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neuxue · 7 years

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Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 13

Gawyn is, as usual, frustrating, but does actually make a decision. Also there are Aragorn gifs and a few random tangents.

Chapter 13: An Offer and a Departure

‘Departure’ in the title of a Gawyn chapter seems at least moderately promising. Maybe he’ll finally get his shit together and get out of this godforsaken town.

…I have higher hopes for the latter than the former.

Two sparring opponents? You’re going to have to step it up, Gawyn; I hear the Dragon Reborn can take on five.

Could, anyway. Might be a bit more challenging singlehanded.

Though he can also take on a good-sized army, if he’s carrying the right not-a-sword, so there’s that.

Hattori had been quite pleased when her Warder had finally arrived at Dorlan; she’d lost him at Dumai’s Wells, and his story was the sort gleemen and bards sang about. Sleete had lain wounded for hours before deliriously managing to grab his horse’s reins and pull himself into the saddle. It had loyally carried him, near unconsious, for hours before arriving at a nearby village.

So…

The rest of his story fully embraces the cliché – and by ‘embraces’ I mean ‘makes sloppy but passionate love to’ – because I think all the Warders have a secret competition going to out-do Lan’s story. This, of course, is the real reason Lan decided to ride for Tarwin’s Gap.

It was the marrow of stories and legends – at least, among regular, lesser men. For a Warder, Sleete’s story was almost commonplace. Men like him attracted legends as ordinary men attracted fleas. […] Surviving against the odds, riding in delirium over miles of rough terrain, cutting down an entire band of thieves with wounds not fully healed –

Gaining a name amongst the Aiel, riding to avenge or resurrect a fallen nation…

–these were just the sorts of things you did when you were a Warder.

And then there’s Birgitte. Also Rand, technically speaking.

While Aes Sedai manipulated the world and monsters like al’Thor got the glory, men like Sleete quietly did the work of heroes, each and every day. Without glory or recognition.

Well, except that al’Thor the monster is giving everything he has and tearing himself apart to save a world that hates and fears him. So I would say that qualifies, in its own way, as ‘without recognition’. Of course, Gawyn doesn’t recognise this, which makes the whole thing spectacularly ironic.

And ‘glory’? You saw Rand at Dumai’s Wells, Gawyn. You saw him tortured. Did that look like glory?

It’s not surprising, though, that this idea of unrecognised heroics is what Gawyn’s thoughts are drawn to. After all, he was raised in the shadow of a golden older brother and a sister destined for a crown, and taught that his life is merely a shield for hers. He was meant to be the unsung hero – and now even that seems lost to him.

So I think he idolises the Warders in part because he sees in them what he has always felt he is supposed to be.

Except he sees an idealised version, and holding yourself to impossible standards always ends well. Especially if it coincides with the world falling apart.

The actual swordfighting scene is less enthralling than some. It’s probably a combination of the fact that it’s a relatively low-stakes spar, and also it involves characters I’m not all that invested in.

Gawyn wins. Sleet and Marlesh are surprised. I halfheartedly applaud, once. In my head.

Sleete carried a heron-mark blade and was near-legendary in the White Tower for his prowess. He was said to have bested even Lan Mandragoran twice out of seven bouts

One: I love how Lan is used by pretty much everyone as the standard of excellence. Kind of like how it was mentioned a while back that everyone says their city was even more beautiful than Tar Valon, thus cementing Tar Valon’s actual superiority in that regard.

And two: if you’re trying to convince me that Gawyn is now a better swordsman than Lan Mandragoran, I call bullshit.

back when Mandragoran had been known to spar with other Warders.

This is perfect.

Really, I’m sitting here laughing at just…everything about that phrase, including the way it’s tossed in almost as an afterthought. Back when Lan used to spar with mere enhanced badass mortals. Beautiful.

