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everlarkbirthdaydrabbles · 7 years

Note

My birthday was last week (5/21) but if you're in a lull and want to backtrack I love fluff and/or arranged marriage situations.

How very fitting that our last story at everlarkbirthdaydrabbles is in response to what was, in fact, our very first submission! We’ve held onto this an entire year, gleefully looking forward to the day that we could fulfil this request! So happy birthday to you @roseymama, this incredible piece of Everlark was crafted just for you by the most wonderful @appleblossomgirl0305!

Blessed Accidents

A/N: Happy, happy day, birthday girl! I hope you have an incredible birthday and phenomenal year to come! (I also hope you have nothing else to do today besides eat cake and read this, as it is embarrassingly far too long for a drabble.)

To the @everlarkbirthdaydrabbles angels that have made this birthday gift exchange possible, thank you so, so much. You have done something so beautiful for the entire fandom.

Rated M

Trigger warning: parental abandonment

Katniss couldn’t put her finger on exactly what was wrong. She could feel it, gnawing insistently at the back of her mind like a headache coming on, but couldn’t figure out what had thrown her so off-balance. At nearly eighteen, Katniss had spent the past six years keeping her small family alive, a finely calibrated existence that kept them skimming just above oblivion. She was well aware that any small disaster could be their undoing, so she was vigilant in her watchfulness.

She glanced over at Prim, who was sitting at the kitchen table, schoolwork open in front of her. Katniss followed her sister’s eyes as she cast a worried look at their mother, who was making tea in the small kitchen.

Katniss’ eyes narrowed as she took in her mother, her blond hair brushing against her shoulders as she swayed back and forth, humming quietly to herself. As Katniss scrutinized her, her mother turned dreamily towards the window and closed her eyes, smiling into the soft morning light. This can’t be good, thought Katniss. But if anything, her mother looked perfectly healthy, robust even.

As she and Prim walked to school, Katniss did a quick mental inventory of her mother’s recent behavior and found no warning signs of the crippling depression that had nearly killed them all. If anything, lately her mother had seemed the opposite, too… happy. It had taken years after their father’s death for her mother to crawl out of the chasm of her grief. In the past few years, she had even resumed work as a healer, training Prim to assist her and freeing Katniss up to dedicate more of her time to hunting and their continued survival. But the humming and private smiles were new. Katniss scowled, if her mother was going to fall apart again, she needed to figure out how to protect Prim.

But as she regarded her sister walking straight-backed and solidly next to her, she realized that Prim wasn’t such a little girl anymore. In fact, she was taller than Katniss and her dark blue eyes held a sadness and gravity that belied her nearly fourteen years. But she was fed and healthy and Katniss had loved her the best she could. The last hurdle was keeping Prim off of tessera and safe through her last five Reapings. Then Katniss would be free in a way she’d scarcely even let herself imagine.

As the rutted dirt road of the Seam transitioned into the cobblestones of town, Katniss caught sight of Peeta Mellark, the baker’s youngest son, hurrying out from the bakery storefront. Their eyes met and she was instantly annoyed by the cornflower blue and disheveled blond curls and the sprinkling of freckles over his pink, flushed cheeks. And, especially, by the responding tug in her belly and the warmth that spread like honey through her limbs.

She dropped her gaze and gave him a curt nod. She hated when they met like this, it was so awkward since they were heading to the same place. And it seemed to be happening more frequently lately as the end of the school year approached. Only another few months and she could avoid Peeta Mellark, and the unpleasant sensations he inspired in her, forever.

—–

“Morning,” Peeta mumbled, his heart dropping to his toes as Katniss nodded at him while staring down at her boots. He didn’t know why he did this to himself every morning; rushed through his chores and waited by the front store window with his bookbag already slung over his shoulder in the hopes of orchestrating his exit so that it appeared he just happened to run into Katniss Everdeen. He had done it nearly perfectly this morning, but it didn’t matter. Katniss still couldn’t care less about him.

He fell into step behind them, feeling utterly pathetic. She clearly couldn’t stand the sight of him. He just wanted so desperately to talk to her. Okay, that wasn’t all he desperately wanted, there was a lot of touching he wanted to do that made him light-headed with desire to imagine, but first he wanted to talk to her. With only a few months left of school for them, he was painfully aware that time was running out before she might disappear forever.

Prim, who was usually so shy and quiet, suddenly turned towards Peeta and asked how the bakery was doing. He could feel his mouth hanging open in shock that she had addressed him, but managed to stutter out that it was fine, good, thanks for asking. His mind raced with what he could ask her in return as he took a couple of quick steps to walk beside her. He’d made a study of Katniss’ life and suddenly wasn’t sure what it was safe to know about Prim. He settled on asking her about school.

He glanced over at Katniss while Prim asked after his parents. Katniss was staring straight ahead, her jaw tight. He was amazed, as always, at how much presence she had despite her small stature, how intimidating she could be. Struggling to hold the thread of conversation, Peeta was just asking after their mother, when Aspen Lewis came hurtling out of his family’s store and nearly tackled Peeta, hopping onto his back. Katniss grabbed Prim and herded her forward, quickening her pace to avoid the boys’ scuffle. Peeta was stuck walking the rest of the way with that jackass Aspen chattering away.

Throughout the day, Peeta replayed that short conversation over in his mind. Why had Prim chosen to talk with him that morning? Was it a sign? As grateful as he was, something about it was bugging him. Maybe he was just distrustful of anything good ever happening to him.

—–

Katniss was distracted. She couldn’t stop glancing over at where Peeta sat during lunch, surrounded as usual by the boisterous blond heads of his fellow merchant kids. Why had Prim talked to Peeta that morning? Katniss thought Prim understood that Peeta was to be ignored. She had never talked to Prim about the bread and had always assumed she had been too addled by starvation to question how Katniss had gotten it. But Prim seemed to understand that Katniss disliked Peeta. Or maybe, being Prim, she intuited that Katniss felt uncomfortable around him, was in debt to him and hated to owe things. Then the horrifying thought that maybe Prim liked Peeta shot through her mind. Prim was too young. Peeta couldn’t possibly be interested in a fourteen year-old. But Prim was lovely and kind and fair. The thought turned her stomach and she looked back over at him, trying to imagine if it could be true.

