#and imma have to scrub the damn toilet bc we're having company tomorrow and i'm the only one who cares enough to do it

[bladeofthestars]

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#i was gonna go buy some delta 8 bc i got christmas money early and i've been hurting #but i had to buy some fucking groceries a couple of days ago bc my mom last minute told me she wanted me to make #stuffing for thanksgiving #and with the very meager amount of money i have left i don't want to spend basically all of it on weed #so i decided against it #and was gonna have some pity ice cream instead #but i get in the freezer and find that my SO has eaten the last of it #even tho he usually never gets into it #and there was a brownie on the table and a cookie bar in the fridge that he likes #so why choose that specifically #idk i'm just like throwing a tantrum in the other room quietly while he's sleeping bc wtf #like i'm fucking trying to lose weight sure and didn't *need* the ice cream #but like it's always kinda been 'mine' and how are you gonna eat the last of something that's mine #i had counted on it being there #just like damn. i truly have nothing. #and half the dishes were loaded into the dishwasher backwards either by him or his parents #which like practically zero time to fix but wtf? kinda weird and inconsiderate?? #and imma have to scrub the damn toilet bc we're having company tomorrow and i'm the only one who cares enough to do it #i was gonna pop an edible and get to work on cleaning since it sometimes helps with motivation to do it #but that plan is cancelled and i don't even have a consolation prize #thinking about instead getting drunk off my ass and doing goddamned nothing #i feel bad that i haven't really been working on personal projects recently. makes me feel lazy. but i haven't been bc it's hard to focus #when sitting in one place for like 20 minutes causes me pain. so i cook and i occasionally clean house and i have to beg and beg and demand #and guilt for the few chores i ask of him to be done. which is literally almost only cleaning the pots and pans when i cook for him. but #they'll sit there for days and sometimes his parents who are usually gone half the week woll come home and they're still there and his mom #ends up washing them. i'm not bringing in any money right now and like at least he's working on something but he's not bringing in any #either and we went through my money faster bc it's harder to get him to go to the grocery so it was me for a long time paying for all that #so now i have nothing and feel weird about asking for help and he's offered verbally but hasn't actually sat down with me to do anything #until i literally didn't have enough to pay for my car insurance at which point he sat down to switch it but ugh #he had said he didn't want me to get that low but let it happen anyway and now is still like 'can you get that' on occasion