#and I've not even started on how his avoidance/passiveness verges on selfish at times bc he's so focused trying to maintain peace

[muninnhuginn]

shima says all this stuff that at face value can seem like good advice ("don't get too hung up on decisions" etc) or does things that make it seem like he doesn't really care (him bunking off school, not interfering when mitsumi is being mocked in front of him). and it means he gives off this chill vibe on a surface level.

but when you understand the underlying reason why he thinks this way it becomes incredibly obvious that these words and actions are more an expression of how unhealthy his mental state is?

he's actively telling himself that stuff doesn't matter because when he *has* let them matter in his head, that's what led to the whole acting-mum-ririka scenarios. so, school doesn't really matter. theatre? he's done with that. it doesn't matter that he once "loved" acting when all he has now is a broken relationship with his mum and bad associations. much easier to not care.

it's a mix of what he tells himself and what he genuinely believes at this point. he's so conflict-avoidant that he pre-empts any possible tensions by being deliberately passive and prioritising (his perception of) others' feelings above himself. his very choice to agree to date mitsumi was a mix of his own unrecognised feelings towards her (which is why he jumped the gun when mitsumi hadn't even properly *asked*) and the idea that mitsumi liked him so he could do this for her and maybe it wouldn't be so bad. he's trying to pacify his idea of mitsumi's feelings without actually examining his own.

and at the same time, for someone so image-conscious, he has zero idea of the red flags he gives off sometimes. his perspective of love being that between a 'person' and a 'lover' it would be the 'person' you 'like' more being the most extreme example. he plain doesn't realise that his approach is atypical and so he doesn't realise he needs to 'counter' it in his image management. when people make fun of mitsumi in front of him he chooses the route he believes will lead to the least tension and is genuinely surprised when mitsumi *doesn't* want to prioritise group harmony above herself.

he's pushed his own feelings down until he no longer understands himself and it actively affects how he reads other people too. generally speaking, he *is* good at reading the social mood, but more specifically, he's good at figuring out *how to placate people*. there's a reason he's so popular. but he keeps individuals at a distance deliberately. most of the people he's closer to and/or more honest with are those who have known him from his acting days, before he started pushing people away. and when he's interacting one-to-one with people who actually know him like mukai? that's when the cracks start to show and the whole illusion breaks down.

#im not going anywhere with this. he's just. a mystery. #and I've not even started on how his avoidance/passiveness verges on selfish at times bc he's so focused trying to maintain peace #that he misses when he's hurting ppl. mitsumi the obvious one but also his whole dynamic w/ ririka. he's so caught up feeling guilty #that he just ends up feeding into ririka's idea that neither of them can be happy. ririka herself is only able to make progress when #shima finally puts his foot down and says he won't do this anymore. he'll let himself live. #skip to loafer #skip and loafer #stl manga spoilers