“Is it the sandwich or the arms?” Madge asked, chewing thoughtfully on a raisin.

“What?” Katniss asked, hoping the annoyance in her voice would discourage any further conversation. It didn’t.

“Peeta. You know, that guy you’ve been staring at for the past ten minutes.” Madge held the container of raisins out to Katniss in offering.

“I’m not staring,” Katniss mumbled, taking a raisin even though she didn’t like how they stuck in her teeth.

“I think he might be the prettiest one of the three Mellarks,” Madge mused thoughtfully. “If you like that kind of thing.”

“Which kind?” Katniss wished she hadn’t asked it the second it was out of her mouth.

“You know, the strapping baker kind. With broad chests and blond curls and dimply grins.” Madge poked her finger into her cheek and gave Katniss an angelic smile.

“Then no, I guess I don’t.” Katniss picked at her fingernails hoping Madge couldn’t see her blush.

All the teasing had left her voice when Madge said, “Peeta’s a really good guy, Katniss.”

Katniss stood up, shoving the bag of dried meat she hadn’t eaten into her pocket, nodded at Madge and walked away.

She didn’t see Peeta watch every step, looking like it took all of his considerable strength not to go after her.

Over the next few weeks, Katniss checked the snare line early and went straight to school from the Hob. She felt bad not walking with Prim, but if Prim did like Peeta, this would give her the chance to talk with him without Katniss ruining it. She ignored the sharp pain in her chest as she imagined their hands brushing, then forcefully cast it out of her mind.

——

Peeta was starting to go mad. He lay in the darkness, unable to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he’d see Katniss; the curve of her neck, the coil of her dark braid, the silvery gray of her eyes. He flipped his pillow for the hundredth time, trying to find a cool spot. How was he ever going to convince Katniss to go out on a date with him if she continued to avoid him so thoroughly. He couldn’t ask her at school, not with all their classmates listening. He knew she’d hate that.

He went to the window to open it wider and the strangest sight caught his eye. His parents were dancing in the backyard. But that wasn’t really possible. He looked closer, squinting into the dim moonlit yard, and realized that it wasn’t his mother. His father was wrapped around Mrs. Everdeen. He drew back, feeling like he’d been caught doing something terrible, something shameful.

Peeta watched as his father pushed Mrs. Everdeen against the wall of the small garden shed. Watched as he kissed her and ran his hand up her leg and under her skirt. Peeta turned away, feeling sick. And disturbingly jealous. His heard the echo of his father’s voice on the first day of school saying, “See that little girl? I wanted to marry her mother, but she ran off with a coal miner.” Well, her coal miner was dead. And the muffled sounds of her pleasure drifting up from the yard, proved his father was getting a second chance. As he crept back to his bed, he wondered what was to become of them all now?

——

The following Sunday, Katniss was returning from the woods, a full game bag bulging over her shoulder. It was nearly spring and she could practically feel the hum of life beneath the earth. She had met Gale today. Since the accident, she never knew when he would turn up.

About a year after he had finished school and started working full-time in the mines, there had been a cave in. His crew had been trapped for a day and a half. Two of his crewmates had been crushed by the falling rock. The rest of them were banged up, but not badly hurt. But when Gale emerged from the mineshaft, it was clear that something had broken, something on the inside. He hadn’t been the same since, hadn’t spoken a word since the accident.

A month later, he moved into the woods. When the weather was bad, he slept in the cabin by the lake, otherwise he slept rough. He seemed to have become more forest creature than the boy Katniss grew up with. Sometimes, when she was in the forest, he would materialize out of thin air. He’d stay with her for a bit and she’d tell him about his family or the Hob or they’d walk side by side in silence. As unsettling as it was to see him like that, it seemed important to her to link him to people. She figured that was why he sought her out.

Whenever she spent the day with Gale, she would find herself panicky to get back to Prim, to see with her own eyes that she was okay. As Katniss pushed through the front door, she nearly slammed into her mother. And as her mother pressed her hand against her heart in surprise, Katniss nearly swallowed her tongue in shock. When had her mother gotten so fat? But as her eyes traced the rounded bulge of her mother’s protruding belly, she realized with sickening horror that she wasn’t fat. She was pregnant. Very pregnant.

Katniss stared at her mother in slack-jawed horror before she began to sputter, too aghast to form words. No, this couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t possible. She felt Prim’s small hands on her shoulders steering her towards their yard.

She rounded on Prim, eyes wild with panic, “What the hell,” she demanded in a hoarse whisper. “How did this happen?”

Prim was infuriatingly calm as she said, “The usual way, I think.” She rubbed Katniss’ arm and continued, “I’m just relieved you finally noticed, I couldn’t figure out if you were in some weird state of denial or just your usual unobservant self.”

Katniss’ thoughts were flying through her head at a dizzying speed, she reached out to grab one, but by the time it had left her lips a new one was there, “When? How long? How could she? Who?”

“Sit down, Kat, I think you’re in shock. Put your head between your knees and breathe.” Prim slid the game bag off her shoulder and helped lower her to a crate by Lady’s pen. She did as Prim told her, feeling like she might pass out.

“I think she’s about seven months along. I wasn’t sure until about six weeks ago, she’s been wearing those flowy dresses. I knew she was seeing someone, and I thought that was why she was acting so weird. It didn’t occur to me until way later than it should have…” she shrugged, finally looking a little bit her age. “And as for who,” she said, blushing slightly, “I’m not sure, but I think it is Mr. Mellark’s.” And all of a sudden it became clear why Prim had been so friendly with Peeta.

“What can we do?” Katniss asked, feeling slightly deranged.

“Uh, wait until she goes into labor?” Prim asked, seeming unsure of the question.

Katniss shook her head before dropping it between her knees, “What are we going to do?” she moaned. The the fury she has been waiting for finally ripped through her and she sprang off the crate and ran into the house. Prim calling to her from behind.