So there are two possible ways this came about. Either the other Warders decided to stop inviting him to practice – because there’s sparring against a more skilled opponent in order to improve, and then there’s sparring against Lan Mandragoran for the sole purpose of destroying your own ego – or Lan himself decided that there was just no point. Probably the latter, but some of the other Warders were probably relieved.

Meanwhile Lan’s riding off to the Blight to finally find himself a challenge. I mean, really. What does a guy have to do around here to get a proper workout?

(Though he did spar with Narishma. And Rand, obviously. So maybe he makes an exception for sad boys who came into too much power far too quickly and without enough certainty).

Anyway, I’m still laughing at everything about this.

All Gawyn had ever wanted was to protect Elayne. He wanted to defend Andor. Maybe learn to be a little more like Galad.

Why couldn’t life be as simple as a sword match? Opponents clear and arranged before you. The prize obvious: survival.

Well, there’s Gawyn for you.

This really does make up the core of a lot of his problems, though. He was raised with a strong but fairly simple mandate: protect Elayne, and protect Andor. But then what do you do when Elayne is missing, or when Andor’s queen is missing presumed dead? (If you’re Galad, you start a war to help Elayne and then go kill the Lord Captain Commander of the Whitecloaks to avenge the queen, but that’s somewhat beside the point).

Added to that is Gawyn’s constant feeling of not being quite good enough. So when everything goes to shit and there isn’t a clear path that involves ‘protect Elayne’ or ‘defend Andor’, he..wants or even needs to act, but almost doesn’t trust himself to know what to do. And then it’s not as simple as he thought it would be, or wants it to be, and he really doesn’t know what to do, because this is not how his story was supposed to go. And then he ends up caught in these situations where he’s tangled up in greater powers, in over his head, competent in his assigned role but not quite confident enough to leave it.

Also perhaps the ‘opponents clear and arranged before you’ is part of why he can’t look at Rand as anything but his enemy. He wants these certainties, wants things to be simple and clear-cut, and so he subconsciously could end up focusing on and believing the negative things he hears about the Dragon Reborn, because that is far simpler and easier to wrap his mind around than the alternative.

But in general, this is not a good time for wanting things to be simple and clear-cut and nicely laid out like a storybook hero’s plot. Sorry, Gawyn. You’re shit out of luck there.

Having just said that…it’s as if he wants his life to be – or thinks his life to be – something like Sleete’s story from a few pages ago. He idolises and idealises that, and when it isn’t like that for him, he thinks he’s failed somehow, and also doesn’t really know how to deal with everything when it doesn’t follow that kind of familiar pattern.

“You are remarkable, Gawyn Trakand. Like a creature of light, colour and shadow when you move. I feel like a babe holding a stick when I face you.”

I did try not to roll my eyes.

Okay, I confess, I didn’t try very hard.

I think that, weirdly, I almost have less patience for Gawyn when he’s being presented as a badass than when he’s trying to be one because he’s expected to be. Which is odd, because that is not how it normally works for me.

Or maybe it’s just that my patience for Gawyn has worn a bit thin recently in general; I still find him an interesting character in terms of how his arc has been constructed, but he’s been stuck in the same place for a while now. He also, by virtue of no longer being just in the prologues and maybe the occasional chapter, is narratively surrounded by characters who are getting a lot more done, literally and figuratively, so that also may have something to do with it.

I still can’t stand the word ‘Younglings’. I blame Star Wars, maybe.

Except no, I definitely disliked it even before that. You know how some people feel about the word ‘moist’? That’s how I feel about ‘younglings’. It’s a thing, and it bothers me every single time. I vote Gawyn kills them all.

It’s like when an otherwise really cool character just has the worst name and it detracts from their coolness even if you don’t want it to. I genuinely think this is a major part of the reason I never liked The Hobbit as much as I probably should have. Bilbo. I just can’t. I know, I know, it’s the stupidest thing to get hung up on, but there you have it. (Of course, when I was younger I went the exact opposite direction, and gave all my fictional characters the most ridiculously overwrought names, thinking they were awesome and beautiful when in fact they were incredibly cringeworthy. So what can you do).

