#and - even bigger; it's not my fault that public health in the US is careening into 'can we pretend hard enough like nothing's happening'

[belligerentbagel]

even Atlas has only two hands

vent art

#this one's for all the teachers out there #horror cw #hands cw #draws #after 2.5 years of caution and masking everywhere; i tested positive for covid on wednesday morning (first day of fall semester) 😔 #at earliest; i can be back in the classroom on monday #wednesday itself was an absolutely horrible 24 hours (but admittedly the anatomist side of me has been going 'ah! physiological data!') #but thursday and friday were a grim indicator of how much capitalism has rotted my brain #because after getting through 24 hours of a MASSIVE illness with undetermined long-term effects; i felt compelled to return to the #6-hr-sleep 18-hr-waking cycle that i was accustomed to; out of GUILT for falling behind in work #(note: i was NOWHERE near 100% back on thursday. i could have charitably been put at 50% - still headaches & fatigue & productive coughs) #a friend had to very sternly tell me 'you cannot solve structural problems through constant 80-hour-week heroic measures' #'you especially cannot do this when you are recovering from a debilitating illness which has the potential to remain a - #- serious lingering problem if you overwork yourself' #like. gods. yeah. it's not my fault that my classrooms are stuffed to the student maximum that our union has valiantly maintained #it's not my fault that the district only gave us one pre-semester prep day; meaning that my room & plans were left unfinished before day one #and - even bigger; it's not my fault that public health in the US is careening into 'can we pretend hard enough like nothing's happening' #my students will have a milquetoast start this fall semester. that is fine. #their teacher might not be able to stand and talk for longer than ten minutes at a time #i will do what i can. i still care about them. i am reading their introduction emails and smiling a bunch. #but i refuse to allow myself to be consumed in order to keep this fire lit.