Katniss rounded on her mother, afraid to touch her, but wanting to strike her. “How could you? How could you let this happen?” she hissed.

Her mother was exasperatingly nonplussed, reaching down to cradle her stomach. “Oh, you can’t possibly have really just noticed,” she laughed, “I’m as big as a house.”

“What are you going to do?” Katniss demanded.

“Well, Katniss, I’m going to have a baby,” she explained like she was talking to toddler.

“With Mr. Mellark.” Katniss felt light-headed again but dug her toes into the leather of her boots to ground herself.

“Yes,” her mother had the decency to flush as she looked away and began folding the dish rag.

“He’s married,” Katniss stated flatly.

“I’m aware of that, Katniss,” she snapped. “We didn’t intend for this to happen, it just did. Sometimes accidents can be blessings.” There was an infuriatingly dreamy smile playing at her lips as she said that last part, but her expression sobered and she added, “He’s trapped in a loveless marriage. We’re working on that.”

“How are you possibly working on it?” Katniss demanded. “He’s a merchant, he’s married. What is there to work out?”

“He loves me! We’ll figure out how to save him from her.” Katniss stared at her incredulously. It was like trying to argue with a crazy person. Living in reality had never been her mother’s strong suit. But since Katniss was painfully familiar with the depths of depression to which her mother could sink, she had sort of willfully ignored her mother’s less devastating lunacy, allowing her to drift and daydream since it had seemed relatively harmless. Katniss wanted to scream at how wrong she had been. This would destroy them for sure. Her mother turned away and Katniss, faced with her rigid back, saw how she could have missed the pregnancy. Her mother was still so slim and in her loose dress, there was no evidence from behind.

Trying not to cry, Katniss bitterly bit out, “Well, you better figure it out quick. Because I’m not taking care of this one.” And she ran out of the house.

She was so lost in thought, her mind swimming with fury and betrayal, she was surprised to find herself at the alley door of the bakery as the sky darkened into twilight. Was she there to confront Mr. Mellark? What could she possible say? What did she even want to ask for? But as she glanced into the yard, she saw that Peeta was throwing scraps to the pigs. She stood against the wall, the stones biting into her back until he approached the door. She lept out and grabbed him, spinning him until he was pressed against the outer wall. He dropped the pail he was holding and gasped out, “Katniss?”

“Did you know?” she demanded. She had nowhere else to put this untethered fury and threw it into Peeta’s face with her words.

He looked down, a dead give away of his guilt, and quietly admitted, “I saw them together a couple of weeks ago.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” she hissed.

“Oh, you mean during one of our daily chats? Maybe during class? Or one of the many mornings where you wouldn’t even look at me?” Katniss stepped away from him as the last barb hit home. Almost immediately, he looked contrite for speaking so sharply.

His voice was quiet when he said, “For years, I’ve tried to work up the nerve to talk to you.” She looked at him, scowling, and he took a deep breath, “Without success. What was I going to do, open with, ‘Hey, Katniss, so our parents are having an affair, want to hang out sometime?’”

She furrowed her brow in confusion. But felt herself deflate as the anger began to leave her. It had been the only thing holding her up. She leaned against the wall next to him, and as horrifying as this entire situation was, the brush of her bare arm against the warmth of his raised gooseflesh on her skin.

“I was almost free,” she whispered, grateful for the thickening darkness that hid the tears gathering in her eyes.

“I know it’s messed up, but it’s not like they’re breaking up a happy marriage.” Peeta said, an almost soothing cadence to his voice.

“This has nothing to do with your mother,” she snorted out a derisive laugh.

“What then?” He sounded so confused, so distracted, fidgeting beside her.

She rounded on him, looking incredulous, then spat, “Do you not know about the baby?”

“What baby?” he asked, clearly not understanding what a baby could have do with anything. Then his face paled as he visibly cottoned on.

She felt a perverse satisfaction in his shock and asked, perhaps unkindly, “So what does that make us? Bastards in law?”

His face fell as he shook his head, apparently lost for words. “I’m just kidding,” she said, stepping into the darkness, “I know the only thing it makes us is completely screwed.”

And then she was gone.

—–

As he lay in bed staring hopelessly at the ceiling, he tried to order this information into something that made sense. His father was having an affair with Mrs. Everdeen. She was going to have a baby. And while this was certainly the end of his family as he knew it - for undoubtedly his mother would find out soon and her retribution would be fierce - he couldn’t figure out why Katniss was so devastated.

He ran her words over and over in his mind, ‘I was almost free.’ How haunted her voice had sounded. He tried to see this from her perspective. And suddenly in rapid succession, the images came into focus. Her mother’s breakdown after her father died. Katniss’ overprotective relationship with Prim. The inevitable public shame of her mother’s affair. Another mouth to feed. He sighed under the weight of these worries that weren’t exactly his, but that he was desperate to help her solve. Tomorrow, he thought, tomorrow he would track her down at school and they would figure this out together.

But she wasn’t in school the next day. Peeta spent the whole looking for her, his heart in his throat every time he entered a classroom, before plummeting to his toes as he found her seat empty.

When Peeta returned to the bakery for his afternoon shift, his father was holding an icepack to his cheek. His mother was gone, having left nothing but the bloody trail of her fingernails down his father’s face.

Mrs. Everdeen went into labor around midnight on a Tuesday a few weeks later. Katniss showed up breathless at the alley door looking pale and frightened and telling Mr. Mellark it was time. Peeta watched as his dad threw on a pair of pants and his boots over his pajamas and ran out into the night. The mixture of joy and fear on his face was unmistakable. He was practically incandescent with love. Peeta had never seen anything like it on his father’s face and he couldn’t help feeling like maybe he had never really known his father at all. Peeta dressed quickly and jogged to catch up to Katniss who was walking home slowly.

“Can I walk with you?” he asked.

He thought she nodded, though he couldn’t see her clearly in the silver-moon darkness. He continued to walk beside her anyway.

When they reached her house she paused in front of the porch, then stepped back and turned towards the meadow. “It’s going to be a while,” she offered as an explanation. “I’m not very good at the pain part,” she admitted sheepishly.