Anyway, back to Gawyn.

Marlesh thinks he should be a blademaster, Gawyn’s like ‘oh no I couldn’t possiby’, and Marlesh confirms that by killing his teacher, Gawyn does in fact get to claim that title. So, you know, perks.

Gawyn had rarely seen an Aes Sedai and Warder with as casual a relationship as those two.

This strikes me as odd. I guess it depends what is meant by ‘casual’ here, but they come across as having a kind of lighthearted friends/siblings sort of relationship, which doesn’t seem like it should be that far from ordinary. It does sometimes seem as if there’s a slight discrepancy between how Aes Sedai-Warder relationships or dynamics are described in a general sense, and how they’re shown in a specific sense. But maybe that’s simply a result of the specific characters we’re following.

“Those two remind me of nothing so much as a brother and sister at times.”

Okay, yeah, I really don’t see why that should come across as uncommon. If romantic relationships between an Aes Sedai and Warder are uncommon – as is said to be the case – then surely a sibling or close friend dynamic would be well within the norm.

As Sanderson’s characters would say, bah.

“Hattori only has one Warder,” [Sleete] said in his gravelly, soft voice. Gawyn nodded. “That’s not unheard-of for a Green.”

“It isn’t because she isn’t open to having more,” Sleete said. “Years ago, when she bonded me, she said that she would only take another if I judged him worthy. She asked me to search. She doesn’t think much on these kinds of things. Too busy with other matters.”

All right, Gawyn thought, wondering why he was being told this.

Gawyn. Come on. Really? You have to be quicker on the uptake than this.

Sleete turned, meeting Gawyn’s eyes. “It’s been over ten years, but I’ve found someone worthy. She will bond you this hour, if you wish it.”

Huh. So…okay. That’s a thing.

It’s high praise, certainly. I like Sleete; he seems very no-nonsense and unobtrusively skilled, and this comes across as an offer given not because of who Gawyn is or who he is related to, but because Sleete thinks he’s genuinely worthy of it. Not just for his prowess with a sword, but because he does clearly have a sense of honour and duty, even if he doesn’t always know the best way to put that to use.

All in all, becoming Warder to a side-character Aes Sedai, while it’s never going to happen, would probably not be a bad thing for Gawyn. It would give him focus and purpose and direction, and being bonded by an Aes Sedai who already has a Warder would give him a mentor figure, which is something he rather desperately needs right now, I think. I wonder if Sleete has seen that in him, too. Ah well, doesn’t much matter, because there’s only one answer Gawyn’s giving to that.

(After all, when has Gawyn ever chosen to do something that might actually be good for him?)

“I’m honoured, Sleete,” Gawyn said. “But I came to the White Tower to study because of Andoran traditions, not because I was going to be a Warder. My place is beside my sister.” And if anyone is going to bond me, it will be Egwene.

…no cognitive dissonance there, of course. It’s going to be rather difficult to be beside your sister and also bonded by Egwene. It would actually make some sort of sense for Gawyn to be bonded by Elayne, but honestly that’s a bond-tangle he really does not need to be a part of, and Elayne is doing none too poorly for Warders as is.

Also, Gawyn, take a look around and notice how you are neither beside your sister nor bonded by Elayne, and then please take a moment to consider why that is, and then get the fuck out of here already.

“You came for those reasons,” Sleete said, “but those reasons have passed.”

That’s…a very good point, especially in a broader sense. What Gawyn thought he was supposed to do, and the way he thought things were going to be, is…not how things have turned out. And that’s something Gawyn hasn’t been able to accept or understand. He had one path he was focused on, and then it blew up and he’s been sort of left wandering the other paths with no roadmap and a broken compass.

“What do you think of what happened in the Tower, Sleete?”

