#and i physically cannot talk to her abt this i think i'd genuinely die of a heart attack and bury myself alive no matter the outcome

[peppermintbutch]

Sleepover w my probably unrequited crush was NOT good for me

#going insane. i slept for 2 hours mainly bcs i spent most of the time near cardiac arrest #such a cringefail moment nothing has changed since highschool etc. well it has but ive had 2 hrs of sleep and im being dramatic #i dont even know if shes in a relationship i think maybe shes in like a fwb situation w this guy she spends a lot of time with #who is very nice honestly might not even mind that like everyone here is polyam anyway lol but idk if she even likes me that way at all. #and i physically cannot talk to her abt this i think i'd genuinely die of a heart attack and bury myself alive no matter the outcome #but also i guess my life will stay this way forever if i dont eventually do smth abt crushes but im like SO scared #though i guess realistically the worst outcome is that i embarrass myself. like she's bisexual she's not going to kill me or be disgusted #WELL. Maybe I'll do smth abt this tomorrow (probably not) #but also im soo worried that if it's reciprocated it turns out i dont actually want anything from her #bcs that would mean i have Fucked Up Issues and i don't even know how to begin thinking abt solving them #anyway GOODNIGHT. I am tired and not in a state of mind to do deep psychoanalysis on myself 🗣