“Me too. I mean, me neither,” he said, willing to agree to anything she said as long as she’d let him stay with her.

They walked in silence until they reached the meadow. Katniss led him to a willow tree. They sat down beneath it with their backs against the rough trunk.

“Your mom left?” she asked quietly.

“Yeah.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. “It’s been strangely pleasant.”

She was quiet for a moment before she asked, “Are you scared?”

“About what?” He wasn’t sure if she was referring to his mother leaving, but figured she knew it wasn’t a huge loss.

“About the baby,” she said, sounding slightly exasperated.

“No, not really,” he answered truthfully. The darkness helped.

A moment later, she said, “You can’t possibly understand.”

“And don’t try to explain. Obviously I’m too dim to get it,” he teased.

She sighed, “I just meant that you’re the youngest. You’ll understand when you meet the baby. Being an older sibling is a life sentence.”

He looked at her thoughtfully. “Having two older siblings, I’d say that it’s more about the way you sister. Is that a verb?”

“No,” she said, but a smile tugged at her lips. “But it should be. In my experience, it’s a full time job.”

He smiled back. “Will you deck me if I say I’m looking forward to meeting him?”

“Or her,” she said pointedly. “I’ll try not to.”

“Sorry, of course it could be a girl. It’s just Mellarks don’t seem to make girls. My mother gave it her best shot, but finally had to give up. I’m pretty sure she’s never forgiven me for betraying her by being another damned boy.”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive my mother.” She looked away and when she looked back at him, her eyes bore into him in the dim moonlight, “I’m… I can’t figure out if I’m more afraid that I won’t love the baby… or that I will.”

He nodded thoughtfully, “Maybe this time it’ll be easier. Since you won’t be doing it alone.” And to a chorus of crickets and with a million stars as his witness, he reached for her hand, threading their fingers together in a promise of solidarity and companionship and maybe, someday, something more.

He must have dozed off, because what felt like seconds later, Katniss was gently shaking his shoulder and telling him it was time to go back. When they got to the porch, it was eerily quiet and illuminated by a single flickering candle. Peeta wanted to reverently tour the house, he’d spent untold hours imagining her home, but an exhausted-looking Prim was walking into the living room with her arms laden with soiled sheets.

“How is…. Everyone?” Katniss asked her sister.

Prim gave a small worn smile and said that everyone was good and healthy. Katniss raised her eyebrows questioningly and Prim added, “Oh, and congratulations, you have another sister.”

Katniss seemed to deflate for a second, then straightened up and walked over and took the armful of linens out of Prim’s arms and kissed her cheek. “Well, she’s going to have a lot to live up to. I’ve already got the best sister imaginable.” Prim smiled, a real smile and kissed her back. “Go to bed, little duck, I’ve got these.”

“Sounds good,” Prim yawned, “I’m bushed.” And she wandered into the room off the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, “‘Night Peeta.”

“How can I help?” Peeta asked, feeling shy now that he was actually in Katniss’ home.

“I’m just going to put these outside to soak. I’ll be right back in to help you make up the couch.”

“That’s not necessary,” he said.

“Don’t be silly, it’s too late for you to walk home and our parents have already scandalized both of our families, so you might as well get some sleep.” She gave him a weary smile and disappeared out the back door.

He took the opportunity to drink in his surroundings. The sparse furniture, a table and three chairs, a threadbare couch with the batting showing through on one arm and the tiny kitchen with wood plank shelves laden with jars of herbs and tinctures.

Katniss came back in with a clean sheet and blanket under her arm. When they’d finished making up the couch she cast him a tired smile and said, “Goodnight, Peeta.”

He fell asleep the instant his head hit the pillow.

——

Katniss awoke with a start trying to place the mewling sound coming from nearby. Oh, right, the baby. She tried to roll over and ignore the sound, but it didn’t stop. She felt the bed shift as Prim got up. Katniss refused to follow her. She understood better than anyone the pull of a helpless little sister, but this time she would let her mother do her job.

But seconds later came Prim’s shrill, panicked cry, “Katniss!”

She was standing in her mother’s doorway, with Peeta right behind her (Katniss had forgotten he was there), facing a frantic Prim. The baby was a squirming, squalling bundle on the bed. The empty bed in the empty room. Prim was clutching a note to her chest. She held it out Katniss in a shaking hand before scooping the baby off the bed.

The note was from their mother. The first part of the note was to Prim, telling her she loved her and apologizing and asking her to understand that they just needed a little time together “like a honeymoon”, followed by instructions to feed the baby with diluted, boiled goat’s milk. The second part of the note was addressed to Katniss. “I’m sorry, Katniss. We just need some time alone. Away from all the judgement and pressure. We’ll be back for her, I promise.” And that was all there was. A hungry crying baby and a worthless note full of empty promises.

Numbly, she handed the note to Peeta, who was standing in the doorway looking completely disheveled and only marginally more awake than asleep. She slipped past him and out into the yard to both milk Lady and escape the plaintive cries of both sisters.

Katniss entered the kitchen with the warm milking pail clutched so tightly that her fingers were turning white and found Peeta sitting at the kitchen table, both of his hands fisted in his hair.

“I don’t understand,” he said, “this can’t be true.”

Katniss didn’t answer as she put a cup of the milk on the coal stove. She filled the kettle and placed it beside the pan of milk.

As Prim walked into the room holding the weeping baby, Katniss murmured something about needing the bottle. Prim came back with a large eye eyedropper.

“Is that even going to work?” Katniss asked.

“I doubt it,” Prim sniffled, “but it’s the closest thing to a bottle that we have.”

“I’ll get a baby bottle at the Hob.” Katniss took the eyedropper from Prim and sterilized it with the now boiling water. Peeta watched raptly as she added a few tablespoons of the boiled water to the simmering goat’s milk, which she poured into a sterile bottle. She placed the bottle into a pot of cold water and swirled it occasionally before testing the temperature on her wrist, filling the eyedropper with milk and handing it to Prim.