He’s looking for answers, and trying to figure things out; he knows he’s lost and uncertain and caught in a place he doesn’t really want to be. It’s just that there are no good answers, really. It’s good that he’s asking, but eventually it is going to come down to the same thing it did before: he’s going to have to make his own choice.

As Lan said, “You can never know everything, and part of what you know is always wrong. Perhaps even the most important part. A portion of wisdom lies in knowing that. A portion of courage lies in going on anyway.”

Gawyn is actually not bad at the second part. His problem is with the first part; he’s working with incomplete information, and most likely he always will be, and some of what he ‘knows’ is wrong. And he…sort of knows that but also doesn’t always understand it, or take it into account when he acts.

“Just keep your head down,” Sleete said. “There are hot tempers in the Tower, but there are wise minds as well. They’ll do the right thing.”

Hm. Not completely sure that’s the best advice or attitude there, actually. I mean…on the one hand sure, don’t make it worse, and trust in those who are working to solve it. But also…maybe try to help them? Rather than just standing aside and letting other people do the hard work, and just expecting that someone will? And that you don’t have to do anything yourself, and it’ll all just be fine?

There’s a time and a place for neutrality, sure, and if your interest is in staying alive and getting on with the smaller things, then…okay. But this is a point when people actually need to do something. Egwene can only do so much of it by herself. And this isn’t something that the ‘neutral’ Aes Sedai can actually claim isn’t their problem. It is, because it affects all of them. They can’t just ignore that the Tower is broken, and trying to claim the moral high ground for not taking part in the conflict – by ignoring it and trying to pretend it doesn’t exist, but never making the difficult choice – is absurd. Sleete’s not quite doing that, but still.

Then again, it really isn’t Gawyn’s conflict to get involved in, so maybe Sleete has a point there. Gawyn needs to get out of the whole thing, because he can’t have it both ways: he told Sleete he just came to the Tower for Andoran tradition, but now he’s embroiled in the Tower’s division. Choose, Gawyn.

“Hattori got out,” Sleete continued softly. “Went on this mission to al’Thor, never knowing the depth of what it was about. She just didn’t want to be in the Tower. Wise woman.”

Except…wise? Really? She didn’t know what she was getting herself into, but she went anyway because she wanted to be away from the Tower – and so now she can wash her hands of it and also of what they did to Rand? That’s…not how responsibility works.

I’m all for taking the pragmatic approach, but own up to it.

“Hammar was a good man.”

“He was,” Gawyn said, feeling a twist in his stomach.

“But he would have killed you,” Sleete said. “Killed you cleanly and quickly. He was the one on the offensive, not you. He understood why you did what you did. Nobody made any good decisions that day. There weren’t any good decisions to be made.”

Well that last bit is certainly true, at any rate.

Still, there’s something about Sleete’s tendency to absolve everyone of responsibility that doesn’t quite work for me. I see where he’s going with it here, and I don’t entirely disagree, but…enh. That said, it is pretty much exactly what Gawyn needs to hear, and he beats himself up over enough already, so there’s that.

“She needed to get news to the Greens of what had happened at Dumai’s Wells, of what the Amyrlin’s true orders with al’Thor had entailed. I needed to survive. We did our duty. But once that message had been sent, if she hadn’t felt me approaching on my own, she would have come for me. No matter what. And we both know it.”

Some pointed parting words there, though of course Gawyn doesn’t quite get it. Leave, Gawyn.

The offer had been tempting for a heartbeat, but only as a way of escaping his problems.

Points for self awareness.

(He has so many problems)

Why couldn’t Egwene see that the man she’d grown up with had turned into a monster, twisted by the One Power?

Actually, Gawyn, Egwene was thinking just last chapter about how there was little left of the boy she grew up with. How she and Rand – or rather, the Dragon Reborn – had both changed to the point where they feel they don’t really know each other anymore.

