#and I'll just say I'm 50 miles from the nearest town and the fire department isn't gonna be up to dealing with this

[medicinemane]

I really need to stop living; I need to blow my brains out or at least pick another riskier option

#like I've said; I don't like gambling; so any option that's less than a 100% kill is a risk #and you could say a gun isn't a 100% kill; but I'll tell you... well no; I'll skip the methodology to improve success rates #and I'll just say I'm 50 miles from the nearest town and the fire department isn't gonna be up to dealing with this #even if I fuck it up I will 100% die from a bullet to the head #where as hanging shit can snap of I could resuscitate or something; there's risks of not going far enough #and failure means brain damage and bills; which are the last things I need #similarly a lot of poisons are more likely to just fuck up the stomach bad for life but not kill #there's only one I have high faith in right now which I just haven't been able to bother ordering #(no there's others I have high faith in; but they don't sell cyanide and I'm not up to synthesizing it) #but the real point is I need to die; and I've looked into it time and time again and... there's only so many viable options #and hanging has a high success rate; but it has failure points and huge risks if you fail #poisons are a very bad idea; don't even consider them; except for one I'm not sharing that looks like it would work #but most won't; you'll literally just hurt yourself #so... you see why I keep coming back to gun; and like most things that's expensive and 50 miles away #but I really can't go on living #fucking parasite that I am