They all watched as Prim ran the glass tip along the wailing baby’s lips. The second the milk made contact with her tongue she abruptly stopped crying and sucked at the eyedropper. The baby squawked plaintively every time they pulled it from her to refill it, but with a bit of maneuvering they were able to drizzle a stream of milk into her mouth until, sated, she turned away and promptly fell asleep.

“Can you stay with her while I go to the Hob?” Katniss asked. And while Prim looked utterly shell-shocked, she nodded. Katniss grabbed her jacket and stared over her shoulder at Peeta, “You coming?” she asked.

Peeta babbled non-stop on the way to town about how he didn’t understand how either of their parents could do this, could leave their child like this. When they got to the bakery he asked if she wanted him to come with her to the Hob. She snorted and shook her head no.

“How can I help? What can I do?”

“Nothing,” she said dully. He reached in his pockets and gave her every coin he had, she spun and walked away without another word.

That night, Peeta showed up on their doorstep with a loaf of bread and some early apples from the tree in his backyard. Katniss tried to send him away, but he set to work washing dishes and preparing dinner.

Katniss scowled at him the entire time, but waited until he had served the fried bread and scrambled eggs before telling him they didn’t need him and he should just go home.

Without a word, he took off his boots and lay down on the couch, pulling the blanket over his legs. If she wouldn’t let him help with the baby directly, he would be support staff for all of the Everdeen girls.

Katniss sighed audibly, but didn’t fight him or insist that he leave. She was just too tired.

Peeta didn’t make eye contact as he asked quietly, “Have you named her yet?”

It hadn’t even occurred to Katniss to name her. “Not yet,” responded Prim.

“Any ideas,” he asked.

Prim shook her head.

“How about Citrine?” he asked.

“Or Rosebud,” suggested Prim.

Katniss stared down at the tiny scrunched face with her fine white hair and said, “Dandelion,” though she hadn’t meant to speak. The image of looking down and seeing the first dandelion of the year and the promise of survival it invoked rushed back to her and she remembered her father’s joking voice telling her that as long as she could find herself, she’d never starve. Her heart panged painfully at the memory of his voice, she missed him so. This child would need all of the help she could get. She looked at Peeta out of the corner of her eye and knew she needed him. He had been part of that dandelion in the schoolyard when she’d first known that hope wasn’t lost and he was part of this one too.

“Danni for short,” Prim decided, nodding.

And just like that, the baby became Katniss’ sister. Not just her mother’s mistake or an unfair burden. Those tiny fingers and heart-shaped pucker of a mouth and her overwhelming need for protection worked their way inside Katniss and rooted there.

——

It went on that way for weeks. Peeta going to school, taking his afternoon bakery shift, then showing up at the Everdeen’s house to wash and cook and mend before falling face down on their couch in mindless exhaustion. The girls took turns feeding Danni throughout the night and Katniss was gone at first light to hunt. She showed up only periodically at school, but since there were only a few weeks left, no one seemed interested in confronting her. By that time, the whole District had heard the story and there seemed to be a collective decision to leave the four of them be.

Peeta’s brothers helped out by taking over Peeta’s bakery duties as best they could. But with both Mr. and Mrs. Mellark gone, the bakery was suffering. None of the brothers understood the ordering and their offerings were dwindling as the supplies ran low.

Despite his daily, and frankly indispensable, presence, Katniss did her best to ignore Peeta entirely. She would hardly speak to him nor allow him to hold Danni. She tried to let her gaze slide indifferently past him, but her eyes wouldn’t cooperate and kept seeking him out. It was odd to want to watch him so much. Gale was arguably the better looking of the two and yet she’d never wanted to stare at him while he worked. But she couldn’t seem to tear her eyes from Peeta’s methodical movements as he kneaded bread. From the fluid roll of his shoulders, the mesmerizing clenching of the muscles in his forearms. His hands, flour dusted and strong, folding and re-folding the dough. Placing her cool fingers on her flushed cheeks, she forced herself to focus on the laundry she folding.

Despite Katniss’ continual cold shoulder, everyday Peeta asked how he could help. And when she inevitably declined his offers of assistance, he found ways to help anyway. She knew it had to be the exhaustion, she was practically hallucinating by the third week, but being so close to him caused frissons of heat to ignite low in her belly and snake up her spine like a live wire, awakening each of her senses and making her feel too receptive and raw. It was making her crazy.

Finally one night, when she had almost dropped Danny in her exhaustion, Peeta exploded.

“Damnit, Katniss, let me help!” He was flushed and breathing hard. And despite the fact that he was angrier than she’d ever seen him, she could tell he was holding back. “This isn’t my fault. I didn’t do this!” Then, after several deep breaths, he added in a quieter voice, “I’m standing right here. I didn’t go anywhere. Please, let me help.” He was right. She knew he was, but then where was all of this anger supposed to go? And as she looked up into his face, pink and blotchy in his frustration, but still so beautiful and kind, all of the anger seeped out of her. And as she took a step to brace herself, the full force of her bone-deep fatigue threatening to suck her under.

Peeta wrapped an arm around her waist to steady her, careful not to jostle the baby. “Please let me help,” he repeated and her entire body slumped against him.

“I’m so tired,” she admitted and he nodded, leading her over to the bed. She sat down and held out the softly whimpering child to him. With almost comic gentleness, he wrapped the baby in his arms. Danni looked ridiculously small there, nestled against his thick arms and as Katniss fell backwards on the bed and into the blackness of sleep, she thought her little sister might be the luckiest creature on earth.

Katniss woke with start. The late morning sun was streaming in through the tears in the curtain and it was… quiet. She flew out of bed, her heart pounding and found Prim sitting at the kitchen table mixing herbs with a mortar and pestle. Her hair was neatly braided and she smiled as she glanced up at the disheveled Katniss.

“Morning, sleepy head,” Prim grinned, “Everyone’s fine. Peeta took Danni on a walk. Why don’t you take a bath?” She wrinkled her nose and Katniss scowled at her as she slid into an opposite chair.

Prim continued, “Suit yourself. I just thought that since you finally came to your senses and let Peeta participate in this little disaster of a family, we should probably work out some sort of a schedule so we don’t all go mad.” Katniss stared at her. When had she gotten so grown up? Maybe that’s what having a baby sister did to you, forced you to grow up. Like they were pushing up from underneath, nudging you forward. “And I thought you might want to be a little cleaner when he gets back,” Prim added, appraising her.