But he’s not a monster, and that much I think she still knows, however else she may think of him. There is that much left of ‘Rand’ in her thoughts. And that’s going to be key in whatever is to come; another Amyrlin may well agree with Gawyn. Egwene, though, might have enough lingering love and trust for Rand to let him do what needs to be done, and to perhaps relinquish an attempt at controlling him.

He didn’t trust Aes Sedai. His mother had, and look where that had gotten her.

How does trusting Aes Sedai have anything to do with where Morgase ended up? Her problem was more with trusting one of the Forsaken, and it wasn’t like she was given a whole lot of choice in that matter.

Gawyn decides it’s a good idea to just walk into a meeting of Aes Sedai. Because yeah, that’s definitely going to work well, and get you access to all the information you could possibly want, Gawyn. Sure. You just go right ahead.

He shouldn’t have to eavesdrop.

The problem is, Gawyn, sometimes the way things should be isn’t the way they are, and sometimes you just have to…accept that. And find a way to work with it. And pick your battles.

So Gawyn gets sent away. What a surprise. Really, colour me shocked.

Aes Sedai. Sensible men stayed away from them when possible, and obeyed them with alacrity when staying away was impossible. Gawyn had trouble doing either; his bloodline prevented staying away, his pride interfered with obeying them.

Again, points for self-awareness. Though Gawyn has always been more or less cognizant of his problems. It’s in doing something to actually solve them, and making the hard choices, that he sometimes gets into trouble. He sees himself as being caught in an impossible tangle – and in fairness, he is in a mess of a situation that in many ways is over his head – but doesn’t believe that he can free himself from it. Because he sees all his options as distasteful or impossible in some way, and so he always comes close to a decision point but then turns back, and accepts the status quo. Even as he hates it.

No, he’d supported [Elaida] because he’d disliked Siuan’s treatment of his sister and Egwene.

But would Elaida have treated the girls any better? Would any of them have? Gawyn had made his decision in a moment of passion; it hadn’t been the coolheaded act of loyalty that his men assumed.

Where was his loyalty, then?

It’s not the first time he’s asked himself this – he’s been struggling with it pretty much since the schism itself. Because he doesn’t have all the information, and he doesn’t know the answers, and he’s trying to do the right thing but in the moment and even after, it’s hard to know what that is, especially when it’s so hard to find out what’s really happening, and what really happened.

But he needs to keep asking himself, and he needs to decide. Loyalty, law, a bond to the Tower…they’re all excuses at this point, more than anything else. And I think he knows it. He just…doesn’t know what to do instead. Or is afraid to think of it, because that’s not an easy question or an easy choice, and he’s perhaps even more afraid now of making the wrong one.

Oh for FUCK’S SAKE.

Of COURSE Gawyn overhears the Aes Sedai talking about how the rebels have set up their own Amyrlin. I’m sure he’ll get the full story with all the context and up-to-date information on what Egwene’s role actually turned out to be and—

Yeah, no, I can’t even say that with a straight face.

Also Katerine knows Travelling. Yay. Wonderful.

“But at least she was captured,” Narenwin noted, pausing at the doorway as Covarla passed through.

Katerine laughed sharply. “Captured and made to howl half the day. I wouldn’t want to be that al’Vere girl right now. Of course, it’s no less than she deserves for letting them put the Amyrlin’s shawl on her shoulders.”

Someone please cover Gawyn’s ears, because there’s absolutely no way he’s going to do anything but misinterpret this. Or rather, interpret it exactly as Katerine delivers it, without context or a healthy dose of skepticism.

He’d heard rumours that the rebels had their own Hall and Amyrlin…but Egwene? It was ridiculous! She was only Accepted!

But who better to set up for a potential fall? Perhaps none of the sisters had been willing to put their necks on the line by taking the title. A younger woman like Egwene would have made a perfect pawn.

So much faith you have in her, Gawyn.

