn’t said it in as many words, but here, in Derry, he’d found a place to call home for the first time, and so it made sense that he wasn’t willing to go very far, English and Film Studies at Queen's University Belfast his new home as of September.

“It is, aye,” James agreed, and Erin couldn’t help but smile at the Derry lilt that had found a home in James’ accent, the swotty (Michelle’s words, not her own) English accent he had arrived in Derry with all those years ago now slowly beginning to fade. It suited him, Erin decided - he was a Derry girl, after all.

“What - what if it’s not as good?” Erin couldn’t help the tears that welled up in her eyes as she looked at Derry, and looked at James again, her heart aching as she tried to even begin to process the monumental changes that they were standing on the precipice of. For years now, Erin had dreamed of university, adulthood, and growing up, and now it was finally all happening, she couldn’t help but wish that she was heading back to Mary Immaculate College and Sister Michael’s wrath in two weeks' time.

James looked thoughtful, for a second. “I don’t think it’ll be comparable,” he said, continuing after a beat. “Nothing is ever going to be comparable to this,” he gestured vaguely, waving toward the rolling expanse of Derry that spread out for miles in front of them. “But that doesn’t mean that what’s coming next is going to be bad. You know? It’s going to be - it’s going to be fun,” he said, determined. “It’ll be different, sure, but it’s going to be fun too.”

Erin wiped roughly at her eyes. “What if I can’t do it alone?”

James gave her a fond smile. “You’ll never be alone, Erin,” he said, and Erin couldn’t help but smile. She hadn’t ever been alone, not really, her life always full of joy, and laughter, and friends and family. She, and Clare and Michelle had already gone through the teary goodbyes and promises to stay in touch, and Orla had, in her very Orla-like way, solemnly reassured that she could easily swim the length of the Irish sea between here, and Scotland, if Erin ever needed her.

“I know, I just…” she trailed off, wondering how to voice her fear aloud. “What if I get to Glasgow, and I can’t do it alone?”

“Erin Quinn,” James said, as though he was about to say something obvious, something she should already know. “You can do anything you set your mind to.”

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#derry girls #erin quinn #james maguire #jerin #in which i ramble #in which lorna writes fic #the whole thing is on ao3 because tumblr wrecks my fic formatting in this instance #anyways i'm going to post this and run away because its the longest derry girls fic i have ever written and i'm panicked #pls enjoy and hopefully its not shit lmao x