Katniss nodded and headed into the bathroom to bathe, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth. She had clearly underestimated Prim and she didn’t even want to think about how unfairly she’d treated Peeta. But knowing that they were in this together, settled something frantic inside her. They might be okay after all.

Things started to work more smoothly after that. Instead of wreaking havoc on their lives, Danni became part of their life. On mornings when Danni would awaken early, Katniss would wrap her tiny sister into the intricate sling that Hazelle had taught them and take her hunting. On those mornings, in the misty quiet, with the baby tethered to her as though an extension of her own body, Katniss stayed closer to the fenceline. Somehow, this baby - who seemed instinctively to understand the need for quiet in the woods and used those giant blue eyes to take in everything around them - had become too precious to risk. She had also become Katniss’ hunting partner and it was nice to have the company again. It had been months since she’d last seen Gale.

Katniss would meet Peeta at the bakery right after school and help him to attach the sling, trying not to marvel at the breadth of his shoulders or let her fingers linger on the strong plane of his stomach as she pulled the fabric around him. While Katniss assembled the sling, Peeta would hold Danni out in front of him, cooing and chattering nonsense in a comically serious voice while she smiled gummily and cooed back. Then he would kiss her nose and tuck her into the sling. Katniss wondered at Danni’s ability to be so studiously serious with her and so chatty and happy with Peeta.

Prim, having finished her homework and done the patient rounds in the afternoon, took Danni in the evenings while Peeta and Katniss made dinner and took care of the house and did their own homework that Peeta brought home for them.

Realizing it was ridiculous to have Peeta sleeping on the lumpy couch when a perfectly good bedroom sat empty, they moved Peeta into their mother’s old room. Katniss couldn’t escape the sadness she felt at the permanence of this shift and what it signified, but it made sense.

One evening as Katniss and Peeta sat at the kitchen table together doing homework, Katniss found herself enthralled with his gestures. The way he would tap his pencil against his lip when he worked on sums, the self-conscious way he’d rub the back of his neck when he told a funny story, the way he chewed his thumbnail when he found something especially challenging. She tried not stare, but found him increasingly distracting to work across from.

“Why are you scowling?” Peeta asked, that little half-smile that made one of his dimples deeper than the other playing at his lips.

“Just thinking… about Danni,” she said distractedly, trying to keep her face from scowling. Was that her default facial expression, she wondered.

“Oh, I see. Good thing you’re thinking about her. That’s the thing about babies; they lull you into a state of false security and waking exhaustion and then they attack.” His hand shot out and squeezed that ticklish spot just above her knee and she gasped out a laugh of surprise. He grinned at her and she scowled deeper in return.

Then without warning she launched herself at him. His surprised “ooomph” as she knocked him from his chair morphed into a cascade of gruff giggles as she straddled him and savagely tickled his sides. With seemingly no effort on his part, he flipped them over and pinned her arms above her head. She rocked and squirmed under him trying to find an opening to regain the upper hand, but his weight in the cradle of her thighs was undeniable. Something else was undeniable too. The heat and firmness of his growing erection stopped her writhing. She stared up into the darkening blue of his eyes. His laughter had stopped and the intensity of the look on his face took her breath away. She realized, with a jolt of terror, that he was about to kiss her.

At that moment, Prim strolled into the room, Danni in the sling and a bucket of fresh milk in her hand. She made a surprised squeak and hurried to set down the pail before walking into her room.

Katniss pushed at Peeta’s chest and scrambled up from underneath him, embarrassment and something else, disappointment? flaming her cheeks. What must Prim have thought? What was she doing? They had just gotten their lives under control, under some sort of balance and she was going to ruin it. She mumbled a quick “sorry” somewhere in Peeta’s direction, but couldn’t look at him. Getting up slowly to follow Prim into their room, Prim popped out, slipping a knit hat over Danni’s fuzzy head.

“We’re going over to Hazelle’s for a visit,” she said, buttoning her sweater around the both of them and slipping quietly out the door as Katniss called to her.

Peeta had come up behind Katniss. He wasn’t touching her, but she could feel the heat of this body. She was afraid to turn around. To face whatever was coming. Because all of a sudden it felt inevitable.

“I don’t want to ruin this, this thing we’ve got going,” she said to the wood of the door.

“Then we won’t ruin it,” Peeta said simply.

She turned, frowning at his flippancy over something so important. But he wasn’t smiling and his eyes were wide and clear. “I mean it, Peeta. I don’t want to lose you.”

He chuckled mirthlessly before responding, “I don’t think you could lose me if you tried, Katniss.” He looked up at the ceiling and a took a deep breath before cradling her face in both of his hands. “I’m in love with you. I’ve always been in love with you. I don’t ever want to be anywhere else.”

She stood there and let the truth of his love percolate down into her bones. Then she levered up on her tiptoes and kissed him. It started out soft and tentative as butterfly wings, but before she knew it, she was pressed against the door panting as he blazed a trail of wet kisses down her neck. She reached up under his shirt, feeling his stomach muscles tighten deliciously as he let out a strangled grunt. But he stopped her then, pulling her hands out from beneath his clothes and kissing each of her hands before placing the softest brush of a kiss on her lips.

“Goodnight, Katniss. I love you.” And with the most angelic smile on his kiss-swollen lips he turned, gathered his books and went into his room, closing the door softly behind him.

Lust-addled and feeling slightly rejected, she retired to bed. It was the first time she’d had it to herself in months. And knowing Peeta was about fifteen feet away on the other side of the wall, was making her body hum with need. She sighed, slipping her hand into her underwear and gasping at how good it felt as her fingers slid over her throbbing clit. It took less than a minute of fantic circling before her body shuddered in pleasure. She could have sworn she heard Peeta’s responding choked sound of release in the seconds that followed, but it was hard to be sure with her heartbeat still pounding in her ears. She fell asleep instantly with the knowledge that she would hear that sound up close soon enough.