But to be fair, that is exactly what they intended, when they raised her. It’s the logical conclusion, and it’s a part of why Egwene was able to take power in the first place; they simply didn’t see it coming, and didn’t think to put much effort into preventing it, and by the time they realised the truth, she had already run rings around them.

So of course Gawyn is going to do exactly what Mat did upon finding out, and immediately assume that he has to go rescue her. Sigh.

Egwene was in trouble. He blinked deliberately, standing in the square, cattle calling distantly, water bubbling in the canal beside him.

Egwene would be executed.

Where is your loyalty, Gawyn Trakand?

I just…can’t work up much enthusiasm for what appears to be an actual turning point and a decision, finally. Because the impetus for it is so…meh. He’s supposed to be a hero, so he has to go play white knight to a damsel in distress, right?

I don’t think my irritation – or apathy, more accurately – is aimed at the way this is written; it’s more an issue with Gawyn himself. That he takes what Katerine says on face value, because it plays into his… idea of how things work, or should work, or whatever. Egwene’s in trouble, so of course Egwene is in trouble, and of course he can rescue her, but she can’t rescue herself. Blah.

So it is nice to see Gawyn finally decide. He’s been moving towards this for a while but hasn’t been able to take that last step, and he has felt this conflict of loyalties, and uncertainty, and now he is finally choosing.

The way he’s making that decision irks me somwhat, though. Ah well. Can’t deny it’s in character.

Well, he’s made a decision and he’s certainly not wavering on it now. Bags packed and straight to his horse within minutes. Almost makes up for what – months? – of uncertainty and hesitation. Almost makes up for the fact that he hasn’t really taken time to think about what Katerine said, and her motivations for saying it, and whether or not it’s the whole truth, and…ah, whatever. He’s finally getting out of this clusterfuck – even if he is very likely headed right into another one – and I can definitely support that, at least. Maybe along the way he will learn some things. He tries, and his heart is in the right place. He just has some…annoying notions.

Sleete continued to watch from the shadow of a massive pine as Gawyn put the saddle on Challenge’s back. The Warder knew. Gawyn’s act had fooled everyone else, but he could sense that it wouldn’t work on this man. Light! Was he going to have to kill another man he respected?

You’re assuming you could kill him, Gawyn. As Lan so aptly demonstrated in New Spring, winning in sparring does not necessarily mean winning in a real fight. But Sleete isn’t here to fight Gawyn. He practically told him to leave, after all. To go do what he needed to do.

Burn you, Elaida! Burn you, Siuan Sanche, and your entire Tower! Stop using people. Stop using me!

Ah, Gawyn. He has been caught for so long between forces far larger than himself, caught up by events that threw him around before he could really get his bearings. Sure, some of it is on him, but some of it is just…he was young and sheltered and thought he knew his task, and then everything exploded and he couldn’t figure out who or what or why, and he’s been trying, but this…isn’t his story. He’s caught in the swirl of a far larger story, used and pushed and pulled.

“Then why let me go?” Gawyn said, rounding the gelding and taking the reins. He met those shadowed eyes and thought he caught the faintest hint of a smile on the lips beneath them.

“Perhaps I just like to see men care,” Sleete said. “Perhaps I hope you’ll find a way to help end this. Perhaps I am feeling lazy and sore with a bruised spirit from so many defeats. May you find what you seek, young Trakand.”

Okay, I do like him. Those are good parting words.

There was only one place he could think to go for help in rescuing Egwene.

OH. IS HE—IS HE GOING TO GARETH BRYNE? PLEASE TELL ME HE IS GOING TO GARETH BRYNE. For one, that way Bryne can sit him down for A Talk. And also can maybe help him. Because honestly, Gawyn needs a mentor. And a friend. And maybe someone to just…actually tell him things, for once, and see that he’s angry and sad and lost, and help him.

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#ah gawyn you do try my patience at times #but you also try; so I'll give you that #Wheel of Time #neuxue liveblogs WoT #The Gathering Storm

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