#anti hashisaku

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Hashirama’s political marriage to Mito was to strengthen Leaf as a new military village. I get it that the serious lovers of hashisaku pairing, who’re under the impression that this could actually work (’cause Sakura was robbed in Canon; she’s always duking robbed!), aren’t all that bright, but Hashirama tossing aside the wife he took in for political reasons for Sakura ... is one of the most idiotic things I’ve ever heard. What would Sakura offer to him compared to Mito? Nothing. And Tobirama? He was probably ... gay or completely asexual. Why would Sakura interest him? She’s completely ordinary, and she possesses no talent to invent nor any natural ability for him to study. She isn’t even remotely prodigious to even mildly interest him.

So, let me get this straight... You see fit to pick a fight with the shipper of a harmless rarepair, why, again? A ship that barely makes a blip on the Founders' side of the fandom's radar, just to bandwagon the same shit Sakura-anti's have been peddling for years? Aside from the fact that your argument is the most tired bullshit in existence, I'm going to state it over in case it's not getting through your thick skull:

The ship on places like tumblr or twitter are tagged. On Ao3, it's tagged. Instead of bitching and moaning about a ship you could easily avoid, you could block the tags and move on. It's not fucking rocket science. If you go out of your way to seek it, that's a you-issue, not that of us shippers.

Secondly, why is it the Founders' fandom only gets possessive of Hashirama when shipping him with Sakura is involved? From what I've seen, you all are happy to shit on Hashi's character for miles around, belittling him as a dumb idiot who can't function without his brother as if he wasn't the most powerful shinobi in the fucking series, who was a charismatic military leader capable of bringing even his clan's sworn and ancient enemies under the fold to unite in a revolutionary village that was his idea in the first place? But no, unless it's convenient, he's either dumb as a rock or people hamfist one-dimensional yandere tropes to make his brother or Madara look like poor little meow-meows.

And don't even get me started on how ya'll treat Hashimito, let alone Mito. 'Political marriage', where? Show me irrevocable proof that Hashimito was only a political marriage, that Hashirama didn't grow to love and cherish his wife with time. I mean, fuck's sake, this pairing was the blueprint for ships like Dantsu, Minakushi, and Naruhina, but instead your reductive take was that it was just for political gain? Or how she's the awful, bad lady who gets in the way of pairings like Hashimada (even if smart people polyship them, but I guess I'm not one of them, according to you).

Again with the headcanons. Show me complete and utter proof that a manga with heteronormative endgame ships that Tobirama was gay or asexual. (And don't bring SNS into the mix when Kishi literally based them off his relationship with his twin brother, you naughty incest shippers! /s)

Oh, but the horror of shipping him with Sakura! In a horrible, terrible ship that barely has 50 fics to its name! Won't someone think of the poor Hashimada shippers who have almost ~2k fics on Ao3? Or Tobimada that blitzes well past it when Tobisaku has barely 120? Goodness gracious, someone save them!

I mean, who can ever think of shipping the poor Senju bros with a woman who didn't even exist in their era, who is usually transplanted via Genswap or time travel AU's? In fanworks that absolutely affect canon! Wow, she's such a threat! I mean, gosh, she's just soooo useless with how she became the strongest kunoichi in the Leaf, the greatest med-nin in the world after her master's retirement, who was so gosh-darn useless as the heroine! I mean, it's not like she could mesh well with Hashirama who's stated to have healing abilities greater than Tsunade! Oh, they'd never get along. And I bet she'd never get her foot through the door with Tobirama, especially since Sakura's expertise with biomedical sciences would grate so much against his own expertise in similar fields! And the fact that they share similar values just wouldn't do! Y'know, since their shared morals and desire to protect humanity and the village just wouldn't work! Awful, just awful.

Also... why on earth do you assume Tobirama would want to boink a test subject? I don't know about you, but that sounds awfully belittling despite how high of an esteem you hold for you him, supposedly. So what if she isn't test subject-worthy? I don't know about you, but I sure as hell wouldn't want to fuck someone I'm about to cut into, but that's just me. (And for the love of gods, don't bring Tobimada into this. Saying that every Tobimada shipper sees this as the sole reason they ship it is, again, pretty damn insulting to them lmao--)

Besides that, Sakura has invented jutsu before, my dear, pea-brained friend. She created Cherry Blossom Impact, drastically expanded on chakra-enhanced strength in the novels, devised the Delicate Illness Extraction Technique, a chakra radar, among others. But, again, if you dilute your reasons for shipping a pairing based on how much jutsu they've invented, who's being shallow here, exactly? The way I see it, Tobirama would want to be with someone intelligent who is strong enough to protect the village and who shares similar values as him. Why would he care about arbitrary things like how much he could experiment on? He's not Dr. Frankenfurter, please.

And even if people ship them because they self-insert in Sakura and want to ship her because she's the heroine and some rando, Founder or otherwise, is hot, who cares? This is fucking fandom. Shipping isn't activism or a career, and sure as hell doesn't add anything to canon except enjoyment in the fanbase. It's 2022 and it's too late in Naruto's existence to care about intellectual quandaries surrounding shipping, of all things. If you do, then good lord--see a therapist. Get a different hobby outside of fandom, it sounds like you need it.

But, thanks for being an amusing waste of time. I'll be sure to reflect on this when I continue writing my Foundersaku stories, buh-bye!

#sakura haruno #haruno sakura #tobirama senju #hashirama senju #hashisaku #tobisaku #my asks #my meta #wee-woo wee-woo here comes the butthurt brigade! #way to be the clown who takes canon this seriously #wish i could be as boring as the rest of you