And after that night, it was like the dam around her heart had broken and she was positively flooded with love for the boy with the bread. Her boy. She wanted him all the time. His presence, the low rumble of his laugh, his touch. Definitely more of his touch. She burned for him in ways she never thought possible. She wanted things she’d never thought she’d want. His whispers in her ear, his lips on her forehead, his large, warm palm on the small of her back and the weight of his thick body nestled in the cradle of her thighs. But as much as she wanted to feel every millimeter of his bare skin against hers, he progressed their physical relationship at a snail’s pace. There were hundreds of kisses and he couldn’t seem to stand near her without touching some part of her body, but he didn’t push for more.

After weeks of laying in her bed, next to her two sisters, positively burning for him, she snuck into his room and crawled under the thin sheet he used as a cover. He started and stared down at her, sleepy confusion in every line of his face as she wrapped her strong arm around his belly and nestled into his broad chest.

“Katniss?” he asked groggily.

“Shhh,” she said, “Go back to sleep.” And while part of her wanted to strip him naked and climb atop him, filling her aching body with his rigid heat, she didn’t think she had ever been that warm or comfortable. So, for that night, she allowed sleep to claim her, but she made plans for other nights to come in her dreams.

When she woke, she was pretty sure that she had never slept so well.

The following evening, as Katniss watched Peeta humming tunelessly as he danced a giggling Danni around their shabby living room, she blurted out, “I love you too.” Then she ran outside to milk the goat before she burst into flames of embarrassment. Or maybe it was happiness.

When she climbed into his bed that night, she left her nightgown on the floor. He gasped when he ran his hand up her bare back and she smiled into the darkness, helping him strip off his clothes. There were no words to describe the gloriousness of all of that warm, firm skin under her hands and mouth.

He helped her, his large hand engulfing hers as they slid it up and down his rigid shaft. He stopped her hand frequently to take gasping breaths and to tell her how good it felt, how he never wanted it to end, but that he couldn’t help it, and then he was coming in hot spurts and gasps of pleasure, her name on his lips.

And she helped him too, her hand on top of his directing his thick fingers as they pushed into her wetness and then slid over her slick clit until it was her turn to muffle her ecstatic cries into his shoulder as she pulsed around his fingers.

“I’ve wanted to do that since I learned it was possible,” he mumbled happily into her hair.

“Good thing. You’re going to get plenty of practice,” she mumbled back.

“Can’t wait.” And her entire body shook with his laughter.

“I can’t believe how well this has all turned out,” she said sleepily.

“Katniss, I always hoped we’d end up like this. My wildest dreams are about raising a family with you by my side. I just thought we’d have, you know, gotten to have sex first.”

She barked out a laugh and laid her head against his shoulder. She had started to understand. For what felt like the hundredth time, she thanked the heavens for him being here.

The next afternoon, as Katniss fastened the sling around Peeta’s body, being liberal with her touches now and enjoying each sigh and grunt she elicited and she ran her fingers over his warm skin, Peeta froze. Thinking she had done something wrong, she stood up, but he didn’t look at her, continuing to stare towards the door to the bakery storefront. She followed his gaze and found Mrs. Mellark standing motionless in the doorway.

Peeta silently handed Danni to Katniss and stepped between them and his mother.

“Hello, Peeta,” she said, her voice tight.

“Hello,” he said. Then clearing his throat he asked, “What are you doing here.”

Mrs. Mellark straightened her already straight back and answered brusquely, “Your brother asked me to help with the ordering and bookkeeping.”

Peeta must have known, somewhere in his mind that his mother was at her sister’s house all of six blocks away. Somehow it was easier to believe that she had just disappeared like his father had. “So you’re back.”

“This is my business too, you know,” her voice climbing slightly. “I understand that your father has left. While I was initially very angry at him, I’ve realized that him leaving is probably all for the best.” She nodded, as if that concluded the discussion, and walked stiffly around Peeta towards the small office under the stairs.

Seemingly against her will, Mrs. Mellark glanced over at Katniss who turned, still holding Danni. She cleared her throat and asked, “Is that the child?” Katniss nodded. “And it’s a-?”

“Girl,” Katniss supplied. Katniss turned Danni around so she was facing outward and as Mrs. Mellark saw her face, her breath caught audibly. “Her name is Dandelion,” Katniss said softly.

“Really?” Mrs. Mellark tried to sound disapproving, but her face was so filled with longing it didn’t work.

Peeta’s voice was right behind Katniss’ ear as he asked quietly, “Would you like to hold her, Ma?” Katniss tensed, but didn’t protest.

“Well, I… I don’t… oh, all right.” She seemed annoyed at her own interest in the girl.

Peeta gently nudged Katniss forward and she took reluctant shuffling steps until she was standing close enough to Peeta’s mother to transfer the child. “We call her Danni,” Peeta said from next to Katniss as he held her elbow.

Mrs. Mellark’s face lit up as soon as the baby was in her arms. Danni reached up with her tiny hand and grabbed Mrs. Mellark’s chin. Mrs. Mellark made a practiced movement, a small circle that that lightly trapped Danni’s hand under Mrs. Mellark’s chin as she said in a very un-Mrs. Mellark-like singsong, “Why, hello Danni, it is so so nice to meet you.”

Katniss glanced up at Peeta as if to verify that this was really all right. He ran his hand over her head and down her braid as he watched his mother with his sister, a small smile playing at his lips. He leaned over and whispered, “See, I told you she always wanted a girl.”

Mrs. Mellark glanced up sharply and said, “Peeta, don’t you have some work to do? Danni and I are going to go submit the order forms. The flour shipment will be here on Thursday. She can stay with me while you and brothers go fetch the supplies.” And she disappeared into the office cooing softly.

“Are you sure it’s all right?” Katniss asked Peeta, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

Peeta pulled it out with a tug of his thumb and placed a soft kiss on her lips. “I’ll be here all day. If anything worries me, I’ll keep her with you on Thursday.” He shook his head ruefully, “But honestly, Katniss, she was a good mother in a lot of ways. And while I would never try to excuse her violent behavior, I’m starting to think that my dad might have been more of the problem than I ever understood.”

“Hmmm,” said Katniss, sounding unconvinced. “You’ll make sure Danni is okay. And you won’t leave her until you’re sure.”

“I can’t believe you’d even have to ask,” he said, looking a little affronted.

“I don’t need to,” she said, “I just can’t help it. Sistering, remember?”

“Right,” he said, kissing her softly, “how could I forget? Now go, this is your time. I promise, I’ll check on them every few minutes.”

And reluctantly, Katniss left. She went to the Hob and settled a few accounts before buying a bowl of Greasy Sae’s stew. As she sipped the hot broth, she decided it was madness to leave Danni with anyone who had hurt Peeta and she gulped the soup so fast she burned her tongue, before hurrying back to the bakery.

As she passed the storefront on her way to the alley door she saw Mrs. Mellark through the window. She was standing at the counter, holding Danni in front of her and swaying as she chatted animatedly with customers. Peeta was beside her casting sidelong smirks at whatever his mother was saying, which was obviously about Danni from her gestures. Katniss had never seen old witchy Mellark look so darned happy. Sighing to herself that Peeta had asked her to trust him and she needed to do so, she headed home to see if Prim needed any help with her homework.

When Peeta returned home with a perfectly healthy and happy Danni that evening, he regaled them with stories about his mother’s obvious smittenness with the baby. And as Prim blew raspberries on a delighted Danni’s belly, Peeta pulled Katniss down on his lap and kissed her. It was the first time he’d done so in front of Prim and, though a little embarrassed, Katniss couldn’t wait for him to do it again.

——

The night before their last reaping, Katniss tucked Danni in with Prim and kissed both of their precious blond heads. She took Peeta’s hand and led him out to the meadow. She shook out a blanket and pulled him down onto it before holding his face between her small hands. He stared into her eyes, even more luminous by moonlight and marveled at all of beautiful things he could see in them, the brightest of all was his future.

As they reverently undressed each other, mapped flushed skin with eager hands and hungry mouths, with teasing giggles and moans of honeyed pleasure. He made her come with with hands, then his tongue, before she begged him to make love to her. As he pushed into the slick heat of her, the pleasure sliced through his body all the way to his soul. He felt dizzy with euphoria and rested his forehead against hers as he fought his body’s instinct to plunge fast and hard into the oblivion of this bliss. He moved as slowly as he could, long, sure strokes that made her beg for more beneath him. Before he was ready, the white-hot sensation was lancing up his shaft. He pulled out and spilled himself on her trembling stomach, her name becoming a shuddering moan as he came and came.

They lay side by side on their backs, hands clasped as they tried not to drown in the sea of stars and the tidal wave of love that engulfed their hearts.

“I’m gonna marry you someday,” Peeta whispered.

And though she didn’t believe in marriage, had no plans to ever do so, she had to bite her lip to keep from grinning into the night.

It was an out of body experience coming through your final reaping safely. Like some giant, cosmic foe had been vanquished. But of course, it hadn’t, because that same foe would be back for Prim next year. And, eventually, would come for Danni. The mere thought of it nearly brought Katniss to her knees, but Peeta’s strong arm wrapped tightly around her, kept her upright. Katniss peered over to where Mrs. Mellark stood, her face obscured by the brim of her hat, holding Danni life a life raft.

As Katniss scooped Danni into her arms, she and Mrs. Mellark’s eyes met. And though her mouth was set in same grim line as usual, Katniss saw a pain in the crystalline blue of her eyes that she had never seen before. Mrs. Mellark fumbled for Peeta’s hand and squeezed it once roughly, seeming to surprise them both. Katniss wondered if so much fear had poisoned Mrs. Mellark’s heart into the twisted thing it had become. Katniss clutched Danni to her chest, took her other beautiful sister’s hand and glanced over at Peeta’s lovely face and let her heart fill with golden light to ward off the darkness.

Peeta’s mother and brothers joined them that night at the Hawthorne’s for the celebration dinner. As Peeta passed Danni to his mother’s waiting arms, he said, “You look nice, Ma.” And Katniss noticed with a start of surprise that Mrs. Mellark had worn her hair in a braid over her shoulder instead of her usual severe bun. Danni instantly grabbed onto the braid and Mrs. Mellark beamed up at her son before schooling her features and walking past him into the room. Peeta’s brothers handed several loaves of warm bread to Hazelle and they all sat down for dinner.

Posey, though far too big, sat on Katniss’s lap. As Hazelle counted their blessings, Katniss caught a slightly disturbing exchange of glances and flushed cheeks between Prim and Rory Hawthorne. Peeta squeezed her knee under the table and gave her a small smile and shrug. She was about to say something when she saw a flash of gray eyes from the kitchen window and was pretty sure that Gale had been there making sure they were all safe, but when she looked back, he was gone.

She placed a kiss on Posey’s head and readjusted her so she could hold Peeta’s hand while she ate with the other.

“So, Danni and I were talking the other day,” Peeta said into her ear.

“Talking, huh?” Katniss snorted.

“And,” Peeta continued ignoring her skeptically raised eyebrow. “She was saying how much fun it would be to have a little niece or nephew to grow up with.”

Katniss was shocked. “Bite your tongue, Peeta Mellark,” she hissed under her breath.

“I’m just passing along the message,” he shrugged, grinning.

“How about you just shut up and your eat your dinner,” she said, shoving a forkful of greens into his mouth.

But somehow as she gazed at the beautiful boy beside her who made the best surrogate father she could have dreamed of, that future that had seemed repugnant cracked a window of possibility inside her. Maybe loving someone and being truly loved in return, made the risk of loving them bearable.

As everyone dug into their food, serving themselves and their neighbors, passing dishes high and low in a tangle of arms, Katniss rested her head on Peeta’s shoulder and watched. Even six months ago she could never have even imagined such a ludicrous scene. But maybe her mother had been right. Sometimes it was the unplanned things, the things you didn’t even think you wanted, that were exactly what you needed. Sometimes, accidents could be blessings.

#Everlark birthday drabbles #roseymama #appleblossomgirl0305

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